Page 6 of Speak

“You’re already so tough, Ray.”

“Ah?”Axel?I call out, but the gag in my mouth doesn’t let me.

Nothing. He doesn’t respond.

________

Metallica’s Enter Sandman was my favorite thing to play on the cello. Any old heavy metal, actually. It made it more haunting…. More… soul-racking.Yeah… like that. It’s so soft and heavy. The melody plays outside of my cage. So beautiful and haunting.

I open my eyes, in the darkness, the only light peeking through is through the small open slits. “Ahh!” I throw my head forward, forgetting the leash around my neck and it cuts off my scream and throw my head back, making the ache in my head worse. It doesn’t matter. Alex is playing too loudly anyway; he wouldn’t hear me.

I cry.

It hurts. Everywhere. Everything. My head. My leg. My side. My wrists. I’m still bleeding but not as much.

I cry harder, throat rasping when I realize my panties are wet. I wince, grossed out I’ve pissed myself while unconscious.That’s okay. It’ll be okay. You didn’t shit yourself yet, Ray. If it’s Lex that finds you like this, it’ll be okay. He won’t let anyone see you like this. Okay, think. It’s daytime. He said he’d be back in the morning if it stormed. That means it’s… Saturday? You’ve gone almost twenty-four hours without drinking anything. Your last drink was that bottle of water at nine right before the game ended. But you’ve pissed yourself and you can’t stop crying. By default, you can go another forty hours here.

My stomach grumbles.

The music is so lovely.Go to sleep, Ray. You can’t be hungry if you’re asleep.

Stay awake. I have to stay awake.

But it’s so much warmer when we sleep.

Okay, but… but just for a little bit, okay?

Okay.

I fall asleep to Lex’s broken hand rendition of Max Richter’s The Departure.

______

When I was twelve, I wasn’t allowed to go to my dad’s funeral alone. A month later, Ax and John surprised me with adoption papers.Mom’s eyes were filled with happy tears.“I’m not saying you have to call me daddy, I’m not trying to replace your father, Raven, I’m just saying, if you ever want to call me dad, it would be my honor.”

“Mjm?” I’m sure I said “John.”

Debussyanswers me instead. I blink awake as the melody sends chills down my spine.

It’s… Sunday. Maybe. I tap on the locker and the song switches to the Smashing Pumpkin’s 1979. I grin. Maybe if I tap again, the song will change again. Like a fucked-up iPod. Just one last song before I go. One last song to take with me.

The last of my tears slip free as ITaptaptaptaptaptap.

The song stops.

Taptaptap.

Some Sleep Token, please Maestro Lex.

Nothing.

Taptaptap… tap.

“That noise coming from?”

My heart leaps.

Taptaptap Taptaptaptaptaptap.

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