Page 5 of Her Fixer Upper

‘Ex? As if. You were blatantly checking out his bum,’ I teased her as the door closed behind him. ‘What happened to the “ex is hexed”?’ But while I was desperate to keep the conversation light so that things felt more normal, I knew I had to say something. ‘Although I’m glad he’s fighting my corner, maybe take a breath or two before you rush into something with Nim and go through all that heartache again, eh? Remember what happened before. I hated seeing you so upset when he kept on cancelling dates and not being there for you.’

Leila shrugged. ‘Not every ex is like your ex, Freya. What can I say? It’s the nature of Nim’s job, and he’s been here this morning when I needed him. Yes, we had our issues, but he’s a very fine specimen of the male species, who also happens to be a pretty decent human being most of the time. It’s a rare combination and I think he’s worth taking another chance on. Sometimes you have to go with your gut, and trust that it’ll be worth it. Besides, it would be rude not to admire the wonders of creation.’ Her eyes twinkled. ‘Speaking of which, it was nice to meet that old friend of yours last night before Evil Stevil overshadowed the whole evening.’

I could tell she was trying to distract me, but I decided to let her and seized the opportunity to tell her about my plan.

‘Ah yes, I meant to talk to you about Charlie,’ I said. I took a deep breath, wondering how best to phrase what I was about to say. And then I decided to stop overthinking and just come out with it. ‘Given everything that’s happened, I’ve realised that your suggestion was an excellent one, and I’m going to visit him today to see if I can persuade him to agree with me.’

Leila looked confused. ‘While I’m always happy to take credit for excellent suggestions, you’ll have to remind me exactly which one you’re referring to as I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. My memory of last night is a little hazy. I think the tonic water was off.’

‘Or maybe it was the gin you kept on insisting they add to it,’ I teased her. ‘You said Charlie and I should buy a house together. And I’ve analysed the pros and cons, and the former definitely outweigh the latter.’ I quickly explained my idea to flip the property for a tidy profit, leaving both of us in a much-improved position.

Leila started laughing. ‘And you thinkI’mbeing impulsive wanting to get back with Nim? You don’t do things by halves, do you? It’s been quite the twenty-four hours in the life of Freya Hutchinson. From coming second in the pub quiz to embarking on a new adventure in the world of housing. You go, girl. Why not? But I must warn you that I’m quite the connoisseur of property porn, and these fixer upper dreams always have more than their fair share of nightmarish scenarios. Never underestimate how challenging it could be.’ She paused, and then put her arm around my shoulders, giving me a reassuring squeeze. ‘But if anyone can do it, you can. For as long as we’ve been friends, you’ve always succeeded in whatever you’ve put your mind to. As for Charlie, your partner in crime, well, I can’t really comment as I don’t know him. But then again, neither do you, really, do you? It’s an interesting situation. You’ll probably end up killing each other. Either that or kissing each other. Both are messy in their own way.’

Her laughter grew even more uproarious.

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence. And don’t worry, this is very much a decision based on cold, hard logic. I’ve thought about it carefully and I’ve already considered every eventuality. Not that kissing Charlie is a realistic eventuality at all,’ I added hastily. ‘We’re practically brother and sister. Or at least, we were. I’m going to write The Rules, a list of clear boundaries and guidelines for behaviour that we can agree to so we know exactly where we stand. We’re both grown-ups. With a joint mortgage at stake, we neither of us could afford for things to get messy.’

‘Hmm,’ said Leila. ‘If you think that will work, then who am I to disagree? But I will say this one thing. Real life isn’t like being in the school environment where the rules are simple and the consequences for breaking them are obvious.’

I experienced a pang of misgiving which I firmly stamped down on. I had no other alternative. This plan had to work.

‘And what does Charlie think about The Rules?’ she asked. ‘No wait, when would you even have had the time to ask him?’

‘As you pointed out, it’s been quite the twenty-four hours so I haven’t had the opportunity to run the plan by him yet. He mentioned last night that he’s working for an estate agent today, showing around clients. I thought I’d go and find him there. This is probably the kind of conversation which should be done in person.’

‘Oh, I should say so,’ said Leila. ‘Well, I guess I’d better let you use the bathroom first. I’ll be crossing my fingers for you, though you know you’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you want.’

