It took him a moment to realize what had woken him up: the sounds of two small children whispering as they shook and felt every gift under the Christmas tree. He smiled as he stared at the ceiling and listened to them.
“Shh,” he heard Melissa instruct. Ever the careful one.
“It sounds like a new bike,” Jackie announced in what Tate knew she thought was a whisper, yet somehow carried throughout the house.
“It can't be a new bike,” Melissa said scornfully. “It's too small.”
Tate smiled at the rational, analytical one of the pair.
“Uh-uh. I've seen bikes that folded up,” Jackie insisted. “They fold so small, you can put them in your backpack.”
Tate laughed silently and sat up in bed. He supposed he'd better get out to the tree before they got carried away and unwrapped something accidentally.
As he sat on the edge of his bed, he noticed Olivia's shoes on the floor near the door. His heart clenched as he remembered the night before. Her beautiful body beneath his. Her plush lips and soft skin. The glint of tears in her eyes as they made love. The way he didn't mention them, simply kissed them away as his own heart split in two.
He knew damn well that he'd never have a night like that with her again. He knew he didn't deserve it, and more than that, he knew that she'd be better off without him. He didn't know how to be a husband. He didn't know how to be the kind of guy who came home for dinner every night. He only knew how to take care of his ranch, work at search and rescue, and be alone.
“It's just you and me, boy,” he told Lobster as he reached down and scratched behind the lab's ears. Lobster yawned in response. Yeah. It did sound sort of boring.
Tate shook off the regrets and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt to go supervise his wily daughters.
* * *
The girls and the presents and the pancakes managed to take up so much of Tate's attention that it wasn't until late morning that he found himself alone with Olivia again.
“Are you…okay?” he asked cautiously. She'd been somewhat quiet throughout the morning, but on the other hand, she didn't seem angry.
“I will be,” she told him with a smile that lacked her usual sparkle. He hated that he was the one who'd put that look in her eyes. Even if it was for the best in the long run.
“Will we talk to your parents today?” she asked, loading the last of the breakfast plates into the dishwasher. “If so, I think I should go ahead and pack up our things.” She gestured upstairs.
His heart took a hit at that. She was in a rush to leave.Move out and move on.But that was what he wanted for her. What he knew was best for all of them, so he couldn't really complain.
“Yeah. We can talk to them when we get there before everyone else arrives.”
She nodded.
“We shouldn't have…” His voice faded away. “Last night. It's made you sad,” he said quietly, watching her face.
She shook her head. “It was what I wanted. I'm fine. Really.” She pasted on a too-bright smile, and Tate felt a hundred times worse.
“Okay,” he said, nodding. “How can I help?”
“Maybe pack up the girls' gifts?”
“Sure. I can do that.”
“Great. I'll go get everything else ready.”
He watched her walk up the stairs, and inside his head, a voice that sounded an awful lot like Vince told him he was being an idiot. Told him he'd been given this chance and he was throwing it away. But another voice—the one that had followed him for years—told him that he'd never been meant for a family. That he didn't belong with anyone, that love wasn't for him. That the best he could hope for was to find contentment in being alone.
The old voice won.
* * *
Olivia smiled at Tate and his father as they set off to the front yard to let the girls try the new sleds Lucy and Thomas had bought them.
“Why don't you come on in and talk to me while I get those potatoes mashed?” Lucy said before shutting the front door.