Page 39 of Transatlantic Terror Cruise

“And speaking of studying,” Nettie starts. “The gentleman in row three with the yellow polo shirt told his wife recently that he’s been working late when in reality he’s been taking cooking classes with another woman!”

The man nearly ejects himself from his chair as he spins to look at the woman to his right.

“I’m taking them with my sister,” he protests. “She’s trying to recreate our mother’s old recipes. It’s completely innocent!”

The woman jumps to her feet. “If this was so innocent, why in the world would you keep it a secret from me?” She charges her way up the aisle and heads for the exit.

“Wait,” he calls after her. “These were secret recipes!”

The room breaks out in loud murmurs. Clearly, Nettie has taken the crowd fromdelighttofrightin a single bound.

People begin to shift with unease as Nettie rolls on.

“And you!” She points to a woman trying to disappear into her seat to our left. “Writing steamy romance novels under a pen name while your bridge club thinks you’re working on a cookbook? I say good on you, sister. And I must say, I find chapter six quite instructive.”

Bess grunts as she leans my way. “Coming from Nettie, that’s saying a lot.”

Soon enough, a mass exodus begins as Nettie unleashes revelation after revelation.

Hidden toupees, secret love affairs, underground poker tournaments, and a mob mix-up are enough to empty out the entire room in record time.

It’s clear no one is willing to wait around to have their deepest, darkest secrets exposed.

More than half the audience is trying to escape while simultaneously attempting to hide behind their programs, creating a traffic jam of scandalized cruisegoers at every exit.

“And someone in here is trying to get away with murder in the workplace,” she bellows.

That last statement sends the remaining holdouts scrambling for the doors, leaving behind a trail of abandoned programs and perhaps wounded dignity.

Next to me, Becky Lee is laughing so hard she’s crying. “I haven’t seen anything this entertaining since my husband’s podcast group tried to start a boy band!”

On stage, The Amazing Alfonso stands forgotten with his mouth hanging open while Nettie takes a bow to the nearly empty theater.

“Now that’s what I call entertainment,” she shouts to Bess and me. “Although I did hold back on the really good stuff!”

The stampede for the door grows in ferocity.

While Alfonso does his best to salvage what’s left of his dignity, I catch Becky Lee watching Nettie. I can’t help but think there’s a hint of fear in her eyes, and it might have everything to do with Nettie’s impromptu performance and what she just might reveal next.

But Nettie won’t have to reveal a thing.

“How about we grab a bite to eat?” I offer and Becky Lee is quick to nod.

Her lips quiver for a moment and her entire body trembles with a little laugh. “I would love that.”

Between Becky Lee’s quivering lips and trembling body, I know one thing for certain—Nettie might have stolen Alfonso’s show, but Becky Lee’s performance is just beginning.

CHAPTER20

While Trixie’s Away, the Ship Will Play—The Elodie Edition

Welcome back, pleasure seekers! While our honeymooners are busy reviewing security protocols in every possible position—I mean, position of the ship—let’s dive into today’s deliciously desperate question.

Dear Elodie,

My husband and I booked a private cabana for our upcoming cruise. The cruise website mentioned something about butler service, but I’m not sure what to expect. Any advice?

Cabana Confused

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