‘And get in the way of you and Nim? No fear,’ I said. ‘The walls of your flat are definitely not thick enough.’

I wondered if I’d change my mind once a shower and breakfast had clarified my thought processes, but the more I considered the idea, the better it seemed. I was sick and tired of living in limbo, always being at the mercy of the precarious rental market and the dodgy characters who took advantage of it. It was time to move on and start positive action. Hopefully Charlie would agree. I sat for a couple of hours compiling The Rules, wracking my brains to make sure that I covered every eventuality that could occur in joint home ownership. As I always told my pupils when they were meant to be revising, if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail.

Once I was satisfied that I’d created a clear set of guidelines with absolutely no room for error, I set about tracking down Charlie. A bit of rudimentary research on social media helped me to find the agency that he was doing shifts for, a rather glossy-looking place in leafy Harrogate. He probably got to show people around a lot of gorgeous but unattainable properties in that highly sought-after area. Charlie and I were born in the Yorkshire Dales, and Harrogate was the town we were first allowed to visit by ourselves in what felt like a massive childhood rite of passage. I’d always thought it would be a nice place to live – lots of lovely Victorian buildings, plenty of cafés serving seriously scrummy food, plus it had a vibrant social scene with amazing book festivals. I was starting to sound like an estate agent myself.

I wondered if Charlie would have the same taste in housing as me. I stamped down on the voice at the back of my head that told me that this was another issue I hadn’t properly considered. What if Charlie had completely different ideas about where he wanted to be based? But I wouldn’t find out until I asked him.

Armed with my list of The Rules for reassurance, I hopped on the train and made my way to Harrogate, rehearsing how best to explain the rationale behind my proposal the whole way there.

* * *

‘How can I help you?’ The estate agent’s voice was studiously neutral and distinctly lacking in enthusiasm. I wondered if he’d done a quick assessment of my appearance and decided that I was clearly not likely to be a rich prospective client who was worth cultivating. The undercurrent of snootiness made me panic slightly, which was why I said what I did.

‘I’m expecting to meet Charles Humphries. We have an appointment. He’s due to show me around The Glades.’ I named a house which I’d happened to see in the window as I’d come in. Of course, the reason it had stood out was that it was one of their ‘Premium listings’ displayed on gold paper with the price not even listed, a clue that it couldn’t have been more out of my league. The man’s attitude changed in an instant from complete indifference to vomit-inducing obsequiousness.

‘Certainly, madam, would you like to come and take a seat in our lounge? I’m sure Charles will be with you in the blink of an eye. I can only apologise that he’s not already here ready to meet with you. May I offer you a beverage while you wait?’

He practically bowed as he ushered me into a room full of plush upholstery, mood music playing quietly in the background. It even smelled expensive.

‘An Americano would be lovely, thank you,’ I said, deciding I might as well take advantage of his offer of hospitality, even if it was elicited under false pretences. The instant coffee from the communal jar in the staffroom created a drink more like dishwater, and contrary to what Mr Rhys thought, I did not spend all my spare cash buying fancy drinks from expensive shops.

‘Certainly, right away, madam,’ the estate agent said, hurrying off to the no doubt posh coffee machine to fix my drink.

I tried to look relaxed, aware that I might well be under the scrutiny of CCTV, but I felt very out of place, expecting to be asked to leave at any moment. I heard the shop doorbell tinkle, then the distinctive sound of Charlie’s voice greeting his colleagues cheerily. He received a curt response. I hoped he wasn’t being told off for not letting them know about a fictional appointment to show somebody around The Glades. The last thing I wanted was for my arrival to cause difficulties for him. I sat up straighter, gripping the piece of paper with The Rules written on as if it was a talisman. Now that the moment had arrived to present the proposal to Charlie, I felt incredibly nervous. What if he said no? For once in my life, I didn’t have a back-up plan.

The estate agent reappeared, drink in one hand, ushering Charlie along with the other.

‘Charles, this is…’ He hesitated, suddenly realising that he’d failed to get my name.

‘Miss Hutchinson,’ I replied, figuring he was the kind of man who would appreciate a bit of formality. I stared at Charlie, hoping to telegraph the message that we weren’t meant to know each other. Fortunately, Charlie caught on straightaway.

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