Page 254 of A King's Oath

“Good,” he smiled. “He knows, he is here with me. He is still mad at me. He wanted to come along to meet you but I didn’t want to burst this bubble yet.”

“When is your match? Or is it a tournament?”

“I’m not here for polo.”

She frowned, eyes still up at the ceiling — “You don’t play anymore?”

“Sparingly.”

“Why are you in Loire then?”

“I came to recover.”

Her head pushed up from the headrest and her eyes roved his face, down to his shoulders, his arms.

“What happened to you?”

“Dengue. We had an outbreak in Nawanagar. First Sharan and then me.”

“Sharan must be a young man now.”

“Young man and still the baby,” Samarth shook his head.

“Why didn’t he come?”

“His wasn’t so bad. He was back on his feet and conducting his experiments before the fourth day was up.”

“And yours?”

“One night was bad. But it passed.”

Ava sipped her wine, the conversation passing into silence.

“I dreamt of you,” he confessed. She glanced at him.

“In my fever-induced delirium. You were a mix of all the Avas I had known. Fairy-faced from school with your impish smiles, wearing your pink saree like Raje, going into Cherry’s stall. I pleaded to you to stop, kept screaming, but you wouldn’t. My muscles were so weak I couldn’t move to get to you. I tried, I think I fought physically in Rajmata’s lap but I am not too sure…”

“The whacko was there?” Ava scoffed.

“She was the one who brought me back from that dream.”

Ava’s scoff dropped hearing his solemn words. Samarth reached up and cupped her jaw, stroking his thumb across the base of her cheek. “I have spent eight years in your thoughts. My first waking thought, my first song of the day, my first dread the moment I crossed paths with somebody we both knew and the conversation led remotely close to you. I ran scared of playing polo abroad. I did not want to know that you have a life of your own. I did not want to be compelled to stop thinking about you.”

She swallowed. “I had a living, breathing part of you.”

“And you raised it to be such a glory,” Samarth sat up, holding her face between both his hands. Her forehead fell on his and he breathed with her.

“Mummy gave me an option, to let it go. She told me it was a baby but choosing practicality was alright. She said I wasn’t committing a sin by letting it go and choosing myself. She gave me the decision and took away the guilt. But even when the guilt was gone, there was no life in which I wouldn’t choose her. I didn’t know her then but there was no way I wouldn’t…” her voice broke. Samarth pressed his mouth to her forehead, pulling her face closer to his.

“You weren’t there, I couldn’t say anything and they had to accept a baby whose father was a question mark to them. They had to brave the storms with Kaka Maharaj for me. I was so guilty for what I was causing but I couldn’t give it up. Maybe I became selfish…”

“You were the king and the commander and the vizier but even greater than that,” he cut her off. “You turned out to be the queen, Raje.”

Her face rose to his and her eyes were red, teary.

“If you say you were selfish then the world will have to change the definition of selfish.”

Her lashes blinked, coming back up wet and clustered. He stroked his knuckles down the corner of her eye.

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