Page 124 of Elevator Pitch

“Okay.”

“I-I have nightmares. Vivid ones of my ex. I told you we were engaged, that I didn’t want to marry him. I was just afraid of how he’d react if I said no.”

I pause, gathering my thoughts and he rubs his thumb over my balled-up fist.

Here goes nothing.

“I haven’t said this out loud to anyone besides my therapist, but he was abusive. It was mostly emotional and verbal abuse, but he got physical sometimes. I left two years ago and never looked back. It’s made it difficult for me to imagine myself in a new relationship, especially when I’m still haunted by my past.”

Judging by his breath on my neck, I know he’s upset, but he remains silent.

“I have PTSD because of him. I know you’ve noticed I startle easily, but you never draw attention to it. And when I’m anxious you know how to soothe me. Before I called you, I saw him inmy dream. He was in my apartment. In my room. It was just a nightmare, but I didn’t want to be alone.”

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispers and presses a kiss to my shoulder. “Has he tried to contact you or come around since you left? You’d tell me if he did?”

I shake my head. “I would tell you, but he hasn’t bothered me for a long time now. Almost two years now. He isn’t coming back.”

I figure if I say that enough times out loud, it may come true.

He could evaporate from my thoughts and never bother me again.

If I could wish for anything it’d probably be that.

“Thank you for trusting me with this. Any man who puts his hands on a woman is a fucking coward and he better hope he never runs into me. I hate to hear that you’ve been battling this alone.”

I shift to face him and nestle into his chest. His pained expression softens as he wraps his arms around me.

“Thanks for being there for me. I know I broke my rule,” I admit.

He snorts, “that’s exactly what it is, a ruleyoumade and keep breaking. I never liked it to begin with.”

“And why is that?”

“I think you sleep better in my bed,” he states while pulling the covers over us.

I hum to myself.

I do.I don’t say that though.

greyson

As the morning light illuminates my room, I smile to myself as I take in every curve and edge of my little Sunflower. She slept soundly through the night, and I made sure to readjust her bonnet anytime it started to slip off. She would not have been happy if she woke up and her curls were set free. Like I said, she sleeps better in my bed. She doesn’t have to admit it when it’s aproven fact. The most beautiful woman in the world is sleeping in my bed, on my chest, safe and sound. She’s exactly where she needs to be.

I couldn’t go back to sleep after what she shared, but I’m glad she could get some rest. I’m not upset that she hadn’t felt comfortable sharing until now, I’m upset that it happened at all. The thought of that fucking guy harming her infuriates me. The fact that she’s been tormented for years makes me sick to my stomach.

When she wakes up, we’re throwing out theno sleepoversrule. It’s her choice if she wants to sleep here or not, and I’ll respect it, but the rule itself has to go. She’s always welcome here and if she ever wants me to sleep at her place, I certainly don’t mind. However, if I can make her feel safe and protected, I will.

I mean, fuck. I love Selah and she just told me what she’s afraid of. It makes sense why she is comfortable with this arrangement. She’s not stuck with me if things went sideways. Her heart is safer if we keep things the way they are, but mine isn’t. I can’t be the only one feeling a greater pull between us, but I will be the first to acknowledge it. I plan to tell her sooner than later. She doesn’t have to say it back, I’ll gladly love her until she catches up. Near or far.

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ox-eye daisy

Greyson

Manhattan, NY | April 9, 2024

I’ve officially been attendingtherapy for a month now. My friends and family are elated that I am finally talking to someone. I like my therapist, Dr. Pierson. I have virtual sessions every Tuesday on my lunch break. She’s easy to talk to and holds me accountable. Today we talked about Selah and my fears about prioritizing work over a relationship again. I really don’t believe that I can have both and whenever I am forced to choose, I always pick work.

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