Page 51 of Take a Chance on Greece

Istayed in my room for a good few hours, examining my thoughts, creating a mental spreadsheet of pros and cons, battling with what I should do next. But as I gazed out of the window at the majestic wildness of the mountain, I kept returning to the same answer. It was time to stop running away. Despite all the hurdles, and the complete mess that was my personal life, there was the potential for me to create something here in Kefalonia, to carve out a worthwhile future for myself, regardless of the Alexis situation. Everything I’d been through over the past few weeks proved that I was more than capable of standing on my own two feet and facing whatever challenges were thrown at me. Now I just had to decide to back myself once again, and take control of my destiny.

I padded over to the dress which I’d worn last night and fished Andreas Rouvas’s business card out the pocket. The Lydia of old would have been hesitant to follow this lead, shrinking from proactively creating an opportunity for herself out of fear of the unknown or concern about what other people would think. The Lydia of today knew her worth, and was no longer afraid to take a chance. If local business tycoon Andreas Rouvas said he might be able to send work my way, then I was certainly going to take him up on that offer of assistance.

After an illuminating phone call, I went downstairs in search of something to eat, my appetite apparently having not got the memo about the emotional trauma I was going through. I turned onto the final flight of stairs and stopped when I spotted a familiar figure loitering in the reception area.

‘Hello, Jim,’ I said, not entirely surprised to see him there waiting for me. I made a mental note to speak to Yiota about tightening the hotel’s security.

‘We need to talk,’ he said.

I braced myself for dread to pool in the pit of my stomach, but was pleased to find only a complete sense of indifference instead. I paused one step from the bottom, so that I could be at the same eye level as Jim. And then I looked at him, really looked and double-checked with myself that I was happy with what I’d decided to do. The answer came easily.

‘I am happy to talk,’ I said. I held up my hand to stop the expression of smug satisfaction which appeared on Jim’s face. ‘But I will only do so if you promise to listen, really listen, to what I have to say.’

‘That’s fine. As long as you listen to me too,’ he couldn’t resist adding as an afterthought.

‘Jim, I always listened to you. And I think that was a big part of the problem.’

‘You needed my guidance.’

‘But that’s the thing, I didn’t. When I started out as your trainee, of course I looked up to you as my boss and mentor, the person who could help me to develop into a competent, successful accountant. But that inequality continued into our relationship, to the point where you were reluctant to give me a key when we moved in together or let me keep all my stuff, because you hated letting go of any vestige of control.’ I could tell from his expression that he still didn’t get what I was saying. ‘I was always capable of standing on my own two feet. It was you who was keen to create this illusion that I was so dependent on you. You never wanted a partnership of equals, and I would never now settle for anything less than that. It was inevitable it would end badly for us.’

‘Like this has ended well for you?’ Jim gestured around at the hotel. ‘I hear you make a living nowadays scrubbing skid marks off toilets and cleaning up other people’s rubbish. Classy.’

I shrugged, unmoved by his attempt to make me feel small.

‘It’s an honest living, and it makes a positive difference to other people. If you look down on it, then that’s your problem,’ I said. ‘I have the respect of my boss and colleagues, and my mind is my own. It’s given me space to think about what I really want to achieve in life. And I am determined that I will pursue those ambitions. The best thing about my life now is that I don’t need anyone’s permission to live it the way I want to.’

Jim slowly deflated in front of me. The more I stood up to him and asserted myself, the less he seemed to know what to do with himself. Whatever he’d been expecting when he’d flown out to Kefalonia to track me down, it definitely hadn’t been this: a confident, assured woman who knew what she wanted, and who was no longer afraid to go after it.

‘What about that Alexis chap? I overheard your conversation. You say you prize honesty, but it doesn’t sound like he’s been very honest with you,’ he said, puffing up his chest again.

I waited for the instant stab of pain to subside before I answered him. ‘That is a matter for me and Alexis, and quite frankly, it is none of your business. Goodbye, Jim. I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay, and have a safe journey back home. I wish you the best for the future, but in case you are in any doubt, I willnotbe featuring in it.’

I turned my back on him, and strode purposefully towards the cloakroom before he could see my carefully constructed armour melting away. My heart was racing, my appetite had disappeared, but I was proud that I’d once again stood up to him. This time, Jim could be in no doubt about my feelings and about my intention to choose my own path in life, a life which would not involve him. Whether he went straight home or not, it didn’t matter. I had stood up to him for one final time, and shown him that he could no longer cow me into doing what he wanted.

