Page 57 of Please Save Me

“Fine, but you’re dropping Jas and Juni off at daycare.”

That was a trade I could live with. I just hoped Lucian’s day at work would make him a little easier to deal with tonight.

Chapter 17

Lucian

I sat in the support person's chair, mere inches away from Sera, as she carefully scratched a bird into one of her friend’s skin. Originally, she’d wanted to go all out with a portrait of a sparrow. Her end goal was to specialize in black and gray photo realism like I did, but I suggested starting small. It wasn’t that I didn’t think she could do it—I’d seen the fantastic work she did on fake skin—but real skin is a little different. Besides, I knew I was in no shape to give her much guidance today.

After whatever the fuck happened last night, I woke up feeling like I was crawling out of my skin. I was drenched in sweat, nauseous to the point where every breath made me want to hurl, and my head throbbed so violently that it felt like it was going to fuckingexplode. But the worst part was the unrelenting craving for the substances I used to drown myself in. I’d sell my soul for just one pill because I knew it’d end this suffering.

Was this because I’d drank with Sophia? No, it couldn’t have been. I didn’t feel like this yesterday morning. What the fuck was going on?

“Boss, how does this look?” Sera asked. Her short pink hair brushed her neck as she looked up at me, and I fought the urge to vomit.

I forced down the bile collecting in my throat as I leaned over to examine her human canvas. “The lines look good, but the skin is starting to look pretty red. Make sure you’re not overworking it.”

Sera nodded and turned back to the tattoo. The relentless buzz of her machine filled the air, each second feeling like nails being driven into my ears. “You’re doing great,” I reminded her, placing a shaky hand on her back. “You’re still learning. There’s no need to rush.”

She nodded again, and I leaned back in my chair to focus on my breathing. Every inhale felt like I was pulling shards of glass into my lungs. I could probably make it through this if I had to. I could go home and tell everyone I wasn’t feeling well.

Mason would have no problem taking the kids; she never did. And I could just sleep this off. But that was the problem, I couldn’t go home and just sleep this off.

When I went home, I had hours of playing instruments and recording music ahead of me. Part of me wanted to tell my manager to fuck off and do it tomorrow, but Cameron was right. Mason stuck her neck out for me, and I wasn’t going to make her look like an idiot.

I still had my dealer’s number. Maybe I could just buy a pill or two—enough to get through today, and then I could deal with this tomorrow. I pulled my phone from my pocket, my hand trembling as I leafed through the contacts and found my dealer. I prepared to tap out a text message asking him to meet me behind the shop in half an hour, but Sera needed more attention.

“Lucian, I think I’m done with the line work—what do you think?” Jesus fucking Christ, how could she only think she was done with the line work? I battled with the urge to snap at her as I shoved the device back into my pocket, silently reminding myself that she was still learning. I leaned back toward her, barely looking at the tattoo.

“Looks good,” I mumbled. “Hey—Can we take ten?”

Sera looked a little surprised but nodded. “I could use a smoke break.”

Finally, some fucking relief. She started toward the back door, and I followed behind her. The chilly air hit me, and I forced myself to take a deep breath,hoping it’d settle my stomach and mind. Sera lit her cigarette and offered me one, but I shook my head.

She took a deep drag, and I watched the way the smoke curled around her fingers.

“You look likeshit,” she commented.

“I feel like shit.”

Her eyes bounced around my face as she inhaled another breath of her cigarette, making sure to blow it away from me. “You using again?”

I chewed on my lip, struggling to form words. The answer I wanted to tell her was a big, fatno. I had too much going on to relapse. I had Mason and my kids, and Rosie on the way and my fucking music career… but I also had too much going on to risknotbeing in top form.

“Is that you offering me something?”

A sly smirk curled at her lips. “Depends… Is that you asking?”

I sighed as I watched muted clouds roll by. The smoke from Sera’s cigarette matched the sky. It didn’t matter what she was about to offer me. I had no business fucking around with stuff like that right now… but I’d quit once. So, that meant that I’d be okay if it were just for one day.

“Fuck it, yeah.”

Her smirk grew to a smile as she tossed her cigarette on the ground, stomping it out with her boot before excusing herself. I leaned against the bricks behind me and closed my eyes, allowing the chill to seep into my bones and take the edge off the ache in my muscles. A few moments later, Sera returned, passing me a plastic baggie full of little white pills.

I held them up, examining them for any identifying features. Before getting clean, my drug of choice was Vicodin, but I’d experimented with just about anything I could get my hands on. Still, I didn’t recognize these.

“What are these?” I asked, keeping my voice low.

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