Page 30 of Crash and Burn

“I finished working about eight o’clock, I think it was, and I hadn’t eaten dinner. I didn’t even realize it. When I went to the kitchen, I opened the fridge, and couldn’t find anything, so I opened the freezer. She bought me an ice cream cake, man.”

“Sounds delicious. You’re makin’ me hungry right now. My mouth is waterin’!”

We laughed. “It was great, but I realized I didn’t even invite her in to have some of the cake she bought for me. I instantly felt like a jerk. She did this whole thing for my birthday, and I thought we should eat the cake together.”

Vinny grinned and winked, “I bet you did.”

I laughed, and said, “It’s not like that. Anyway, I forgot to get her number.”

“Alright, well I still don’t see a problem, except you bein’ a stoop for not getting her number yet but go on.”

Stoopwas fair and I laughed again. “Okay, So, I grabbed the cake and went to her apartment.”

“You don’t call first, you fuckin’ animal? You probably scared the shit outta her.”

“Ha! Ididscare the shit out of her. Don’t ask but it’s the second time I’ve done this to her.”

“What am I gonna do wit you?”

I shook my head and continued. “So, she lets me in, and she puts a single candle in the cake, turns out the light, and sings me happy birthday. It was nice. We sat in the living room, had cake, and talked.”

“What’d ya talk about?”

Vinny is always good at keeping a conversation focused. He never makes me feel bad about missing Devina so it’s easy to open up a little and talk to him. My smile faded. “I told her about Devina. I’ve been so hung up on Devina’s death, it made me really awkward around Amelia and I ended up acting like a dick, so I just wanted to come out with it and tell her that was why I felt so weird around her. It felt good to tell someone other than you guys. Now, I feel a little lighter about it all.”

“That’s good, right? Lighter is good.”

I nodded. “Lighter is good. I don’t know the last time I had so much fun like I did today. The past month or so of knowing Amelia has been awesome. Parts of me feel guilty though.”

“Guilty? For having fun?”

I nodded and eyed the floor.

He said, “Bro, Devina would want you to live life. That girl was a firecracker, and she would be so pissed if she knew how you’ve suffered all this time. She would be fucking thrilled to know you’ve had a good time for the past month and that your thirty-fifth birthday was spent laughing and enjoying the day.”

“I know you’re right. I do. Deep down, I know Dev is happy that I’m happy.”

“Tell me honestly, why the freak out?”

“We had just finished eating our cake and she was drinking coffee. I got up, grabbed our plates, and took them to the kitchen. It felt…good. It felt…normal. I told her I should take off. She got up and I naturally, without thinking, leaned in for a hug. It was a good hug. She smelled so good, and it felt good.” Vinny listened without saying anything. I couldn’t read him, so I went on.

“I closed my eyes and she hugged me back and I got this weird feeling in my stomach. I could’ve hugged her like that for a lot longer than I did. When I realized I had closed my eyes, I took a step back. I told her bye and left.”

He raised his eyebrows, but he was still silent. “I liked it, man. It felt weird to hug someone else, but it also felt good. I feel like I’m betraying Devina and that feels awful as fuck.”

Vinny raised his hand to stop me from talking. “I’m gonna stop you right there, bro. You shouldn’t feel awful for FEELING! You’ve been feeling like shit for so long. You deserve to feel good. Youdeserveto have someone embrace you. Youdeserveto have someone see you. And you’re not betraying Dev. If anything, you’re honoring her by sharing who you are with someone else. Even if Amelia is just a friend, you know I’m right. Devina would want you to feel loved.”

I put my face in my hands, with my elbows resting on my knees. Vinny got up and sat next to me. “Hudson…take it at your pace, man. But it sounds like to me, Amelia has gotten you to a place that none of us have been able to in almost two years. Thathas tomean something, right?”

I looked at him. “Yeah, it must mean something. Even if she’s just meant to be my friend, it means something.”

“No one is asking you to figure it all out on your birthday. But bro, this was one helluva birthday.” We laughed, then I nodded, and we stood up. “Thanks, Vinny.” He patted me on the back and brought me in for a hug, then headed for the door.

“Vinny. What did you call for originally?”

He looked down, unsure of himself. “Well, I called to wish you a happy birthday…”

“And…”

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