Page 55 of Her Fixer Upper

‘Never better,’ I replied in an overly enthusiastic manner. Then I pretended to check my watch and yawned. ‘Goodness me, how is that the time? If you don’t mind, I’ll leave you to it. I’m due at a staff meeting in fewer hours than I care to think about. Night, sleep well.’

I hurried from the room, not even daring to take one final look at Charlie’s face. I’d got his message loud and clear.

ChapterTwenty-Five

After a sleepless night, I got up extra early and fled, taking the very first bus out of the village so there was no danger of bumping into Charlie on my way out. But even as I dashed through the kitchen, a sleepy Ted only bothering to half-heartedly wag his tail at me, I noticed that the framed copy of The Rules had been propped up on the work surface. Charlie had obviously given up on his plan to hang them on the wall, but they were still prominently on display, and there was no escaping the message they delivered.

Normally I found the start of a new school year exciting, with the fun anticipation of meeting my classes, who were generally full of enthusiasm in return, the novelty factor of being in a new year group yet to wear off. But although I enjoyed greeting the pupils and catching up with the stories of their adventures over the summer break, I was reluctant to say much about what I had been up to during my holiday, the memory of The Rules framed in the kitchen setting my stomach churning with doubt and distress every time I thought about it.

I was also actively avoiding Leila as I knew she’d pick up on my low mood the second she saw me, and I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready. Instead I was trailing around after Mr Rhys, a real form of self-punishment, listening to him running through his favourite complaints and grumbling about his workload, while I tried to persuade him to offload some of his tasks on me so I’d legitimately look busy if Leila came in search of me.

‘I’m glad I’ve got you alone, Miss Hutchinson,’ said Mr Rhys as we sat together over lunch, a phrase which would have sounded vaguely predatory if it hadn’t been clear that any lustful thoughts he had were mostly directed at his dessert. ‘I wanted to ask you if you’ve made your mind up.’

‘About what?’ I asked, buying myself some time, even though I knew exactly what he was getting at.

‘I’m going to officially announce my retirement, which means that the advert for my replacement will soon be going live. What are your thoughts?’

I was relieved that he didn’t repeat his earlier speech about how good value I’d be for the role. And although he didn’t seem to be about to offer any other kind of endorsement, I realised that it didn’t matter to me. Whether I went for the Head of Department job was my decision, and my decision alone. The important question was whether I was ready for the greater responsibility, whether I believed in myself enough to apply and make that bold statement that I had the talent and the ability to make a success of the role, and to be the Head of History that the pupils and staff needed.

I took a deep breath. ‘I’m very keen to apply. I’m looking forward to proving that I’m the right person for the job.’

I was adding a whole extra layer of stress to my already very pressured life, but as I said the words out loud, I knew they were true. It was time for me to be brave, and back myself for a change, at least in my professional life. It felt good.

Mr Rhys nodded. In fact, he opened his mouth in what I think was meant to be a smile, treating me to the sight of the rice pudding sloshing around in there.

‘If you’d like a second pair of eyes to look over your application, I might be able to find some time to oblige,’ he said. ‘Now I’ll let you go. I believe one of the PE teachers is trying to attract your attention.’

I hardly had time to acknowledge his offer of help before Leila descended.

‘Coffee time,’ she said, scooping me up and thrusting a cup into my hands. She hustled me out of the dining room and down to the bike sheds, where we turfed out a couple of sixth formers who looked like they were about to become the first golden couple of the new school year.

‘Off you go, you two. And hand over that chewing gum before you get yourselves into any more trouble,’ said Leila, as the dishevelled pair slunk off to find another quiet corner.

‘Love is in the air,’ she said with a grin after they’d gone out of hearing range.

‘Not everywhere,’ I said, my mood dipping again.

‘What, not you and Charlie?’ she said, the surprise evident in her voice. ‘You finally said something?’

‘No, I didn’t. And I’m not going to because Charlie has made it very clear that he is definitely not interested in me in that way.’ I explained about how he’d presented me with a framed version of The Rules as Leila listened carefully and made sympathetic noises.

‘If I were you, I wouldn’t rush to conclusions,’ she said. ‘You don’t know that warning you off was his reason for getting them framed.’

I turned to face her. ‘It seems pretty clear to me. How else am I meant to interpret it? I set The Rules. I wrote in big, bold handwriting the words “Don’t get involved”. And he’s gently reminding me to keep to that resolution. Because he’s a thoroughly decent guy, and he doesn’t want to hurt me, or see me suffering through the mortifyingly painful experience of being kindly let down by him. We made a practical business arrangement, and he’s reminding me of that fact before I mess everything up. Clearly, I need to listen to the message he’s giving me. And there’s the small matter of Serena to consider too. There’s so obviously something going on between them. I need to get my act together, and stop letting myself get carried away by imagining he would be likely to reciprocate my feelings. Time to concentrate on doing the house up, and getting my promotion.’

I quickly told her about the Head of Department job, feeling guilty that I hadn’t confided in her before. But Leila wasn’t one to bear grudges and she knew, without me having to explain, why I’d kept so quiet about it.

‘You go, Freya. I’m so proud of you. You’ll be ace at the job.’

‘Funnily enough, that’s exactly what Charlie said.’

‘And Charlie’s right. And sticking with the subject of Charlie, if you can have self-belief enough to go for this job, then why not apply that in other areas of your life?’

I pulled a face.

‘No, hear me out,’ said Leila. ‘I think you’ve so convinced yourself that things couldn’t possibly work out for you and Charlie that you’re seeing problems where they don’t exist. You need to have more faith in yourself, and not jump to conclusions when you haven’t even dared to have the conversation with him. Trust what your heart is telling you, and trust that it’s not an impossible idea that a great guy like Charlie would reciprocate your feelings. The best relationships are built on a solid friendship, after all. And if there’s one thing about you guys, you have a really, really good friendship.’

I threw my hands up in exasperation. ‘And clearly friendship is what I am going to have to resign myself to. It was foolish of me to hanker after something more. Anyway, I really don’t want to discuss it any further. The subject is closed. I need to move on with my life, and stop allowing myself to get distracted by this whole sorry situation. It’s time to focus on building a future for myself alone.’

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