Page 30 of Dissent

“Listen, it was nothing against you, and it wasn’t meant to hurt you—”

“Oh just shut up!” It was really burning within me now. The fire was growing inside, and I felt myself wanting to flee, to run away and never deal with any of this shit ever again. But where would I go? I had nothing. I had no one.

“Mara…”

“Just leave me alone,” I waved him off as I turned away, marching on. But he grasped my arm and pulled me back. Before I knew what I was doing, I slapped him. My hand hit his face hard, and the delicioussmackingsound was incredibly satisfying. He let me go as his hand shot up to cup his cheek.

“You just don’t get it, do you?” I yelled at him. “My whole life has been nothing but a giant disappointment for all the people in it! There were two people in my life, Matias, onlytwothat made me feel like I was worth anything. Like I wasworthsomething. Like I could be happy one day. And Chase was one of them. Then he died, at the hands of my father no less! How do you think that makes me feel? Huh? How do you thinkIfeel right now learning that the person I felt so connected with, that the person I felt was the only thing worth living for, didn’t really like me at all! I was just a pawn in this stupid, crazy chess game everyone’s playing. And here’s the craziest part…everyone is playing it except forme.I want nothing to do with it! And yet, here Iam, still playing the damn game.”

I felt the heat grow within me. My body was shaking, and it was taking everything within me to keep from shoving Matias, from hitting him again. “I havenowhereto go! My father—my owndad—wants me DEAD. My stepmother wants me DEAD. And knowing my freaking luck, my brother will probably be the one to pull the damn trigger! I’m pretty sure that everyone in thisstupidcamp hates me! And the worst part is, allIwant to do is run away, to go as far away as I can. And I can’t even do that because I don’t even know wherehereis! I mean, look at thisfreakingplace.” My arms flew open as I motioned around me.

“This is a crazy maze. There’s water out here! There’s water in what I thought was nothing but a wasteland! Don’t you get it? Everything I thought was true is a giant lie! The only thing I thought wasreal, that I thought was firm and steady, that I thought would keep mesafe, was Chase. And now, that’s not even true anymore either, is it?” The words fell out of me, and suddenly I felt tired.

The anger fizzled out as I sighed deeply, looking at the ground and feeling deflated. Silence fell between us, and after a few seconds, I let out another defeated sigh. “I don’t even know what the truth is anymore. The only thing I know is Ihateeverything. Ihateall of it.” I rubbed my eyes, feeling the gentle pressure of my fingertips against them. Taking a shaky breath, I mumbled, “I was better off in the fucking basement.”

He stood quietly for a few moments. Maybe he was processing what I said, or maybe he was giving me a moment in case I wasn’t finished, but he stayed quiet and just looked at me. There was tenderness in his eyes, not quite pity, but a softness that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

The silence stretched for a few seconds before I couldn’t stand it anymore. “So, where do we go from here?” I really didn’t know what I was asking him. Maybe I wanted to know where to turn on the road to get back to camp. Or perhaps I wanted to know what I should do next. Whatever it was I meant, I wasn’t expecting the response he gave me. His eyes remained soft as he rubbed his lips together.

“Well, for starters, you can start learning that we aren’t your enemy. We’re not here to hurt you, Mara, andwedon’t want you dead. If that were the case, we would have done it by now, or we would have let Raúl do it. Butwe’renot your enemy. Now, I don’t know what you mean by ‘the basement,’ but what Icantell you is that you’re safe with us. And, I may not know a lot about what it was like to live in Telvia, but I know Sasha, and I know this camp, and I know what the Dissenters are all about. You might not feel you’re worth anything, but youare. Everyone here is valuable. Everyone here is worthy. And you’re no different.”

I pawed my foot on the ground, shuffling the dirt, letting his words sink in. “My brother told me something like that before. He said I had to believe in myself.”

He smirked, “I might not agree with your brother’s politics, but he doesn’t sound like a complete idiot at least.”

I didn’t want to, but a chuckle escaped me. We stood quietly for a moment as I breathed deeply, trying to process everything I had learned. It was a lot. But I had to get through this. If not for me, for Jacob. Because what I did had a direct impact on him now, even if he didn’t know it. I rubbed my eyes and sighed heavily. There was still one question burning within me. “Matias, why was I Chase’s mission?”

He searched my eyes, brows knitted together. “I don’t know. All I know is you’remymission now.” His words lingered, hanging in the air for a moment, and then the smile returned to his lips. A grin that I was ever so slowly growing to like. He reached his hand out to me. “Ready to go back to camp?”

I stared at his outstretched hand and calculated what it meant to accept it. Did it mean I was accepting the offer to become a Dissenter? Was I renouncing my parentage, my dad and my brother, for these strangers? Where would taking this step lead me?

As if sensing my hesitation, Matias wiggled his fingers gently, encouraging me to accept his offer. “There’s nothing left for you back there, Mara. You’re a Dissenter now.”

His words struck me, and the look in his eyes drew me in. I reached out my hand and accepted his invitation.

14: The Cafeteria

Thatnight,Isleptuncomfortably. I tossed and turned, feeling myself riddled with thoughts. Chase had a brother. And not just any brother, but anidenticaltwin! Seeing Wes was like seeing Chase again, and it caused my heart to ache. I missed him so much. And the questions…I hadso manyquestions.

I awoke frequently in the night from nightmares, noises coming from outside my tent, and the stiffness of my cot. It all just amounted to a restlessness I couldn’t ease. At some point, I finally fell into a deep sleep, but it was cut too short.

“Wake up, sunshine!” The voice was anything but pleasant. Instead, it was mocking with a hint of irritability. My eyes shot open as I nearly fell out of my cot. Blurry-eyed, I scanned around to find Chelsea with her arms crossed and one hip cocked out as she waited impatiently. “Let’sgo,Mara. Time to get up. I’ve got a lot to do and I can’t get started without you, so move it!” She leaned forward and stripped off my covers.

“Hey!” I protested as I sat up to grab my sheets, but missed.

“Get UP! We’re going out.” She turned and grabbed a stack of clothes from the chair in my room and threw them at me. “That’s your cadet uniform. Get changed.”

I was annoyed, but my curiosity was far greater. I grabbed the clothes and began undressing. “Out?” I pulled the olive-green shirt over my head, trying to be cautious of my bandages. “Where?”

“We’re grabbing food, and then I’m taking you to the training center.”

I scooted off the cot and began working with my pants. “What’s the training center?”

“Never mind that, just hurry up.” She slipped her hand into the pocket of her cargo pants and pulled out a mini-tab. “Here,” she tossed it to me. “That’s your new tab.”

“New one?” I inspected it. “Why do I need a new one? What’s wrong with my old one?”

“We destroyed it. The Telvian tabs have tracking systems on them. This one’s clean of that crap, and it’s been updated with a contact list. You’ll be able to text anyone in camp.”

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