Page 106 of Made in Mumbai

“Think logically. She is small, you cannot transport her everywhere. Just stay here.”

Before she could argue, he was walking out of the house, in his old tracks with MM’s spit on them and his mother’s letter in his hand.

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His bungalow by the sea was under renovation. He had been delaying the work himself in the last few months, ordering new additions. Gautam didn’t even veer to check those, dismissing the workers as soon as he entered.

He went around the house, not even noticing the interior, nor checking if the courtyard’s changes had been implemented, or if the locks had been installed. He walked around aimlessly, from garden to courtyard, house to outhouse, room to room. Daylight soaked into the house, but it didn’t create the kind of magic it did in his flat, where she was. Where MM was.

His phone buzzed.

He frantically pulled it out, scared it was MM. His chest relaxed. It was his interior designer.

“Yes.”

“Hello, Mr. Kumar? I just got an update that you stopped work for today. Sir, if we keep delaying like this we won’t be able to deliver on time. The deadlines have already been pushed after your latest changes…”

“It’s ok.”

“That would mean the budget would…”

“That’s fine. Thank you.”

He ended the call and threw his mobile in a fit of rage.B******d!What was his mother trying to do to him from the other side?! Why was he still so rattled by her?B******d. B*********d!

Gautam scratched the letter out of his pocket and thumped down on the grass in his courtyard, opening the paper again and reading. He kept reading it, again and again, his eyes tearing up as those words did even more damage.

Your life was wasted and you wasted mine

You will go through my pain

Live and die alone there like me

There’s still no food here for you if you come

He cried, for the mother who had died, who oncehadfed him. He cried for himself, for that little boy who had not wanted to leave her but had known a better life awaited in going away, in moving on, in fending for himself. How could a mother be like this? How could she do this? In life and in death? How could she be so cruel?

Gautam cried, bracing his palms on the grassy ground and letting all of his chest spill. He hadn’t cried since he was twelve. He hadn’t cried when he didn’t have food to eat. He hadn’t cried when his masters had beat him up and thrown him out of their mansion. He hadn’t cried when his mother had refused to give him food. He hadn’t cried when he was on the verge of losing all his savings at the mill. He hadn’t cried when a 19 year old Maya had thrashed him with her cruel words. He hadn’t cried like this and now he couldn’t stop.B******d.

He punched the ground, again and again, until his knuckles were angry and bruised, until he couldn’t feel them, until he had no more tears left in him. He trudged to the verandah running around the courtyard on all sides, then collapsed there, feeling his eyes fall close. Nothing flashed in front of his eyes. It was peace. He went to sleep.

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MM was crying. Gautam blindly tried to reach for her cot.There!He began to rock the bar of her cot in his grip — “Shhh… MM, shh…”

The bar pricked his palm. And he came awake. Gautam blinked, looking around himself, placing his surroundings. He was lying on his back, on the cold marble floor of his new house’s verandah, the morning chill seeping into his bones. Waves of the sea crashed somewhere in the distance and he could hear some early morning traffic.

Gautam pulled his hand back and realised he had caught onto the prickly stem of a succulent planted beside one of the arched pillars. His palms had tiny pricks, some bleeding. He began to suck them, making a mental note to have all of these removed. MM couldn’t grow up crawling and walking around here with this hazard.

His mind whirred to a halt.MM. M.The letter. The meltdown. The breakup.No!His lack of sleep of the last few months with that letter had destroyed everything! How could he have let M believe they were breaking up? No, wait, he had let her believe they weren’t in a relationship to begin with! How was that even possible? They were a couple, and new parents for all intents and purposes.

Gautam immediately got to his feet, his joints groaning after more than 15 hours of sleep on the floor. He had spoiled his body by sleeping on fancy mattresses and exorbitant thread count sheets. It was punishing him now. He glanced around.

The letter was floating around his garden, borne on the wind. He grabbed it, tore it without reading it again and found the nearest worker’s bin to dispose of it. This was his past, he had mourned it. It didn’t define him, neither could it hold him back. He had repented enough in this life for his mother’s weaknesses. Not anymore.

He wiped his bloodied palms on the back of his tracks and made a dash for his home. The real one, where M and MM lived.

20. Hothon Se Chhu Lo Tum, Mera Geet Amar Kar Do

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