Page 103 of The Fire Beneath the Frost

When our lips finally broke apart, it wasn’t relief that filled me.It was a knot rising in my throat so fast, so tight, I thought it would choke me.I pressed my forehead to his and whispered, “I love you, Dimitri.More than anything else in the world.I’ll do anything for you.”

His eyes flickered.Confusion first, and then worry, like he’d caught something in my tone I hadn’t meant to give away.

“Are you okay?”he asked.

“It’s okay, Dimi,” I said, softer now.“It’s just you and me tonight.No one will interrupt us.”

He bit his lower lip and nodded, the smallest, most cautious movement, then I helped him undress slowly, reverently, like unwrapping something sacred.Not just because I wanted him, but because I needed to memorize him.Every inch.Every scar and bruise.Every sharp breath he took when I touched him like no one else ever had.

I didn’t want to rush.I wanted to make love to him like it meant something.Like it was more than hunger.More than an ache.

It was our goodbye, and he didn’t even know it.

When I laid him on the bed, his hands were shaking.I kissed his palm.His wrist.The inside of his arm where I could feel his pulse hammering.My heart echoed it, frantic, wild.

He looked at me like I was the only real thing in the room.

“Petyr,” he whispered, like a prayer.

I didn’t answer with words.I didn’t trust my voice to hold steady.Instead, I slid down beside him, my body molding to his, every inch of him warm and open beneath me.I moved with slow care, kissing him until his lips parted again, and then I kissed his throat, his collarbone, the curve of his shoulder.

His breath hitched every time I whispered his name between kisses, and the sound of it, his soft, broken little gasps, punched something loose in my chest.

It felt like holding a glass I knew would break.Like trying to cradle sunlight before it slipped through my fingers.

We moved together, and he let me guide him, let me give him everything I had.Every thrust, every gasp, every moan, it all felt unbearably tender.Like I wasn’t just touching him, I was giving myself over to him.One heartbeat at a time.

And all the while, I kept thinking: remember this.It’s all I’ll have of Dimitri for the rest of my life.

* * *

I had Dimitri wrapped up in my arms, my chest to his back, the rhythm of our breathing finally settling into something slow and quiet.His skin was still warm from everything we’d just shared, and I couldn’t stop pressing kisses to the back of his neck.Soft ones, reverent ones, like I was sealing something there.A blessing, and a goodbye.

His hair was damp, curling slightly where it met the nape of his neck.I nuzzled it, held him a little tighter, and whispered the words before I lost my nerve.

“Dimitri...I know a way to get you out of here.”

He gave a puzzled little laug.“What?You mean...my apartment?Away from my family?”

I sighed into his shoulder, the weight of it so heavy it nearly crushed me.

“No,” I said, barely more than a breath.“I mean out of Russia.So you can be free.”

His body went still.Completely, utterly still.Even his breath caught.

“What?”he murmured, the word brittle.“I don’t...I don’t understand.”

He turned over slowly in my arms, shifting until we were face to face.His brow furrowed, and his eyes searched mine like he was trying to read an unfamiliar language carved into my skin.

Then, gently, his hand reached up and brushed beneath my eye.

“You’re crying,” he murmured.“Why are you crying?”

I tried to smile.I even managed it, though it felt like glass cracking behind my teeth.

“Dimitri,” I said, and every syllable shook, “early Saturday morning, there’s a boat that will take you...”

I hesitated.The lie was too big.Too sharp.I could barely force it past my tongue.

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