Page 44 of Killer Knows Best

He doesn’t even turn his head until she slurs, “Hey, baby boy! Look who’s here!”

Jet’s face lights up like it’s the greatest surprise of his life.

“Hey, Mom. Where were you all day?” He nods her way, and that tells me everything I need to know. She’s been out, which only means one thing—she’s been using.

I should really consider padlocks to keep her contained.

Within seconds, my mother falls onto him, yelling something incoherent about him being her favorite—most likely true. And soon she’s singing a song about meth, molly, weed—andeven throws in black tar heroin for good measure. Yet despite her dicey lyrics, Jet welcomes her back as if she were a long-lost hero, not the wreck of a human she is now.

I can see why she likes him best.

My sister might as well be a ghost and I’m an unappetizing dose of the truth. And the truth is an antivenom to any street drug available.

The hug-fest continues as my mother slurs both adorations and threats in a single breath while I stand here watching my life unravel like a fraying sweater.

My jaw clenches. The anger boils in my gut and the bile rises to the back of my throat. I don’t know who to be more furious with—her, Jet, or myself for egging her on.

“Jet,back off,” I growl. “She’s high as a kite. This isn’t some warm and fuzzy family reunion.”

Jet pulls away and has the nerve to growl at me in the process. “Calm down, Jack. Don’t make a big deal out of this. This isn’t a thing.”

“A thing? She’s stoned out of her mind,” I say, my voice rising. “You think this is a normal way to act? Never mind, don’t answer that.”

Within seconds, my mother is on her feet and howling an expletive-riddled tirade at me, and I’ve had about as much as I can take. Jet butts his nose to mine as if he’s gunning for a fistfight, and before I can oblige him, Buddy bullets around the room chasing after the cat.

The whole cabin is suddenly too small, too loud, and unsafe. All I want to do is throw my mother and brother outside and lock the door, but instead, I show myself to the exit.

“Care to join me?” I say to Fallon with a nod toward the back porch. “Let’s get out of here before I lose my mind and you’re witness to a double homicide.”

The frozen air slams into us like a wall once we step outside, but it’s a welcome change from the hated madness inside.

The stars are bright, but there’s no warmth in their light. The trees stand tall and black against the night with their shadows stretching across the frozen ground. The silence out here feels like a shock to my system, compared to the carnage and insanity inside. A welcome shock at that.

We make our way to the back porch where the lake glitters like onyx stars in the background and I offer to make a fire, but Fallon shakes her head.

“Your anger is enough to keep us heated.”

She’s not wrong.

We fall into the overstuffed seats, and it’s all I can do to stare out at the dark as the rage inside me simmers. I can feel it coiling tight around my heart like the venomous snake it is.

“I wish I could go back in time.” My voice is low as I say it. “I’d change things for my family. I’d kick the junk out of my father for being a user, for dragging my mother and the rest of us down to hell with him. Then I’d track down his dealer and kick him senseless before I sent him into the afterlife.”

Fallon sits quiet for a moment as her breath forms a fog in the icy air.

“You’d need to go so much farther back than that,” she says softly. “Much farther back than the dealer. What about his supplier? What about them? There are so many moving parts when it comes to why people use and what life experiences influenced them to do so. You’d have to annihilate the entire human race to really get to the root of the problem.”

She says it like she’s stating a fact, and for some reason, that hits harder than I expect.

I nod while doing my best to swallow down the anger.

“In that case, maybe I’d just go back in time to find you.” The idea of a smile forms and dissolves on my lips. “Maybe Iwouldn’t have used and abused. I laced my past with drugs and alcohol, and yet now I’ll spend the rest of my life fighting those demons. I know the statistics, Fallon. The future’s not looking so bright.”

Maybe the only reason I’m really upset is that my mother didn’t invite me to the party.

I give her hand a squeeze, and she doesn’t pull away. Instead, she falls into my lap, and the weight of her body is a comfort against the cold. Buddy darts from around the corner, and soon he’s curling up next to us like he’s part of the conversation.

“You are a balm,” I whisper as I gently brush the hair from her face. “You don’t realize how powerful you’ve been in my life. I would go back in a heartbeat and track you?—”

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