Page 10 of Her Fixer Upper

‘Forgive an old fogey with a fondness for romances. The local library does a wonderful line in large-print Mills and Boons, and they’ve got me seeing sexual tension everywhere I look,’ said Granddad with a twinkle in his eyes.

I didn’t know whether to be amused or appalled at the idea of my sweet grandfather devouring raunchy novels.

‘Anyway, you didn’t call me to discuss my book club choices. Unless you’ve got a strange background filter on, you’re calling me from a building site.’

‘It might as well be,’ I said, quickly explaining the joint house-buying idea. Granddad nodded his head in approval which made me feel a whole lot better.

‘That sounds like an excellent plan,’ he said. ‘And let me guess, you’re touring a prospective property and you’d like my expert opinion? Remember that my eyesight isn’t what it was, and there’s only so much I can tell through a phone screen. I would still advise you to get a proper survey done, the best one you can afford.’

‘Don’t worry, that’s the very top of my list.’ I once again waved The Rules at Charlie, reminding him that he was yet to read and agree to them.

‘You have a look around the rest of the house with Arthur, and I’ll go and investigate the outbuilding. I think it would make a perfect office for me,’ said Charlie.

I was grateful that he was offering me the opportunity to explore by myself. It would be too easy to get caught up in his infectious excitement and allow myself to get carried away.

‘Now then, love, let’s start with the downstairs and we’ll work our way round.’

Following Granddad’s instructions, I rapped on walls, zoomed in on window frames and even nervously climbed up on an abandoned chair so he could take a closer look at cracks in the ceiling.

‘I know it’s concerning to see cracks, but they look fairly superficial to me. And every house this age will have some kind of woodworm in the beams. The surveyor will give you a second opinion, of course, but it’s looking promising to me so far. It could be a very good investment. Do you want to show me what the upstairs looks like?’

The stairs creaked and groaned with every step I took, but fortunately they showed no sign of giving under my weight.

‘Perhaps don’t jump up and down on them,’ said Granddad. ‘I don’t want to be responsible for my only granddaughter taking a tumble. What’s inspired this sudden desire to buy with Charlie, anyway? I thought you were settled in that house share in Headingley?’

I found myself getting a little teary once again as I told him about Evil Stevil. Granddad shook his head in disgust.

‘I was reading something on one of the online news sites the other day about unscrupulous landlords trying to exchange sex for rent. It’s a trick as old as time. He’s lucky that I’m not as spry as I used to be, otherwise I’d be round at the house showing him what I think of his behaviour. I’m happy to expose him on social media, if you like, though? Ted could get him cancelled in no time. He’s got nearly 500 followers now, did you know?’

‘Ted wields quite the power. But I’d rather let sleeping dogs lie. Besides, Leila’s policeman friend Nim is onto him.’

‘Good,’ said Granddad. ‘That’s the least he deserves.’

I felt a strong sense of misgiving when I got upstairs and saw how the rooms were laid out. The two bedrooms were both a decent size with big windows which were currently rattling in the wind and letting in a fair amount of freezing air, but the views from them might almost compensate for that. However, the bathroom was another thing altogether. I could see past the dated avocado suite and the accumulated gunge of several decades, but I really didn’t like the way the room was set out so the only way to access it was through the bedrooms.

‘Now that’s interesting,’ said Granddad. ‘A Jack and Jill bathroom. You’ll have to make sure you have a system for letting each other know when you’re using the facilities.’

‘I suppose it’s nothing a couple of locks wouldn’t deal with, but it’s not exactly very practical, is it?’

‘Why don’t you try tapping that wall where the hallway must be?’ suggested Granddad.

I did as instructed and even I with my limited awareness of such things could recognise that it sounded hollow.

‘As I suspected,’ he said triumphantly. ‘That’s a simple wooden partition. A late addition, I think. That’s easily remedied. I imagine it was originally another bedroom, and when they remodelled and put the bathroom in, they thought it would be a good idea to set it out like this. I reckon you’ll be able to put a door back into the hallway, no problem, block up the other ones, and you’ll have yourself a lovely big bathroom, the perfect place for you to unwind with a hot bath after a difficult day at school.’

‘Now that sounds lovely. Tell me honestly, am I deluded to be even considering this property? It’s the complete opposite of everything I imagined, but…’

Granddad smiled. ‘At the end of the day, it’s your money, love, but you might as well use it to pay off your own mortgage, rather than someone else’s. And I can tell by the look on your face that you’re falling for the place, despite the challenges it will undoubtedly present you both with. Trust your instinct and listen to your heart, not your head, for once. What’s the worst that could happen? Now, I’m afraid I’ve got to go as the young sir is reminding me that it’s long past his dinnertime. Speak to you soon.’

I waved goodbye, promising to pop round to visit him and Ted in person after school next week, and then I gingerly made my way back down the stairs.

‘Well?’ asked Charlie, a hopeful expression on his face.

I answered by handing The Rules over to him.

‘Read these first and then I’ll give you my answer.’

Charlie rolled his eyes, but he took the paper without further complaint.

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