Page 31 of Elevator Pitch

Today, Dr. Garnett and I discussed my nightmares and my date with Greyson. I preferred to start with the bad and then work on the good things. I pull up recent entries from my dream log. The nightmares have been more violent lately. Jourdan has been present in them a bit more often, but usually, it’s a faceless individual trying to harm me in some capacity. Mostly chasing me down with weapons or breaking into my home. Then there’s the original one, which is back home flashbacks with my ex.

I go through my dream log with her and we try to decipher any common patterns or situations that occur. I’m not taking anysleep medications because I can sleep, but she’s going to have me do more sleep studies to see what’s needed here. I’m not getting as much sleep as I’d like, but I use that time to be productive in other areas. It helps me get a head start on a lot of projects but the issue with that is, I’m exhausted all the time.

The vivid nightmares started after I left Jourdan two years ago. They started out as flashback reels, and it was a very trying time for me. I was reliving attacks and arguments. Me waking up to him standing over me was a frequent one. I can’t figure out a way through them or to curb them.

Doc suggested we try imagery rehearsal therapy, where I explain my nightmares in extreme detail and we rewrite the story with a different ending—reframing regular nightmares into something that’s no longer scary. I’m open to trying it. We’ll start it next week, and I’ll keep updating my dream logs.

Moving on to more positive things, I finally had a pleasant date with a man I didn’t meet online. My date with Greyson was amazing, and we had the best time, not to mention that kiss. We’ve been texting since we’ve exchanged numbers, and he’s been busy these past few weekends, traveling for work.

I’ve been going on dates in the meantime, but they do not compare, I’ll say that. First, there was the married guy who said he had a roommate that was really his wife. He revealed that after several shots. Then there was another guy, and our date didn’t happen because he got arrested for DUI on the way. My most recent match insisted on a day date, brought his kid along, and didn’t give me a heads-up either. I am proud to say that I’ve been using the strike system and have left when it felt right. Sometimes, before they hit a third strike. They’ve been awful dates, but at least Greyson was a palette cleanser.

My homework for the next week is to keep logging my nightmares so that we can try out IRT therapy, keep setting boundaries, and try a new nighttime routine to compare the sleep and dreams you have with a routineandwithout.

15

when life gives you pot, make brownies

Selah

SoHo, NY | November 11, 2023

Chess,Daya, and I are currently getting a front-row seat to a baking lesson from Audrey. Baking is one of her favorite things besides planning, and anytime she can indulge, she’s more than happy to do it. Tonight, she’s assisting me with completing two tasks from my ‘Fuck It List:’Learn to BakeandMake Pot Brownies.I’ll forget everything she is teaching us right now, but I’m following along and helping with everything I can. I always have the best time in her massive kitchen, and I’m certain I’d never stop cooking if I had a kitchen like this.

She puts me on duty to melt the canna butter because I have the most patience, and after my egg incident a few months ago, she thought it was best that I don’t handle the wet ingredients. I think that’s fair. Once we’ve got everything mixed in the pan, she starts pouring a separate batch that is ‘pot-free’ in a pink pan for us to enjoy after the high sets in. That’s a good idea. How will we know the difference? This batch is salted caramel; the other is chocolate chip in a blue pan.

While they’re baking in her convection ovens, we’re keeping busy by cleaning up and talking about what we want to order in for dinner tonight. Audrey has the idea to queue our food deliveries to arrive within the next two hours. We couldn’t decide on one thing, so orders from a few of our favorite restaurants will be here shortly.

Once the brownies are done, we let them cool and prepare for the fun tonight. Chess and Daya are making mocktails, cutting up fruits, and mixing up drinks while I am deciding on a good movie lineup. I think I’ve included at least one of everyone's favorites, and before I start to overthink it, I set down the remote to go help Audrey. She’s currently making a pillow fort with little success because her playful chocolate lab, Ghost, is very interested in dismantling every part of it. He’s quickly distracted by a squeak and when we look up, it’s Chess holding one of his toys. He dashes to her and grabs it, running off to go play elsewhere, leaving us to finish the fort.

Now, we have cooled brownies cut into perfect squares. Audrey is more experienced with edibles, considering she does these with her younger brothers from time to time. She bites into hers without a care, but the rest of us look at each other nervously before taking a bite.

She draws a marijuana leaf on the lid of the pot brownie container and writes ‘safe’ on the lid with the caramel ones—keeping them accessible for us.

“Take your time, ladies. Remember, start with a small bite. Wait a while before taking another one,” Audrey advises over her shoulder as she goes to hide the leftover brownie stash safely away from her pup.

I take a small bite and close my eyes, savoring it. This is the best brownie I’ve ever had and it doesn’t taste any different than a regular one. I’m highly anticipating my next bite.

“Fuck,” Daya blurts, and a gasp from Chess follows.

I open my eyes, whipping my head between the two of them and Daya’s eyes widen. I look down at her hand and see theteeth marks in her brownie. She quickly wipes the crumbs from her mouth. Chess places her face in her hands.

“She took a big ass bite, didn’t she?” Audrey asks without turning around.

“Y-Yes,” Daya squeaks.

“What do we do?” I ask nervously.

Audrey sighs. “Just let me think for a second.”

The house is so silent you could hear a pin drop until faint squeaking from a dog toy cuts through it and we start laughing.

After we settle down, she comes back to the island and sits with us, her palm resting on her forehead, still thinking of a plan.

“Well, I’m not letting her go down by herself,” Chess states as she takes an even bigger bite.

Audrey snorts and stares at me deadpan.

“I already know you’re next up, so go ahead.” She waves her hand.

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