Page 7 of Can I?

“You have school in the morning. You should be in the comfort of your bed.”

“We are in April. School is practically done. I’ll be glad to get away from that high school. Plus, I’ll be announcing where I’m headed to.”

My eyebrows lifted. “Which is?”

“Houston. I’m not going far.”

“Oh. Cool.”

He pulled me to him and hugged me tightly. I took a deep breath and released it slowly. I was no longer crying about the situation. It was what it was. I was tired of crying. When I pulled away from him, he gave me a big smile. I chuckled. He’d been doing that since he was a little kid. Whenever I was feeling sad, he would smile big, showing all his teeth, to make me laugh. I was so proud of him for pursuing his dreams of playing football. He never really wanted to rodeo.

I was following Mama’s lead, but I actually enjoyed it too. Ryder J was wanting to be a tattoo artist like Daddy for a while, but then changed his mind about things. He was so mature for his age of eighteen, but I knew that was because he hung out with SS, King, Kane, Ace, Royal, Crew, and PJ. He wasn’t around PJ as much, because he was always into bullshit. Daddy didn’t play that. He was tough on Uncle Philly, and he was a grown ass man, so I knew he would be even worse with Ryder J.

“Mama was crying when I left. I think she’s wearing down. She was in your room.”

I frowned slightly. “Doing what?”

“Just sitting on the bed. She misses you as much as you miss her. She’s just hurt and being stubborn right now. You know when she gets angry, it takes her a while to get over it… or rather let it go.”

“Yeah. It’s been almost a month since she’s known and nearly three weeks since Grandpa died. I just . . . I wish I could travel back in time and make better decisions.”

“The important thing at this point is that you learned from it. I truly believe you have. I need my loud, ratchet ass sister back though.”

I gave him a one-cheeked smile and pushed him as he laughed. He put his arm around me and said, “I truly believe she’ll be calling you soon.”

“I hope so. I spent nearly ten grand on a saddle for her. I know material things aren’t important, but I want her to see just how sorry I am. She knows how tight I am with my money. She taught me to be that way.”

“That shit must have diamonds on it. Fuck!”

“It’s a show saddle. It has carved sterling silver as an overlay. It’s bad ass.”

“If you say so. What were you in here doing?” he asked as he flopped on the couch with his phone already in his hand.

“I was going to bed. I didn’t have anything else to do. How was Easter with the family?”

“Depressing. You weren’t there, Ace wasn’t there, because he’s on house arrest, and then Grandpa . . .” he said, letting me finish the rest of that thought in my mind.

My mama’s items would be arriving to her tomorrow, so I could only hope it would pull at her heartstrings. Being alienated from her had alienated me from family gatherings and the diner. This life was lonely. Besides the people checking on me, I didn’t have anybody. I didn’t have friends outside of my cousins. Therewas never any need to have any. Now I was wishing I did just to get away from here.

My mind immediately went back to Ferris. What was the harm in me getting to know him? It wasn’t like my family was a part of my life to judge my decisions. Me being with Julius, then Malik, clearly proved my womanly intuition hadn’t kicked in just yet.

Interrupting my thoughts, Ryder J asked, “You ready for next weekend?”

“What’s next weekend?” I asked.

“Uuuuhhh… the rodeo in Birmingham. Aren’t you competing?”

I shrugged as his eyebrows lifted. “If Mama still ain’t talking to me, I know for sure I will be pulling out. I’m not totally sold on going even if we have talked.”

“You love barrel racing. What the fuck you talking about, Milana?”

“Mama owns all my shit, Ryder. My horse, the trailer, all that shit belongs to her. Whether she gave it to me or not, it’s all in her name and at her house. She’s so angry at me, she may call the police and say I’m trespassing if I show up there.”

“First of all, you know she ain’t calling the police. She don’t even like those muthafuckas. She’ll bust yo’ ass before she call them. Secondly, she petty, but she ain’tthatpetty. She still loves you and wants to see you do great things. You know how she is. It’s best she stays away from you while she’s angry, or what happened before the funeral will repeat itself. I can tell she regrets hitting you.”

“I deserved it.”

He pulled me in his arms and kissed my forehead. “I love you, Lani. You gon’ always be my big sister and someone I look up to. I’m proud of you.”

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