Page 24 of Twice Baked Risky Whiskey Cakes

The screams of a thousand toddlers emanate from inside and Venus groans.

“Welcome to the battlefield.”

LOTTIE

Awoman meets us in the foyer before we can properly step inside, revealing a stunning beauty who I’m guessing is Venus’ sister-in-law.

The woman is gorgeous. Sculpted features, impossibly svelte frame. Vivian has the polished look of someone who considers being a mom a full-time job but also employs three nannies. Her highlights look as if they cost more than my monthly budget, and her smile has the warmth of a tax audit.

The sound of chatter and laughter pours out into the entry and the sound of classical music is layered just above that. Brass and marble abound every which way you look, and honestly, it feels as if we’re about to step into a mausoleum.

“Venus! You made it!” Vivian air-kisses both of Venus’ cheeks, careful not to disturb either of their makeup. Her gaze lands on the bakery boxes. “Oh good, you brought the treats.” She squints to read the label emblazoned with the name from my bakery and makes a face.

My mouth falls open. What was that face for?

“I got the desserts from the Cutie Pie Bakery and Cakery,” Venus says quickly. “This is the owner, Lottie Lemon, and her adorable daughter, Lyla Nell. And this is?—”

“And I’m the mandatory fun portion of this bakery entourage,” Carlotta announces, as if this tenuous connection justifies her presence at this exclusive gathering. “Carlotta is the name; crashing fancy parties is my game.”

She’s not lying.

“I go wherever the free booze is,” she continues, apparently unable to tell a fib.

Vivian’s face remains frozen in a quasi-smiling mask. “Well, please, come in. Everyone who matters is already here.”

She turns, leading the way just as Venus mouthsI’m sorryto me.

“I can see why you wanted me here,” I whisper to her. “Emotional support.”

She gives a mournful laugh. “You’re onto me.”

We glide through the entry and the scent of roses and something sweet wraps itself around us as the sounds from the party only grow in volume—and the mansion seems to be growing, too.

“This place is the size of a shopping mall,” I whisper, this time to myself.

It looks as if the entire first floor has been converted into a literal fairy-tale wonderland. Real trees—not potted, but apparently uprooted from unsuspecting forest and reinstalled indoors—create a woodland effect in the massive living room. A carousel sits in the middle of the grand room as waiters in tuxedos pass out hors d’oeuvres on gold trays, and a harpist plays Disney songs in the corner, adding to the already chaotic cacophony of screams and shrill laughter.

I hold onto my belly. “I feel like we’ve stepped into the fever dream of a toddler influencer.”

Venus leans my way. “Trust me. You haven’t seen anything yet.”

The room that’s the size of a shopping mall only seems to expand as Venus leads us through it.

“Wow,” Lyla Nell chirps, clearly mesmerized by all the pink fluffy clouds up above us that look as if they’re made from cotton candy, the thousands of arched balloon sculptures, and all of the little kids driving around in miniature cars, making it feel as if we’ve accidentally stepped onto the highway.

“Wow,” Carlotta parrots. “This place looks as if it was designed by someone with unlimited access to Fantasyland and a blank check.”

Venus nods. “The theme appears to be Enchanted Forest Princess Tea Party, but with an aggressive commitment to luxury.”

True as gospel.

She leads up to an entire wall that opens up to a backyard that belongs in the French countryside. There are bounce houses by the dozen, a petting zoo, carnival rides, a midway with prizes, rows and rows of food vendors, and I think I see a pop-up jewelry store and a full-blown cosmetics shop.

But it’s the glorious pastel creature with a horn spouting out from the top of its head that snags my full attention.

“Is that an actualliveunicorn?” I ask as both Lyla Nell and I gasp at once.

“It’s supposed to be.” Venus shrugs. “It’s a Shetland pony with a horn attachment and rainbow dye job,” she confirms. “PETA has already been notified, I’m sure.”

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