Page 159 of Please Save Me

She was unbelievably soft and warm. Rosie’s face scrunched before relaxing. Sothiswas the being that brought Mason and I together. I knew I wasn’t Rosie’s biological dad, but I assumed I’d be overcome with a rush of emotion when I saw her. Instead, I felt an all consuming numbness.

Maybe I just wasn’t doing this right.

“Can I hold her?” I asked.

“I’d love to say yes, but you’re in pretty bad shape,” Cameron said, his eyes scanning mine. “But, I can put her on your chest. She likes that.”

I nodded to the best of my ability and Cameron took the liberty of slipping my hospital gown down a little before removing Rosie from the blanket and placing her directly on my skin.

The fuzzy pajamas she wore rubbed across what felt like road rash, but I gritted my teeth through the pain. She nestled into me, and instinctively I patted her butt.

“Has Dale shown up at all?” It wasn’t my case anymore, but I wasn’t opposed to putting a bullet through his skull if needed.

Cameron shook his head. “Not a peep from him or anyone at the church.”

“Good,” I breathed. “How long have I been out?”

Cameron paused and I swore to God that I saw him count on his fingers. “Three days-ish. You’ve been out since Thursday night and it’s Monday morning.”

Once again, Rosemary squirmed, this time her head turning side to side. I had no idea what the absolute fuck this child was doing until her mouth started rooting along my chest.

“Cameron, get the baby.”

He snatched her off my chest. “Sorry, I was just giving her a bottle when you woke up.”

“...Formula?”

He shook his head. “Mason wanted to breastfeed so her nurses have been helping her pump.”

Cameron’s large mass folded into the chair beside my bed as he picked up a small bottle with a yellow cap. It wasn’t like any of the ones we had at the house. Cameron brought the bottle to Rosie’s lips and wiggled it back and forth, after a moment she latched on and a vigorous suckling filled the room.

I stared at the two, suddenly forgetting how to blink. “Did Rosie get to meet Mason?”

“The paramedics said they tried to hand her to Mason, but the second they did, Mason had a seizure, and her blood pressure dropped, and a whole lotta stuff I can't bring myself to listen to.” Cameron focused entirely on Rosemary as he spoke, softly bringing his lips to meet the top of her head. “And she ain’t been awake since.”

The silence that followed was oppressive, clinging to every corner of the room. Guilt nipped at my sanity, I should have done more to protect her. I should have driven slower. Maybe if I had just worn my fucking seat belt, she wouldn’t have been so stressed, and then she wouldn’t have seized.

But, Cameron wouldn’t understand if I voiced any of that. No one would. So, I focused on the next best thing.

“Can I go see Mason?”

It was hard not to take note of just how patient Cameron was being with me. With everything going on, I didn’t notice the thick white cast covering my right leg. Apparently, I’d fucked it up bad enough to need a rod put into both my femur and tibia, and while I’d be up and walking soon, I needed to see a physical therapist first. Probably something to do with crutches.

But, instead of calling me an idiot for even thinking I was fit to see Mason, Cameron found a wheelchair and did all the work of putting me into it.

The sensation of being lifted by another human was strange, butnotunwelcome. When I fully settled into the chair, Cameron handed me Rosemary, and I did my best to keep her away from my nipples as we rolled through the corridors of the hospital.

But, the ride wasn’t nearly as smooth as I had hoped. Each and every bump sent a jolt of pain through my leg, and I gritted my teeth to prevent myself from swearing in front of the infant. I kept my eyes focused forward, noticing a few sympathetic glances from passing hospital staff.

Once again, I bit my tongue. This time to stop myself from telling them to mind their own damn business. They had no idea who I was, and I most certainly didn’t need their pity.

After what felt like an hour, we reached a secluded room at what seemed to be the very edge of the hospital. Considering Mason’s status, I shouldn’t have been surprised that she wasn’t mixed in with the general population.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Cameron’s voice was gentle, but I didn’t like his question.

“Of course I’m fucking ready!” I snapped and Rosie whimpered.

I took a deep breath to quell my nerves, and Cameron was smart enough to not speak to me again.

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