Page 19 of Snowed in with the Rancher

“So they actually sleep in the daytime?” he asked.

She laughed, and it was as if a ray of sunshine had darted into the room.

“They don't nap every day anymore, but it's been a long couple of days. I think they're exhausted.”

“Can I get you anything?” he asked.

“Adult conversation?”

He smiled and waved her over to the sofa. She took one end and he took the other.

“So.” He studied her, marveling at how beautiful she was. It was as though his memory had become a faded photograph. The real thing was so much more vibrant. “Why don't you tell me more about the pregnancy and…I don't know…everything.”

She opened her mouth a couple of times as if she was going to begin talking, then closed it again.

“Maybe just start at the beginning?” he suggested softly.

“Okay. So, the first few weeks after my parents' funerals, I was mostly in a fog. Paperwork and lawyers, insurance claims and bankers—it seemed like it would never stop. I was so lucky my job let me have an entire month to deal with it.”

He felt a knot form in his center, unaccountably guilty at the idea that he hadn't been there to help her through it.

“I didn't understand it at the time, but I was really lucky my parents had life insurance and had left me a house that was paid for.” She gave him a wry smile. “I realized how much I was going to need those things a few weeks later when I discovered I was pregnant.”

“And what happened when you found out it was twins?”

She gave a brief burst of laughter. “I won't lie. I cried harder than at my parents' funeral. It was…” She paused. “Terrifying. I couldn't even imagine how I was supposed to do it.”

Then she got a furrow between her brows, and Tate had to control the urge to reach over and smooth it away with his fingers. He hated that she'd had to go through all that. But mostly, he was blown away by how well she seemed to have handled it.

She wiped at her eyes and sniffled. “I've never told anyone this before, but you're their father, so it seems like you should know the whole truth.”

He nodded and finally did reach out and touch her, taking her hand in his. He felt suddenly like he was part of a team, part of something bigger than himself. It was the first time he'd felt that way since they'd been on that ship together, enjoying new adventures by day, discovering each other by night.

“The first few weeks after I found out…I considered giving them up for adoption.”

His heart thumped twice, once for each child. He rubbed painfully at his chest, but he understood. How could he not?

“I talked to some agencies, and I looked at all the options.”

“But…” he interjected, because there must have been a bigbut.

“But as time went by and I adjusted to being pregnant, I also talked to people, like my parents' friends and my boss. They all had advice and ideas for how I could manage it. I was entitled to twelve weeks' maternity leave, and the life insurance covered my expenses and then some. My father's best friend who'd called me on the ship made sure everything in the house was in good shape so I wouldn't have any unexpected issues. One of my mom's friends paid for a night nurse to help with the babies for the first four weeks.”

Tate tried to take measured breaths, remembering that this was all in the past. Everything had worked out. Olivia was fine. The girls were fine. They hadn't needed him, really. They'd shown they were fine without him. If he'd been there, fumbling around and getting in the way, he might have even made things worse.

“So over those months of pregnancy, I went from being scared, and lonely, and doubting myself most of the time, to being at least somewhat confident I could manage it. It wasn't the way I'd always imagined becoming a mother, but it wasn't something that felt impossible, either.”

“You imagined it?” he asked, baffled. He'd never pictured himself as a father. It just hadn't seemed like something that was in the cards for him.

She smiled softly. “Sure, plenty of times over the years. But there was lots of stuff that was supposed to happen first.”

“Like what?”

“Meeting the perfect guy, falling in love, making a commitment, building a home together.” Her smile turned wry. “Thenbecoming a mother, once everything else was in place. Instead, I met the perfect guy and just…skipped all the rest.”

“Me?” His throat clicked dryly. “I'm not perfect. Far from it.”

She just sighed, looking a little sad. “I wasn't expecting literal perfection. I just had some hopes that you might turn out to be perfect for me…But we didn't really get the chance to find out, did we?”

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