But that had been the straightforward bit. The next challenge facing me was the Alexis situation, and I didn’t have a clue where to start with that. I perched on the closed toilet lid and looked at my phone. According to WhatsApp, Alexis hadn’t been online since we’d exchanged messages before our fateful first date last night. So, he couldn’t even bear to show his face in the virtual world either? Sounded about right. Then I stopped myself. This was Alexis I was badmouthing. Alexis who had been nothing but kind to me, who set my brain buzzing as well as making my heart sing – but who also seemed to have been nursing a great big secret throughout our acquaintance.

I thought carefully back through our every interaction, examining his behaviour in a new light and remembering what he had said to me. He had never actually out and out lied about not knowing Awesome Andreas, but he had certainly steered clear of revealing the truth. And now that I came to think about it, hadn’t there been warning signs that he’d been keeping something from me? The way his Greek conversations had always seemed to last longer than his supposed direct English translations when he introduced me to Maria and Yiota back at the very beginning, his tendency towards clumsiness when our chat veered too close to the identity of Awesome Andreas. Could it in fact be that he wasn’t the only one who knew who Awesome Andreas was? Had he enlisted the help of Yiota, Eleni and others to keep his secret?

But, I reminded myself, Alexis was no Jim. He’d never coerced me into doing something against my will, and he’d never pushed to have a relationship with me. Quite the opposite in fact. It was only when I asked him out that he confessed that he had been harbouring tender feelings towards me from when we first met. When wefirstmet. I wondered. Could it be that I’d encountered Alexis before my return to Greece? Was he there on that night when I got the tattoo? Maybe that was how he knew who Awesome Andreas was.

I felt my heart start beating faster as Alexis’s status changed from ‘last seen yesterday’ to ‘online.’ My fingers hovered over the screen, but before I could formulate a message, Alexis got in there first.

I considered writing you an apology and a declaration of love worthy of Captain Wentworth, but I owe you more than that. This is probably too much to ask of you, but would you consider meeting me so I can explain and apologise in person?

He remembered thatPersuasionwas my favourite Jane Austen book and the character Captain Wentworth my ultimate hero. Not that I should let that influence my decision, but I was touched that he’d recalled a throwaway comment I’d once made.Persuasionwas a book about second chances. In the past I might have thought I owed Alexis a second chance. Now I knew I didn’t owe him anything. My actions were my own, and should be freely undertaken out of choice, not out of any sense of obligation. I stared at the message on the screen and considered my options. To reply, or not? To give him that chance or not? Actually, it was an easy decision. I was going to give him the opportunity to explain things to me, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. What would happen after that, I had no idea, but I needed to understand.

I started tapping out a quick message, telling him to meet me at Maria’s Taverna. And then I changed my mind and said I’d go to his bookshop. It felt right that we have the conversation in the place where this had all started.

I unlocked the cloakroom door and emerged to find Yiota hovering outside, waving a feather duster around in an unconvincing way.

‘Kalimera, Yiota.’

‘Is it a good morning, though?’ she replied. She pretended to examine a picture frame for cobwebs, then let out a sigh. ‘Look, it is none of my business, and I told myself when my idiot brother first asked me to give you a job that I should not get involved, but involved I am, so I will say something. When Angelo and I arrived back from Argostoli last night, we saw Alexis walking down the street and he told me he had finally confessed to you.’ She made a tutting noise. ‘I will not tell you how he was, because it would not be right to put pressure on you that way, and if I am honest, he has brought this situation on himself. I knew from the very first moment that this would be the outcome.’ She reached out and clasped my arm, fixing me in her perceptive gaze. ‘But I will say this. At the end of the day, Alexis is a good man. He made a foolish decision, and then he got deeper into trouble than he realised he could get, and in the course of doing so, he has caused you and himself great pain. I will respect whatever you decide, but I love my brother, and he loves you, so I hope that you will be able to work things out between you. I will say no more.’

‘So, you did know from the very beginning,’ I said, feeling even more foolish. She didn’t deny it, but mimed zipping her lips and after a brief moment of hesitation, strode off to carry on pretending that she was preoccupied entirely by cleaning. At least I knew now that her initial reluctance to employ me hadn’t been a personal thing, but was instead more to do with her frustration at the position Alexis was putting her in. I knew I’d proved my worth since then.

I took my time walking down the back street to town. Even though every step reminded me of the passion-fuelled slow progress we’d made along here in the opposite direction last night, I still preferred the quiet, needing the peace to examine my thoughts further. Until I heard Alexis out, I couldn’t decide what I wanted for our future, whether we would even remain as friends, let alone become lovers. But I could determine what the rest of my future held. As I leaned on the gate waiting for my donkey friend to shamble over to me, the sun sparkling and the breeze softly tickling my skin, I was even more determined that whatever happened, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to all of this. My conversation this morning with Andreas Rouvas had confirmed that there were good opportunities for me here, that with hard work and determination, I could make something of myself. And that’s what I was going to do, regardless of the outcome of my conversation with Alexis.

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