I’m not sure whether she’s talking about her daughter anymore.
Jack shifts in his seat and shoots me a look that says,this woman gives me the creeps. Or at least that’s what I’m thinking.
But there is something about Phillis that feels performative.Like this whole speech has been rehearsed for an audience, and yet maybe not the one sitting here tonight.
“Grief isn’t just about loss,” Phillis says as her voice lowers to a whisper. “It’s about regret. It’s about punishment. The choices we make in this life…” She glances at Jack and me and her eyes lock onto ours for a second too long. “They follow us. They shape our fate.”
Talk about driving home a point.
Buddy lets out a small whimper as if he, too, feels the shift in the room. I glance down, scratching behind his ears, but my focus is still on Phillis.
“Most people think death is an ending,” she continues. “But I’ve come to understand that it’s simply a transition. A crossing over. And what waits for us on the other side isn’t the release we hope for.” Her eyes sweep across the room again, her voice dropping to a whisper. “It’s the reckoning.”
The word hangs in the air like a storm cloud ready to burst.
Reckoning?
She drones on for another twenty minutes before stepping back from the podium with a serene expression, and I’m left wondering if she was talking about grief or something else entirely.
A smattering of polite applause circles the room, but it’s subdued as if no one’s quite sure what they just heard. Phillis steps back up, beaming as if the talk has gone perfectly, as if her life’s work has just been validated.
“Thank you all so much for coming out this evening. I’ll be signing books at the table if you’re interested.” She gestures to the coffee and dessert table to the left before inviting everyone to mingle.
But I’m not in the mood for mingling. Phillis evoked a few genuine emotions in me and not in a way that brings me comfort.
“What do you think?” I whisper to Jack as the room comes to life with conversation all at once.
He frowns to his left. “I think I want to try one of those brownies.”
Buddy lifts his head with a hopeful look on his face and I shake my head.
“No way, Buddy. No chocolate for you, remember? We’ve already had a long talk about this.” I lift my chin to Jack. “And don’t you let his big puppy dog eyes manipulate you into giving him one either. You know they can be lethal to him.”
He shakes his head at Buddy. “Isn’t that just like a woman,” he teases. “Everything fun is lethal. Come on, I see a sugar cookie with your name on it.” He gets up and Buddy rises to all fours. “Manipulator.” He chuckles as they head for the dessert table.
I rise to my feet and nearly bump right into Brenda.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, tucking my elbow to the Glock at my waist. It’s a reflex at this point when people get a little too close. Not that she can see it under my wool blazer.
“No, it’s my fault.” She laughs as she pats me on the hand and I note a fresh scratch running down the inside of her arm. I quickly meet her eyes and pretend I didn’t see it. By nature, anything we do as federal agents makes people squirm, and heaven forbid we notice a nick or a scratch. People immediately feel the need to make amends for them as if they need an alibi for breathing in my vicinity.
But Brenda doesn’t. She simply gives a little laugh and gestures to the book table.
“I’ve arranged for complimentary copies for the two of you. Please head over. Phillis is just as excited to get them into your hands.”
“I will. Thank you.”
Jack and I make our way over and stand at the back of theline. Soon enough, it’s our turn and Phillis generously signs a couple of copies of her books and gifts one to each of us.
The night quickly wraps up, and before we know it, we’re one of the last to walk out the door along with Brenda and Phillis.
Both women have their arms laden with a banker’s box filled with books, so I get the door for them and Jack promptly takes the boxes from them and offers to help them to their car.
“No, please,” Phillis says, taking the box precariously balancing on top from him. “I’ve done this a thousand times. But I’ll admit, they’re heavy.”
“That’s right.” Brenda laughs. “We’ve amassed quite the muscles as of late doing just this.”
The night air bites as we tread into the near-empty lot and Phillis steers us to a blue sedan where we drop off the goods right into her trunk before thanking them for a lovely night.