Page 119 of Kissing the Villain

“You don’t have a choice,” I reminded her.

“You’re the one who doesn’t have a choice. I can walk away.”

“No, you can’t.” I reached for her hand, and she pushed me away. “You’re mine, baby girl. Forever and always. What binds us will destroy us.”

Alex bit the inside of her cheek, looking over my shoulder at the patio. “Not anymore. Those words mean nothing to me now.”

My teeth hurt from clenching my jaw. And when our eyes met, she looked at me with pure hatred. Like she wished she had killed me last year. The pain of losing her was unbearable. Especially when I was losing her to my flesh and blood. To Marcello… and the Knights.

She would see they weren’t as sick and fucked up as me. Someone like Sonny or even Drake could give her everything without baggage attached. They could make her happy.

“You want Marcello,” I said, even though I knew the answer.

“This isn’t about choosing between you and Marcello. I’ve been through a lot in the past year. Give me some space.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “Please. When you’re around, I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“And when you’re with Marcello, how do you feel?”

I didn’t want the truth. So why did I bother to ask?

Because you need the pain.

She glanced over at Marcello, and then her eyes landed on me. “Like I can be myself. He doesn’t make me feel crazy. It’s as easy as breathing when I’m with him.”

“And how do you feel with me?”

I was such a masochist for asking.

“Like you’re holding my head underwater. I can’t think straight when we’re together.”

I rose from the floor, needing to get the fuck away from her.

She grabbed my wrist and pulled my gaze back to her. “Let me finish.”

“Go ahead. Tell me how much you hate me.”

“When I’m with you, I feel like I’m losing control. Like I’m standing at the cliff’s edge with you, seconds from falling off. You make my skin burn, my insides melt. It’s intoxicating and suffocating. So when I say I can’t breathe, youaremy air. My oxygen. Sometimes, I don’t realize how lost I am until I see you. Look into your eyes. Feel your body against mine. And the world disappears because it’s you and me and that cliff and that kiss and…” Tears streamed down her cheeks by the time she finished her spiel. “But I still need space, okay? Can you give me that?”

She loves me.

When she was younger, she wore her emotions on her sleeve. It was so obvious she had fallen in love with me. And yet, I couldn’t comprehend the word. It felt so foreign and strange. It was one of many reasons I pushed her away. What did love even mean? I hadn’t felt love since my mother.

“I will give you space, but tell me one thing. Do you have feelings for Marcello?”

She dug her teeth into her bottom lip, then nodded.

“Do you love him?”

Alex stared through me like she couldn’t see me, and the silence wrapped around us like a blanket.

“Do you?” I repeated.

Alex sighed. “I care about him.”

She had never told me she loved me. We’d never gotten to that stage in our relationship to profess our feelings.

“Does it bother you that much?” Alex asked.

“Yes.”

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