Page 54 of Crash and Burn

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I made her my ma’s spaghetti casserole. She really liked it. We talked a lot. I told her about mom and how I lived with Carter and his family. It was deep, and it was a great feeling. Then the slipper thing happened.”

I took a drink of my coffee and leaned back against the chair, letting my head fall back, and took a breath.

“I was clearing our plates and loadin’ up the dishwasher, so she got up and walked in here to the living room. When I came around the corner…it’s second nature for me to look down and I don’t know why, but I instantly saw Dev’s slippers in front of this chair and Amelia was sitting where you are, Vinny. Carter’s right. It was like my whole world shifted and there was a woman here. She was sitting where she should be, only it wasn’t Devina. It just did my head in. Amelia could see it all over my face. She tried to talk to me. I don’t even know what she asked me. I just had tunnel vision. I walked and grabbed the slippers and put them back in front of the couch. Doing that though made her jump up.” I shook my head and looked down at floor.

Cole said, “So, you basically kicked her out of Dev’s seat.” It sounded so awful.

“Don’t be a dick, Cole,” I said with a glare. My jaw was tensing up.

“Easy now. I’m not trying to be a dick, Hud. I’m just telling you what happened. You kicked her out of a spot that your wife, who’s been gone now for almost two years, used to sit in. She couldn’t have known, man.”

“I know that. You don’t think I know that? I just don’t know how to fix it.”

“What happened next, then?” Cole leaned forward to listen.

“She told me she was gonna go and catch the bus home. And…I…uh…” I stared at the ceiling and said, “...let her go.”

Before I realized what’s happening, Vinny stood and pointed at me. “You let her go?! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Hey Vinny…” Carter spoke up but didn’t move to shut him up.

Vinny didn’t let up. “Answer the question, asshole! I just wanted to make sure I heard you right. You let her go? You let her walkin the darkto thebusstopby herselfto catch a fuckin’ bus home when youknowher bastard of an ex is still out there bein’ a cock somewhere? Is that what happened?”

I said, “Fuck! I wasn’t even thinking about that piece of shit. I was so wrapped up in my own fucking head. I’m sorry. I can’t…I don’t…I don’t know what to do…” He let it go and I leaned forward with my head in my hands before the dam broke. I hadn’t cried like that since I said goodbye to Devina in the hospital. Then, I was there in front of my friend’s and just let it all go.

“… I know I fucked this up. Bad. I need…” I was trying to say it. I needed to say it out loud. “I need to let Devina go. I know I do.” I brought my hand up over my eyes, squeezing the bridge of my nose to try and stop myself from fucking crying.

Vinny calmly took a knee to the side of me, bringing his hand to my shoulder, and squeezed it. “You have to let her go bro, but you don’t have to forget her. If you want any kind of future, whether that’s with Amelia or someone else, or even just for yourself, you have to let Devina go.”

I brought my shirt up to wipe my face and shook my head. “I know. I know I do. Fuck. I can’t do this by myself though.”

Vinny stood, extending his hand to help me up. I looked around my living room, glancing at Devina’s slippers and all the photos everywhere. Carter said, “That’s why we’re here, man. Let’s go room to room. It’s time. I’m also gonna call Lex. She’s good at this shit. You need somethin’ new, man. She’ll come over, go shopping, whatever you need.” Then he hugged me.

I nodded. “I um…thanks, man…but tell Lex please, no bright shit. Idoneed something new. Preferably vintage stuff. You guys know my soul is old as fuck.” That sent a chuckle all around.

Heading to the bathroom I could hear Carter, already on the phone with Lex, giving her shopping instructions. I just kept thinking about Amelia. I missed her so bad and wanted her to be with me. I needed to fix it, and a clean slate for my house was a good first step. It was almost Christmas. I thought, if I could just get the place together, I could focus on getting her back. I needed to close a chapter before I started a new one.

Coming out of the bathroom, I looked toward the bedroom.A new bed.I needed a new bed, pillows, everything. Everything needed to change. “Hey Carter! Tell Lex I need a new bed, too. Pillows, bedding, all the shit. Everything new.”

He smiled and nodded, continuing his conversation with Lex. It was going to take some serious work. I wasn’t going to call Amelia until I was done. I wanted it to be right, and ready, and when it was…I had a lot of ass kissing to do. I’d make this right with her. I needed her. No…Iwantedher. I just hoped I wasn’t too late.

Chapter 21

Amelia

Order up!Ding!It’s been another insanely busy night at the diner. The plus side is that we’ve hired another server, Lily. She’s sweet. She’s young though, and a freshman in the local community college.

Lily had almost finished her own work and asked, “Hey Amelia, it’s busy but I have most of my section cleaned up. You need help with anything?” She’s the best. I hope we keep her for a while.

“No, babe. I’m good. Thank you. Maybe check in with Sheila.”

Lily said, “You got it,” and went to the back where Sheila was scrambling around, trying to fill all the sugar containers.

The past couple of weeks were hectic at the diner so it gave me an opportunity to pick up more shifts to keep myself busy. I was actually really fucking exhausted. Thankfully, I had the next three days off. It had been a long time since I had the weekend plus a Monday to myself. Sal basically forced me to take the time off, though. It was Donnie who finally said something about me pulling too many double shifts and well, that didn’t sit right with Sal. He was a great boss.

Lily yelled, “Hey Amelia! You have a phone call.”

That’s shocking. No one ever calls me here. “I’ll take it in the kitchen. Thanks, Lil!”

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