Page 62 of Read Between The Lines

‘Mmm, this is good,’ I answered eventually, between mouthfuls. ‘What makes you think this is about a man?’

Caro raised an eyebrow and gestured at me, as if the answer was obvious.

‘Fair enough, yes, it is,’ I admitted. ‘You remember I told you about that former policeman, Leo, the one I’d enlisted to help me track down Scammer Brian?’

‘Ah. Him,’ she nodded.

‘I may have accidentally fallen for him. I know, I know.’ I held up my hand to stop the interruption which was about to come. ‘Yes, I let my love of love carry me away yet again, but don’t worry, I’m absolutely fine. I’m drawing a line under the whole thing, which I know you’ll agree is the sensible move, and I’m moving on completely unscathed.’

‘You’ve always been rubbish at lying,’ said Caro. ‘A person who’s “absolutely fine” doesn’t travel hours by bus and tube to cry on their big sister’s doorstep.’

‘It was only because I was tired. It’s been a long day,’ I protested.

‘My question is this: what’s so wrong about falling for Leo?’

I blinked at her as she calmly took a bottle of wine out of the fridge and poured us a glass apiece. How wasn’t she getting this?

‘But you’re always telling me that I need to realise the difference between the world of fiction and real life.’

‘You’ll recall that I made that point when you were waxing lyrical about one Brian James who you’d never even met in person,’ she reminded me. ‘You’ve admitted yourself that you’d built up this whole fantasy world around him. Whereas, judging from the many “Leo this” and “Leo that” messages I’ve been receiving, you’ve spent a decent amount of time with the guy and have actually got to know him, and pretty well too, judging by the way your face is suddenly turning tomato red.’

‘Now you’re the one whose imagination is getting carried away,’ I said.

‘I’ve a feeling we’re getting to the crux of the reason behind your dramatic appearance.’

‘There’s no need to be so smug about it,’ I muttered, before reluctantly filling her in on the events of the day. My description of the kiss was slightly more PG than it had actually been, but I could see Caro reading between the lines and coming up with her own version.

‘I’m still failing to see what the problem is. My suggestion is that perhaps you and Leo reconvene in slightly more comfortable surroundings where there’s less risk of getting arrested for public indecency. Job done.’

‘Do I need to spell it out for you?’ I raised my voice in exasperation, carefully enunciating every word. ‘He only kissed me as a cover so Scammer Brian didn’t spot us carrying out surveillance. He doesn’t feel the same way about me.’

‘I don’t buy it. I know you’ve been holding back on me, but I can tell from your expression that was one hell of a kiss. There are countless other ways the pair of you could have avoided being spotted by that Brian bloke. Frankly, I can’t see there being any risk in the first place that he’d clock you and immediately assume you were carrying out surveillance. People hang out in their cars all the time. It’s a perfectly normal activity. Nobody assumes someone is going to be spying on them.’

‘They might if they’re up to no good. And we had the obstacle course t-shirts on. He might have seen us there and wondered why we were hanging around where he was,’ I countered.

Caro took a sip of her drink and gestured at me with the glass. ‘It’s a pathetic argument and you know it. I think deep down you know it was a real kiss and that really frightens you. Because, while you can be fierce and brave when it comes to fighting for other people’s best interests, when it comes to fighting for your own, you always let your anxiety hold you back.’

She was right. But accepting that fact was one thing, changing such an ingrained habit was quite another.

I jumped as my phone started ringing. Leo.

‘Did I mention that he’s way out of my league?’ I said.

Caro shook her head. ‘Get over yourself. You’ll get far more out of life if you do. That whole concept of not being in someone’s league is a nonsense, an easy excuse because you’re too scared to make a proper move and run the risk of having your heart broken. But sometimes you’ve got to feel the fear, then put on your big girl pants and go out and do it anyway. It’s an old cliché but when people get to their deathbed, it’s the things they didn’t do that they regret the most.’

The phone stopped ringing.

‘He’s not left a message,’ I said.

‘You could always call him back.’

‘It obviously wasn’t that important.’

I sounded pathetic, but that was how I felt right now. Caro reached across and, placing her hand over mine, gave it a gentle squeeze.

‘Try not to worry. I wouldn’t read anything into him not leaving a voicemail. You can ring in the morning and have a proper conversation with him then. You’ll feel better once you’ve had a decent night’s sleep,’ she said.

If only it were so simple.

---