Page 31 of Healing Her

But nothing of the sort had happened. Only passing, beseeching glances. Jen could only give so much from her end. Ashley would have had to havetried, and she just hadn’t. That hurt, so as guilty as she felt about the ghosting and avoidance, it did feel a little… deserved.

That made her feel mean. And that was why she really did have to put herself first, and in a hurry. She didn’t like the way this was all making her feel and act. Something had to change.

Security went smoothly—an absolute miracle at LAX on Christmas Day, even with Pre-Check—and she checked herphone to find her gate. “Of course it’s at the other end of the terminal,” she groaned. And the airport was packed, throngs of people swarming around her in a tidal wave of humanity. Gritting her teeth, Jen put her head down and trudged forth, speeding up a little when she realized her gate was going to close in twenty minutes.

As she approached what felt like the farthest reaches of Outer Mongolia, Jen looked up and saw a crowd at her gate, all lined up and filing into the jetway. She had undoubtedly missed her business class boarding window, it was going to be an aggravation now to wait, and then to push past whoever was in the aisle seat next to her, who had not cut their boarding so irresponsibly close.

She sighed and began to make her way towards the gate. But as she got close to the end of the line of economy passengers, there was a commotion behind her.

“Jen!”

Slowly, unable to believe her ears, Jen turned around. Her mouth immediately fell open.

Ashley, in leggings, sneakers, and a long sweatshirt. Sure, they were probably Lululemon or hell, even Saint Laurent or Chanel or someone much too fancy to be making yoga pants, but Ashley. Incasualwear. Jogging towards her with a roller suitcase in tow and a coat over her arm. With her hair in aponytail.

Jen had to process all of this before she could even get to,what the hell was Ashley doing here at the airport?

Ashley skidded—Ashley?Skidding??—to a stop before her, breath coming in gasps as she bent double. “I’ve… been… allover…”

“Oh, my God.” Jen knelt down to press a hand to Ashley’s forehead, all hurt and bewilderment burned away by the shockof everything that was happening. “What the hell are you doing? What is this? How did you evenfindme?”

It took a moment for Ashley to finally catch her breath. “I gotlucky.Knew you wouldn’t be on an early morning flight.” She kept taking long, slow breaths. “Been here two hours. Checking every gate with a flight to Minneapolis.”

“How did you even?—”

“Accidentally eavesdropped on you talking to Maria.”

“I knew it.” Jen stood up, pulling Ashley up after her, and snapped her fingers in triumph. “I knew someone was listening.”

“Can’t believe… you were almost late.” Ashley clasped her hands over her forehead and exhaled. Then she locked eyes with Jen. “Don’t go. Please.”

It was all too much. Jen grabbed her suitcase handle in one hand and Ashley’s elbow with the other. She marched over to a bank of chairs at her gate and sat Ashley down, then took the seat across from her, leaning across to take Ashley’s hands in hers. “Explain. Now.Quickly.”

“Jen, I’m so sorry,” Ashley said immediately. “Before anything else, you have to know that I am so sorry for being soshittyto you. I am…” She swallowed hard. “I know I’m kind of an emotionally stunted headcase.”

“Well, I don’t know if I’d say that exactly like that,” Jen said, but shut up when Ashley waved an impatient hand.

“I would, so I am. But the point is that I should have figured out how to handle things in a better way, a little quicker. I got caught up in how incredible everything was on my side, in how much someone was giving me for the first time in my life… and I gave nothing back.” She looked down and shook her head. “I’m sorry for that.”

“Okay.” Jen sat still and thought for a moment. “Apology accepted. Now what are you going to do?”

“Um…”

“Because I love the apology; it’s great you’re apologizing. But I need to know you understandallof what you’re apologizing for, and I really, really need to know what you plan to do about it.” She let go of Ashley’s hands and sat back, legs crossed, arms crossed over her chest. Her entire nature screamed out to give the woman a hint, but she stifled it.

If this was going to goanywhere, she couldn’t help Ashley at all.

Ashley breathed in deeply, closed her eyes, and let it out slowly. When she opened her eyes again, they were warm, loving, and the smile that spread across her face gave Jen a leap of hope. “I’m going to love you,” Ashley said, boldly and without hesitation, her eyes never wavering. “And I’m telling you right now that I sound brave, but I am scared shitless about saying this.”

“Being scared is good,” Jen replied, working to keep her voice steady. “Being brave in spite of being scared is great.”

Ashley nodded and looked down at her hands. “If you stay here—and I want you to, so much. I didn’t know what a great gift I’d gotten from the universe in you until you walked away—Jen, if you stay here, I want to give things a real chance. Wide open, known, seen, no subterfuge. I want to live, finally, and I want you to be with me while I do it.”

Jen uncrossed her arms and her legs and leaned forward again, putting a hand under Ashley’s chin so their eyes met once more. “You’re too hard to resist, and I hate and love that all at the same time. I accept. Let’s do it.”

Joy flared in Ashley’s eyes, a wildfire of happiness, and she jumped to her feet, hauling Jen up after her. She leaned down to cup Jen’s face in both hands and planted a kiss on her that nearly stole all of her breath away. Waves of overwhelming happiness, relief,completion, they all washed over and through Jen like a warm golden light.

When they finally parted, Jen was overjoyed to see how unafraid Ashley was. How soft, happy, and frankly whollyhumanshe seemed. It must have been the first time in her life she ever felt like this. Jen felt honored to have been any part of such a glorious becoming.

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