Page 53 of The Bad Boy Rule

I don’t stop until I make it back to the playroom, and only then do I let out the exhale I’ve been holding, giving myself a single moment to feel… all of it.

It’s a conundrum. The biggest part of me wants nothing more than to piss off my parents, to show them that I’m going to be my own person, control my own life, no matter the cost. Somewhere along the way, I lost pieces of myself, and now it’s up to me to find them. To put them back together. No one is going to do that for me.

And then there’s the other part of me that still hates to feel the weight of my parents’ disappointment, to be the one causing the disconnect in our family. I hate that I’m not acting like the perfect daughter, doing exactly as I’m told, just as I always have.

It’s like all of it is just ingrained in my head, and I can’t just stop overnight.

Even though I wish I could. Just not care. Live my life without worrying about anything other than howIfeel.

Standing at the arched window outside of the playroom, I see Saint and Decker exactly where I left them. I’m not sure what I thought I’d come back to, maybe Saint teaching him how to play beer pong with cups from the pretend kitchen, but my heart does a weird stutter when I see them.

They’re still coloring superheroes together. A blue crayon that is comically tiny in Saint’s large hand moves across the paper, and Decker’s genuine smile is wide and infectious as he watches him.

I feel like I’m watching something private that I shouldn’t be seeing, a side of Saint that I honestly wasn’t even sure existed until now.

Decker says something, looking up at him with a sweet smile, and Saint nods, a smile of his own spreading his too-handsome face.

It hits me that I’ve never seen a real smile from him, not like this. I’ve seen him with shit-eating smirks, cocky grins, crooked smiles after he says something that makes my cheeks feel like they’re on fire. But this smile… God, it’s blinding, lighting up the room, and I’m transfixed. I can’t stop staring. I don’t want to take my eyes off him for even a second for fear that I’ll miss it.

He nods to whatever Decker asked him, and then suddenly, Decker’s tiny little arms fly around him, squeezing him tightly in a hug that makes my chest physically ache.

For a second, Saint is completely frozen.

But then… slowly, he angles his tall, broad body and wraps his arm carefully around Decker, hugging him back. I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows, clearly caught off guard.

Probably by the same emotions that I am, and I’m only watching it unfold.

Saint Devereaux, the guy who’s closed off, emotionless, who makes it a sport to show the world just how much of an asshole he can be, who runs from anything that gets too close. The guy who has made me question everything about him since the moment I met him. I’ve wondered time and time again if a heart truly lived beneath his ribs at all.

Now I know it’s there, quietly beating, hidden away behind a fortress of impenetrable walls built not to shut the world out but to guard the most vulnerable part of him.

TWENTY-SIX

SAINT

“For someone who hates kids, you did great with Decker,” Lennon murmurs softly from beside me as we walk on the hospital sidewalk toward the parking garage. When she came back into the room after talking to her parents, she was quieter, not as mouthy as she usually is, and I almost asked her if something happened, but I reminded myself that even if it did, it’s not my business.

And I don’t care.

I’m aware that one of those is a lie, but still, I keep my questions to myself. I’ve got enough shit going on in my life to start caring about someone who’s only supposed to be a means to an end.

My shoulder lifts in a shrug. “He’s not so bad. Although he asked me at least twenty questions every five minutes, it was still… fine.”

Her lip curves. “Yeah, he’s a really great kid. He’s positive and uplifting even when the world has never really given him a reason to be.”

“You volunteer here a lot? Is that how you got so close to him?”

Lennon nods, rolling her lips together. “I’ve been volunteering here since I was a sophomore in high school. I met Decker when he was about two? I think. Both of his parents work two jobs, so it’s sometimes hard for them to be here when he’s here. I try to come at least once, usually twice a month. At first, it was because I needed volunteer hours for the Social Club, but I quickly realized that I loved being here, so even without needing more hours, I come. I come because I love the kids. I love seeing them smile and laugh. It makes me happy to know that even if for just a few minutes, they’re getting a reprieve from the heaviness in their lives.”

It seems genuine, what she’s saying. Even I can tell she cares about Decker just witnessing them together.

“Veryadmirable of you, Golden Girl.”

Her eyes roll. “Guess that makesyouadmirable too, then, since you willingly spent your Saturday here.”

“Woah, woah, chill.” I lift my hands, palm up. “Don’t be saying that shit. This was a one-off thing. Part of our arrangement. That’s it.”

“Mhmm,” she hums with a knowing smirk. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.”

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