“Not so fast,” Leo says with a dark chuckle. “Emmie? Did you tell them about the news?”
Emmie grunts. “It turns out, Leo’s mother is a detective herself. She’s arranged for us all to take one of those DNA ancestry tests.” She shoots Leo a look. “Go on, tell them what you heard her thinking to herself.”
Leo chuckles a little harder. “For some reason, my mother has convinced herself that these tests will prove whether or not I’m the father.”
We all share a riotous laugh on his mother’s behalf.
“I knew that woman didn’t care for me,” Emmie says while trying to calm down.
“It’s not that,” Leo says. “She loves you. She just likes to exercise an overabundance of caution. Besides, we all know these tests don’t work that way.” He ticks his head to the side. “I guess the baby’s paternity will have to remain a mystery.”
“You’re terrible.” Emmie swats him and gets right back to pulling cute little outfits out of that bag. “Oh my goodness, these are adorable! Leo, look at the tiny bunny ears!”
Gatsby turns to Sherlock.I think they should make bacon bunnies for dogs.
Or dog-shaped treats for cats,Fish mewls, and Jellybean snickers in agreement.
“Speaking of bunnies”—Jasper says dryly—“maybe we should discuss my wife’s habit of hopping into murder investigations?”
“Bizzy,” Emmie says my name like a dire threat. “You did not. You know how I feel about you getting involved in your condition.”
“Ourcondition,” I say, picking up a slice of pizza and handing it to her before taking one for myself. “And speaking of which, sorry, can’t talk now. I think the baby needs to be fed.”
Jasper tips his head my way. “I just want you to be safe.”
The baby gives another kick, either agreeing with Jasper or reminding me that we never did get around to eating those chocolate-covered blueberries. These days, even my unborn child is better at solving mysteries than I am—they’ve already figured out that every investigation leads to chocolate. Or in this case, pizza.
Speaking of which, the four of us get down to business and do our best to devour all six boxes when a brisk knock erupts at the door.
Emmie gives a light clap. “It’s showtime.”
Chapter 11
It’s showtime indeed as four older women show up with enough paraphernalia to transform Leo and Emmie’s living room into a Zen paradise complete with four massage tables and the soothing sounds of ocean waves.
The women all look as if they could be our mothers with their short curly hair and sensible shoes, dressed in matching lavender scrubs that somehow make them look even more maternal. I spot a few “World’s Best Grandma” pins and at least three different cat-themed brooches between them. And they quickly assure us that they’re all licensed massage therapists so we don’t have a thing to worry about.
Honestly, my pregnant hormones are secretly relieved they’re not the young, gorgeous massage therapists I’d been irrationally dreading.
First thing is first, we get that DNA test out of the way. And once the spitting into a tube is through, one of the therapists claps us to attention.
“Strip down to your towels,” the lead therapist announces cheerfully. “It’s time to get naked.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Leo grins and earns an eye roll from Emmie in the process.
“Getting naked is what got us into this predicament,” I say, patting my belly and the women all laugh at that one.
“Hey, let’s keep it PG,” Jasper teases.We’ll get to the fun part later and do a reenactment of how we got into this predicament.
Leo chuckles and my face turns red as a beet.
We all disappear for a minute, and while Leo and Jasper strip down to the white fluffy towels provided, Emmie and I are gifted what amounts to short terrycloth tents just long enough to cover our chest and bottoms.
The men lie on their stomachs, but the therapist guides Emmie and me through a series of pregnancy-safe positions that make me feel like a beached whale attempting yoga.
“On your side now, ladies,” our therapist says cheerfully.
“If I roll over one more time”—Emmie groans—“I might just keep rolling right out the door.”