Page 11 of Her Senator's Second Chance

Chapter 4

Natasha sat quietly, mulling over the words she’d just said to Adam. She wondered what he was thinking. His silence bothered her. She felt terrible for leaving him when they were younger. But maybe it was time to put the past behind her. She’d spent the last ten years wallowing in guilt over her decision. Not so much for Adam. But for the hurt she’d caused herself. She figured Adam would move on and find a wonderful woman to spend his life with. But she hadn’t been able to find anyone who came remotely close to how wonderful Adam was. And she realized that she’d made a terrible mistake by leaving him all those years ago. She’d let her fear and her grief overcome her.

If what Jenny was saying was right, that he didn’t love Darla, that meant Adam hadn’t been able to find anyone who filled his heart in the past ten years. It made her heart ache for him. For what he’d lost. Because of her. She’d ruined both their futures.

But what could he do? It didn’t sound like Adam was willing to do anything about his less than perfect relationship with Darla. If he was content with spending the rest of his life with someone who he’d chosen for his career instead of love, then how could she stop him? Who was she to stop him, anyway? She’d lost that right ten years ago when she walked out on their relationship.

And had she overcome her fear of being left, anyway? What was to prevent Adam from giving it a shot with her only to realize she wasn’t that great? He’d end up leaving her, anyway. Had anything really changed inside her in the last ten years? She wanted to hope so, but she hadn’t been in a serious enough relationship to put her fears to the test. No one had mattered as much as Adam.

Maybe she was a fool for thinking she even had a chance with him again. How could she compete with perfectly beautiful Darla? Wealthy, famous Darla. And how was Natasha supposed to support Adam in a career when she had a struggling business on the brink of collapse? Yes. She was definitely a fool. An exhausted fool. She looked around.

“I have a feeling Jenny fell asleep upstairs. So, we can either bang on the walls and wake her up, or we can try to figure out a way to sleep in here.”

“I don’t have the energy to mess with Jenny tonight.”

“You’re right. We should get some rest. Jenny’s probably passed out on my bed with my pint of Ben and Jerry’s.”

Adam stood and looked around the pantry. “Do you have anything we can use as bedding?”

“I have some tablecloths in the bottom cabinet over there,” she said, pointing to the corner of the room. “If we stack them up enough, we could make them soft enough to be tolerable.”

Adam opened the cabinet she’d indicated, and he pulled out a few stacks of tablecloths. Natasha was glad she’d gotten caught up on the laundry this last week. There would be enough for them to make two separate beds. The only problem was that there wasn’t enough floor space in the pantry for them to space out head to head. They would have to make their beds side by side, and they’d only be about an inch apart. Their night could get awkward quickly.

Natasha took half of the tablecloths and began folding them into the size and shape of a bedroll. “We will have to sleep close,” she said. “You don’t snore, do you?” she asked.

“Not that I know of,” Adam said with a chuckle.

“Good. Because I’m a light sleeper.” She looked at him with a grin. “Actually, I might be the one to wake you up. I have nightmares sometimes.” Sometimes was an understatement. She had them most nights.

Natasha laid out her bedroll and slipped inside. She was glad the light switch for the pantry was on the inside so they could turn it off for the night.

“Can you turn off the light?” she asked.

“Sure.” Adam flipped it off, immersing the room in darkness. She hoped it wouldn't be too horrible of a night. The coolness of the marble floor seeped into her, and she sighed as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

When she wokethe next morning, Adam’s arm was over her torso. She gently removed it, setting it beside his sleeping form. She remembered him calming her quietly and swiftly in the night, and the nightmares didn’t return after that.

Her joints were stiff, but she’d slept well other than that. There was something calming about sleeping next to Adam. She felt safe with him near her. Something about it broke her heart. Would she ever get to sleep next to him like this again? She usually woke a few times during the night with nightmares, but for the first time in a long time, she’d slept peacefully.

Was this peaceful feeling how she would have felt waking for the past ten years if she hadn’t given up on him? Had she spent the last ten years tossing and turning with nightmares when she could have had Adam and the peace he seemed to cast over her when she was around him instead?

Ever since her dad died, she’d fought off anxiety. The years she’d spent dating Adam in high school had been the lightest years for her anxiety. He’d been able to cast a peace over her life that no one else could seem to bring. Not even her cat, Cuddles. After she broke up with him, her anxiety had come back in full force, only worse. She hadn’t made the connection until now. She’d just spent the night locked up in a pantry with her ex-boyfriend. Her anxiety should have skyrocketed. The more she thought about it, the more she realized what he could mean for her life.

She had to tell him how she felt.

She sat up, and he rolled over to look at her. “What time is it?” he asked.

“I have no idea. My guess is around seven, judging by the amount of light coming under the door.”

Adam moved like he was trying to get up. “Do you mind if I turn on the light?”

“Adam, before you do, I have something I want to say to you.”

He stopped moving.

“I owe you a big apology. I never should have broken up with you like that. I know I really hurt you. But honestly, looking back, I see now that it was a terrible mistake. I let my fear get in the way and take control. I know you’ve moved on and you have Darla in your life, but I want to make things right between us. Can we be friends?”

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