Page 118 of Resisting the Running Back

It made me angry. It made me lonely.

He’s never given me any reason to feel that way, but not being able to share this news with him is tearing me apart. The truth is that hewon’talways be available for me. He’ll always have to put his work ahead of me.

Ahead ofus.

And that just leads me full circle back to the scary question.

How am I supposed to do this alone?

CHAPTER 53: Miller Banks

Better Off Without Me

I glance at Tanner and shake my head.

This was the exact wrong moment to pick up a call, but I’ve missed so many from her today that I don’t want her to think I’m purposely ignoring her even though that’s not the case at all.

The truth is that I’ve been working my tail off since I got here. All of us have.

The media is here this evening, and we just sat through rounds of interviews. The organization let some fans in for media day, and they were all yelling when my phone started ringing.

I duck into the tunnel since it’s quiet in there even though I’m not supposed to leave the field, and I call her back.

She doesn’t answer.

I decide to send a text message to try to clear things up.

Me:Sorry, fans were yelling when I picked up.

It shows as delivered, but I have no clue if she read it or not.

She doesn’t call me back, and I’m not sure my text was very clear—the very problem with trying to communicate over textversus on the phone. Does she know it’s media day? Does she even know what media day is?

Probably not because I haven’t taken the time to inform her. It’s like I have two different lives—the football life and the personal life, and they’re suddenly not merging together the way they should be. Maybe because Sophie has been a part of my life for so long, but she was never really a part of my football life, barring the times in high school when she was a cheerleader for our team.

But a new fear pulses in me as I think about the fact that this is really our first time away from each other since we got together, and we’re already struggling. It’s not like it’s going to get easier the more time we spend apart.

I think about my penchant for getting ahead of problems before they become issues.

I can’t help but wonder if she’s better off without me. I feel like all I’m doing is hurting her, and that’s the last thing I want to do.

I blow out a breath as I return to the seat beside my brother.

“Did you talk to her?” he asks.

I shake my head.

“Maybe tonight,” he says.

I lift a shoulder. “Yeah, maybe.”

“What’s going on, man?”

“What if she’s better off without me?” I realize this is neither the time nor the place for this conversation, but Tanner usually has a way of making me feel better.

Usually.

Today is not one of those times.

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