Page 40 of The Typo

‘I’m answering your earlier question about my so-called adventure,’ she said. She stirred her drink with the straw, staring thoughtfully into its depths. ‘If I’m being truly honest, I’m not so sure we’re making the right decision to leave everything behind and start over. It’s such a huge step and we’re going to be so far from everyone we know. I’ve been going through my pros and cons list again in my head, and the cons are definitely winning.’ She took another deep gulp of her drink. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be putting a downer on tonight.’

‘When I said she’s moving to the other side of the world, I meant Australia,’ I explained quickly to Leonie. ‘Which let’s face it, is only a couple of plane rides away. It’s an amazing thing to do, and I’m full of admiration for you.’ I sensed Cass needed bolstering. Although selfishly I’d love it if she decided to stay, in my heart of hearts, I knew that wouldn’t be the right thing for her. I put my arm around her shoulders and squeezed tight. ‘What is it you used to tell me when I was being a wuss about something? Feel the fear and do it anyway. You’ve always lived your life with that attitude. It’s one of the many reasons why I love being your friend.’

‘Misplaced love,’ said Cass. ‘I’m feeling the fear and seriously considering calling the whole thing off. Even the thought of the plane journey with Millie fills me with dread. It’s a twenty-four-hour flight. With a stopover. In economy, because obviously we’re not made of money. With a baby who is yet to discover the joys of letting everyone have a good night’s sleep. She actually gets more lively after dark. It’s been hard enough trying to get her into some kind of routine without throwing a ridiculously long flight and jetlag into the mix. I don’t know what I was thinking when I agreed to it.’

She knocked the rest of her drink back. I signalled to the barman for a refill. I felt singularly unqualified to help her with this situation. As I was scrabbling for the right words, Leonie piped up.

‘How old is Millie?’ she asked.

‘Six months.’

Leonie nodded. ‘I remember those sleepless nights. It’s like being tortured, isn’t it? I’m not going to pretend a flight on top of all that will be easy. But I took my little boy to visit his grandma in Jamaica when he was only three months old, and speaking from experience, people are a lot kinder than you think, if it’s their reactions that you’re worrying about. You will manage it, trust me. After the plane took off, Seb had a full-on meltdown, screaming his head off and I felt absolutely desperate, like I was the worst mum in the world. And of course, the more frantically I tried to calm him down, the more upset we both got. Then a woman tapped me on the shoulder and I turned round ready to give her both barrels if she dared have a go at me. And she said, “You’re doing a great job. Do you want me to hold him so you can go and freshen up?” When I got back from the loo, somehow she’d managed to calm him down, and then a few other people smiled at me too, and I realised it was going to be ok.’

‘Let’s hope the same guardian angel is on my plane,’ said Cass. ‘Knowing my luck, it will be full of people who like to tut.’ But she did look a little brighter. ‘I think I’m fixating on the flight because I’m even more nervous about everything I’ll have to face once we get off the plane and have to set up a new home on the other side of the world. I don’t even know where to start with that. The hospital has arranged us some temporary staff accommodation for the first six weeks. After that we’ll be on our own.’

‘Cass, you’re the most organised, efficient problem-solver I’ve ever met in my life, and Gareth isn’t far behind,’ I said. ‘Plus, you’re absolutely lovely. People will be falling over themselves to help you and make sure you settle in ok. The pair of you will have it all sorted in six days, never mind six weeks, you mark my words. I bet when you arrive, you’ll bump into others who’ve been in exactly your position who’ll be more than happy to share their insider knowledge while you get sorted. Then before you know it, you’ll be doing the same for the next nervous expat family to arrive.’ Cass was starting to look a little less tense, although whether it was from my pep speech or the extra drink, I wasn’t entirely sure. ‘And remember, I’m only a phone call or a video chat away,’ I added. ‘I’ll be so thrilled to hear from you, that I won’t even mind if you get your time difference muddled and call me in the middle of the night.’

‘I’ll remind you of that when you grumble at a 2am phone call.’ She returned my hug. ‘Seriously though, you’re a good friend, you know that, don’t you, Amy?’

‘Thanks, Cass.’ I blinked a couple of times, hoping that my waterproof mascara would live up to its guarantee.

The DJ started playing another tune, and Cass suddenly sat up straight and fixed me with a curious look. ‘Anyway, forget about my mojito-fuelled ramblings. I’m being a rubbish friend, because there’s been huge stuff going on in your life and I’ve not even asked you about it yet.’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked, on my guard. Had she found out about my correspondence with Cameron? And if so, how?

‘What’s this I hear about you going out busking? Leonie told me when you were in the cloakroom.’

Perhaps being quizzed about my penpal might be better after all. ‘It was no big deal,’ I said, keen to underplay it as much as possible. I didn’t want Leonie asking any awkward questions about why it really was, and thinking less of me because of it.

Thankfully Cass took the hint. ‘I’m proud of you, lovely.’ She squeezed my hand. ‘I’ve missed hearing you play. I hope I’ll be able to see you perform again before I depart for Down Under. Maybe at the Cellar Bar?’

‘Maybe,’ I said.

‘That’s definitely an advance on the firm no she gave Malcolm,’ said Leonie gleefully.

‘Hmm,’ I responded. ‘Perhaps it’s time to move on to our next venue.’

Although I kept denying it to those who asked, at the back of my mind I was starting to wonder whether a low-key performance at the Cellar Bar might be a way of making true more of the claims I’d made to Cameron. I had to make things right before I could allow myself to dream about what, if any, future we might have. I was going to be running the open mic nights, and it would be easy as anything to add my name to the list of performers. Easy, but perhaps not quite so straightforward emotionally. Every time I dared allow myself to think about walking out on a stage again, or standing up in front of a formal audience, I felt sick, the horror of that terrible last performance coming rushing back, along with the crippling sense of utter inadequacy. But I knew the day was coming when I would need to be brave, to stand up, fight back against the imposter syndrome and start believing in myself again.

The DJ finished her set by announcing that the karaoke microphone was up for grabs.

‘Never mind getting the violin out, how about getting your singing voice on?’ said Cass, a determined expression on her face.

I shrunk back in my seat.

‘Absolutely categorically not. No way,’ I said.

She fluttered her eyelashes at us. ‘Surely you can grant a last request to a dear friend? Back me up, Leonie, you’ll do it won’t you?’

‘You’re going to Australia. You’re not on death row,’ I retorted, my resolve already wavering. ‘And we’re going to keep in touch with each other religiously, so it definitely won’t be a last request.’

Cass linked her little finger with mine. ‘I pinky promise.’

‘You better,’ I said.

‘So, karaoke then?’ she pushed, still not letting it go.

‘Only if Leonie agrees.’

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