Page 68 of With a Little Luck

A smile flutters across her lips. “So you are dating, then? Officially?”

My stomach flips, thinking of Maya’s words.

I do like hanging out with you …

Really good friends …

“I don’t think anything is official,” I say, wondering if I should tell Ari about how I had a chance to kiss Maya and I didn’t take it. Maybe that’s the problem, though. Maybe if we were officially dating, I wouldn’t have panicked like I did.

“It’s pretty incredible, isn’t it?” says Ari.

I glance at her. “What is?”176

“You and Maya. You liked her forso long. And now, it’s like …” She shrugs. “You’re just … dating. Just like that.”

I laugh—a throaty, incredulous laugh.

Ari frowns at me.

“Notjust like that,” I say. “It’s terrifying. And exhausting. It’s like I’m in competition with myself. My past self. Always trying to one-up yesterday’s Jude. This date needs to be more fun. More special. More romantic. How does anyone keep up?”

Ari frowns. “Maya makes you feel that way?”

“Maya? No. I don’t know. She’s never said anything, it’s just …” I trail off. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. My feelings have been such a jumble, I’m not even sure how I’m feeling anymore—about Maya, about anything. “It’s got to start feeling normal at some point, right? Like Pru and Quint. They’re so at ease around each other. But with Maya … it’s not even like it used to be, where I would get around her and just clam up and feel like I had nothing to say and just try not to make an idiot of myself. Now it’s more like … things are starting to feel normal. Comfortable, even. But not in the way I thought they would.”

Ari is watching me, listening intently. “I’m no expert,” she says, trailing a finger around the rim of her glass, “but isn’t the whole point to just have fun and enjoy each other’s company? If you hold yourself up to these impossible standards, then it will never feel good enough, and you’ll always be worried that you’re disappointing her, and …” She frowns, looking almost pained as she continues, “I know this is a big deal and you’ve had a crush on her for ages, and I am happy for you, but … don’t think for a second that you aren’t a catch, too, okay? Any girl would be lucky to be with you. That includes Maya.”

I smile, but my heart isn’t in it, because I don’t really believe her.

“Thanks, Ari, but—”

“No,” she says, so forcefully it steals the next words from my mouth. “I’m serious, Jude. You’re …” Her shoulders jerk upward in an awkward shrug. “You’re a really great guy. You need to know that.”177

The air crystallizes around us, and I hold her gaze for a second. Five seconds. An eternity.

She looks away first, and my heart skips.

There are words she isn’t saying. I can practically see them, like a blaring neon sign over Ari’s head. I can hear them, sung to a tune that’s been playing in my head all week.

Caught up in the downpour of me loving …

“There you are.”

We both start. I didn’t hear Pru coming down the stairs, but she’s standing in the doorway looking at us with suspicion etched into her face. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I say—too loud, too fast. Even though it’s the truth.Nothingis going on. Maybe I imagined, for a second, that Ari was trying to say something … suggesting that she …

But that’s absurd.

She was just being nice, and I’m tired and confused.

“I was asking Jude about his date,” says Ari, standing and opening the dishwasher to put her glass in, because even though she’s a guest, she also sort of lives here.

“And?” says Pru. “How was it?”

“Fine,” I say. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

Pru’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh no. What happened?”

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