Page 33 of Crash and Burn

He stopped and looked up at me when he realized I’ve asked him a question. “Wow, I’m sorry. It’s delicious, Am, really. I don’t know if you could tell by the way I’m stuffing my face.”

We laughed hard. I take this light mood as an opportunity to ask him about his wife, hoping I don’t ruin the moment, but I would rather catch him when he’s in a good place versus a bad.

“So…I hope you don’t mind me asking…but um, how long were you married?”

I watched him to see how he would react. I felt like I was holding my breath. He didn’t look up, but he starts talking.Good.

“We were married nine years and together ten.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s such a long time.”

“It was. Devina was all I knew. I mean, I dated girls before her but nothing serious.”

“I get that. I don’t have a real big dating history either.”

“You want to talk about it?”

I sighed. “Not really much to tell. I dated a guy, Kevin, for two years too long.”

“Too long? Why?”

“Um…” I hesitated. Did I want to go there? He opened up to me about Devina. It was only fair. I thought,I can do this. Just tell him.

“I…”breathe, Am.

“Hey, it’s ok. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s ok. I was with Kevin for two years. It started out great. He was sweet. He was older. I had just turned twenty-one and he was thirty-two. We were together for a year and a half and then he asked me to move in with him.”

I took another sip of my wine, getting lost in the glow of the electric fireplace and continued my story. Hudson sat quietly.

“I moved in with him and was so excited. In the beginning, things were mostly good. In hindsight, I recognize things that happened before we moved in together that should’ve been a red flag.” I shook my head. “He was really sweet most of the time. I loved him. About two months after I was fully moved in is when things changed. He changed. He wanted to know my every move to the point that I stopped going out. He monitored my calls. My two best friends would call me, and it was during one conversation with him that I realized he was listening in. One of my friends had told me about something she wanted to try with her husband...sexual. It was funny and I didn’t even comment on it. Later, Kevin asked me about it and called me a slut. I was shocked. It was the first time he had called me out of my name. After that, it was trivial things. I was spending too much money at the bookstore on ‘stupid romance books’ and reading. I was still the same Amelia I always was. He knew I loved to read. That was my hobby. Movies, books, and music…those have always been my comforts.” I finished the last bit of wine in my glass and poured myself some more. It was going to get progressively more difficult to talk about this.

“We got into an argument one night about me wanting to meet a friend for coffee. I felt like he was being dramatic. When I turned to walk away, he grabbed my arm, yanking me back.” I heard Hudson shift in his seat, which made me turn to look at him. I gave him a half smile and continued.

“I told him he was hurting me and to let me go. When I yanked my arm away, I felt something pop in my shoulder. It hurt and I just wanted to get away from him. I ran downstairs to our living room. I was going to grab my book and leave. I didn’t know where I would go, but I was going to get out of there.”

My heart was beating faster the closer I got to the end of the story. I glanced at Hudson again. His eyes were pleading, and he was sitting on the edge of the couch. At some point he moved closer to me.

“...He came after me. I was standing in front of the fireplace because my books sat on a shelf mounted above it. I grabbed my favorite book and when I brought my arm back he snatched it from my hand, yelled at me that I cared more about my dumb books more than I cared about him, and that’s when he threw my book in the fire.” When I looked back at Hudson, I paused, and he spoke.

“And that’s why you don’t like fires.”

“Not exactly…”

“I don’t understand.”

“When he threw my book in the fire, I didn’t think. I panicked and reached in the fire to snatch my book out before it was ruined completely.”

“Amelia…”

“When I brought my arm back, it was severely burned. I think what made it worse was, Kevin did nothing to help me. He looked at me and said, ‘Now look what you’ve done. Clean yourself up.’ My arm was horribly burned, and he didn’t even care.” Hudson got up and walked over to my mantle, not looking at me.

“I called my mom, and she picked me up to take me to the emergency room. I had a second-degree burn. It was a deep partial thickness burn which is a bit more severe. It changed the color of my skin slightly and left a bit of scarring, but you can’t see it too much. He also dislocated my shoulder when he yanked my arm, so they had to pop it back in place.” Hudson came over to me, kneeled in front of me, and took my hand in his.

“It’s ok…” I said.

“It’s not ok. What a piece of shit.”

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