Page 127 of Please Save Me

Excitement danced in Mom’s eyes as she leaned in closer to the camera. “Oh, trust me, I know! Just wait until she starts crawling. You’re just lucky you’re not having twins. Do you remember how much stuff Sophie and Luci had to cram into their small apartment?”

Sebastian fully took the phone from my hand, and I was glad he did. It was hard to be as happy as I needed to be right now.

Why did everything need to go wrong all at once?

I was one second away from excusing myself to the bathroom, not because I needed to go but because it’d give me a place to collect myself. But, beforeI could even think about moving, Sebastian draped an arm over my shoulder, gently pulling me into his side.

“I don’t, but I’m sure Sophia would help me either way… she’s very good with stuff like that.”

My mom chuckled at his comment. “I know she would, Sophie’s always been the organized one.”

Sebastian smiled before continuing a conversation I did my best to tune out. My goal in bringing Seb here was to ask him to fuck me, but now? I was too concerned with everything going on in the world around me to focus on what Ireallywanted.

Chapter 39

Sebastian

I sat in the pews of Saint Samael's, my arms closely crossed to my chest as I stared up at Dale as he lectured his entire congregation from behind his podium. Honestly, I should have been focusing on him and him alone. Reverend Cole was up to no good, that was for sure. But, he managed to leave no traces of his misdoings.

Instead of focusing on any of that, my mind lingered on Heather White. After I moved from Portland to Hartwood, she stopped texting me. It was like I dropped off the face of the earth to her. But, now, after the one video chat I shared with Sophia, she messaged me at least twice a day.

Once to sayGood Morningand once to tell me how proud she was of me. That second one caused me to pause a bit each time. Heather had been the one to raise me, and to a lesser extent Lucian, but she wasn’t my mother.

That distinct pleasure belonged to Sabrina DuBois-Castillo. But, that always seemed like a title she never cared for. One she seemed to pass on to others at any given chance. Heather, my sister Leona, even Lucian’s mother during random summer visits, all had gifted me with more maternal love than my momeverdid. But, my mother’s approval was the only one I craved.

And, for the first time in ever, I wonderedwhy.

What did I truly want from my mother? Love? Validation? Or was it something else entirely? What could Sabrina offer me that life right now didn’t? The answer to that seemed to be an easy,nothing.

I continued into my thoughts, not paying attention to anything around me until Dale’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Sebastian. It’s nice to see you. I coulda sworn you told me you weren’t religious, but this is the second week in a row I’ve seen you in my pews.” His drawl bounced off the walls of what I realized was now an empty church.

Fuck.

I cleared my throat as Dale sat down beside me. This was the first time he had been close enough for me to smell, and while he didn’t stink, the experience wasn’t pleasant. He had that almost stereotypical old man smell.

“I was raised Catholic and like routine,” I tried to explain away my consistent appearance in this hellhole.

“Is that so?” Dale’s tone seemed to be carefully measured, but the look in his eyes told me he wasn’t buying my excuse.

I forced a smile and nod.

“Well… It’s good to see you,” Dale continued. “I ran into your brother a few days ago. Such a shame he won’t be attending church anymore.”

My fingers twitched against my lap. “I wouldn’t say Lucian missing church is a shame.”

Honestly, not seeing him here had made the experience a little easier.

“I guess you’re right. He truly is a man controlled by his demons.” Dale said that matter of factly, and I expected this to turn into some spiel about me needing God, or how faith will prevent me from becoming like my brother, or whatever he needed to say to break me just enough to have me believe him. Instead, his next comment surprised me. “How’s your wife feelin’? It’s been about a week since she was in the hospital.”

I tried to keep confusion off my face. Of course Mason was of some interest to him, but seeing as he promised not to talk aboutmy wifeor my baby, I thought he’d forgetabout her.

“She’s well.” At least I thought she was. “She’s been having some pretty consistent cramping so we’re focused on getting as much ready for the baby as possible.”

The crib was ready, as was the glider. The weird silicone bottles Mason insisted on were sterilized, as was the breast pump which looked more like a torture device than a tool for helping feed a baby.

Something about a human being milking themselves didn’t sit right with me, but that was neither here nor there. And, none of that was information Dale needed.

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