Page 84 of With a Little Luck

It would annoy me, except sometimes he manages to elicit a laugh from Ari, and the sound warms me to my core, which then spurs on an unexpected sourness in my mouth that might be jealousy, and that freaks the hell out of me.

I can’t be jealous of Ezra and the way he flirts shamelessly with Ari and the way she sometimes acts like she might like it.

I can’tlikeAri. She’s Pru’sbest friend. And one of mine, too, for that matter. We’ve grown so comfortable with each other that she can tease me about my mindless doodles and I can show her my comic and not want to crawl into a cave, and she can sleep on my bed and it isn’t weird. Liking her would definitely make that weird.

Oh.

And also Maya.

The girl who has consumed my thoughts since childhood, filling me with a steady spring of pathetic, romantic hope. The girl I finally have my chance with. The girl who—I realize, suddenly, I haven’t been dreaming about lately, not like I used to.

When did those daydreams stop?

I still like Maya. Knowing her better, I actually think I might like her even more now.

But what if I never actuallylikedher, like I thought I did? I was sure it was love. Pure, indisputable, all-encompassing love.

But what if I’d been in love with the idea of her? What if some part of me had actually liked that she was unattainable? Because unattainable is safe. Unattainable means I never have to do anything. I never have to try. I never have to put my heart on the line.

While falling for someone else … falling for a best friend … falling forAri… would be anything but safe.215

I need to smother these rebellious emotions and bury them where they lie.

“Um … guys?” says Maya suddenly. “Does anyone else smell smoke?”

We all tense, sniffing the air. And … yeah. That’s definitely smoke.

“Oh no,” says Ari, instantly panicked. “What do I do?”

“Panic,” says Ezra.

Ari looks at him, eyes round.

“Naw, just joking. There’s a gas station right up there. Just pull off, and I’ll check it out.”

The smell has intensified by the time we pull off the freeway and under the overhang of the fluorescent-lit gas station. As we all step out of the station wagon, I can see a waft of smoke escaping from the hood.

“It’s probably just overheated,” says EZ. “This has been a lot of driving for this old beast.”

He opens the hood. Ari, Maya, and I crowd in around him, but I’m not sure why. It’s not like we’re going to be useful here. I’m met with a sense of déjà vu, this engine every bit as foreign to me as Maya’s was, though this one boasts a lot more rust and a lot less plastic.

“Between the two of you,” says Maya, “I’m sure you can fix it. Right?”

Ezra gives her a look. “Two of us?”

“You and Jude.” She nods at me with an encouraging smile. “My car was having issues a while back, and Jude took one look at the engine and figured out the problem like that.” She snaps. “It was kind of magical.”

“Really?” Ezra drawls, giving me a skeptical look.

“I just got lucky,” I say uncomfortably, clearing my throat. “While we’re here, anyone want anything? Coffee? Snacks?”

After taking EZ’s and Ari’s requests, Maya and I head into the convenience store. I fill up four Styrofoam cups with coffee, while Maya browses the snack aisles in search of chips, gummy candies, and trail mix. I’m opening my seventh little packet of hazelnut creamer when I spy the brightly lit vending machine in the back corner. Not a vending machine for food or drinks, but one for scratch tickets.216

I know you’re supposed to be eighteen to buy scratch tickets, but …

I glance toward the cash register. The clerk is staring at her phone, not paying me any attention.

I may not be able to hand Ari the grand prize from tonight’s competition. I may not be able to fix her car.

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