Page 46 of Speak

Casa de CuervosorHouse of Ravensismylake house. A small, four-bedroom, five- bathroom home, that's about twenty-five minutes away from here, on an acre in a secluded, heavily wooded area. The trees were so old it was illegal to cut them down. I didn’t want to. They were huge and spooky and all the things that were beautiful in the world. The lake house was my first realty purchase when I turned eighteen. The renovations took forever and I had never gotten a chance to use it except for when I purchased all the furniture and necessities inside.

My main focus in the home was the basement. Half of it was a soundproof room so I could play and record myself. The other half was what could only be described as my personal retro-styled library. I’d had it renovated, painted a sage green, lined with shelves from top to bottom painted gold, oversized comfy couches, a small fireplace, a coffee and tea bar, a hanging reading chair and lamp. It was utter perfection when it was completed.

It was going to be my home away from here on the weekends to play as loudly as I wanted. Except then, thanks to Lex, the custodian that found me, I found the pond. I’d take my cello out there and play until my fingers hurt and my arms ached. There was something so peaceful about playing in an open field with open air and no one around, my only audience were fishes and crickets.

I nod at my little brother. Fifteen minutes later, we’re on the road in Axel's new matte charcoal grey Range Rover headed to the outskirts of town.

We arrive, and I put the code to the old iron gate in. The house was lit on the inside, and on the outside, it was even more perfect than I remembered. Vines grew up the sides of the log-style home to make it look like an ostentatious gothic cabin. Black roof, black shutters, dark wine-colored door, a cobblestone path lit by solar pathway lights leading up to the front of the wrap around porch. She was perfect then, and even more so now. A haven.

Again, to unlock the front door, I type in a code, and as soon as we’re inside, I set the alarm and we tour the place as if it’s our first time inside. Not one thing is out of place.

I go to the living area and turn on the game. I won’t miss it. No matter how angry Jonas is with me, I can still do this. As much as it hurts, I can still watch him play.

“Maria left us chicken enchiladas if you’re hungry.”

I’m not.

“Sis, please. You have to eat. If you eat I’ll give you your surprise.”

I eat one.

The surprise is the Range Rover.

I vomit the enchilada later, take a pill and when the storm rolls in, thanks to hurricane season, I climb into bed with Axel. He turns on his bathroom light, and I slowly drift off while facing him, his hand on the dip of my waist, as he tells me about all of his adventures in Connecticut, interrupting himself once to tell me we should put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceilings like we had when we were kids.

I am so lucky. So lucky to have Axel in my life.

In the morning, I order thousands of glow-in-the-dark stars and leave a note for Maria, who comes on Mondays and Fridays, to pull them inside, and that I’ll be back on Friday evening to put them all up.

I drive him home to Hartford on Sunday morning and he introduces me to his friends. All men of caliber and futures planned out for them. Like Chase. I’ve never been so unattracted to a group of men in my life.

“Before you go,” Axel opens the door to the driver’s side of the Range Rover. “I tried to make an appointment for you with Doc.”

My eyes widen.

He puts his hand up. “I said I tried. He’s no longer at Lorne Wood. And there’s no forwarding number or address to the practice he told them he’d be at. They said Boston. But I can’t find him.”

Of course not, he’s at Rayne-Moore. I want to say.

“Just please promise me, that you’ll eat and drink water. You… you look so sick, Cookie. I don’t know what to do and if I’m worried about you, I won’t be able to concentrate here.”

I give him a kiss on the cheek and he pulls me in for a fierce hug that feels better than anything I could ever want. It’s full of love and tenderness… it’s more than I deserve and tears prick my eyes but I don’t let them fall.

By the time I’m pulling up to town outside of campus, I’m feeling somewhat better. Until I’m at a red light and see the trio stumbling out of a pub with girls under their arms. Chase immediately recognizes me as I recognize the blonde from Harrington’s class right before Jonas pushes her against the window of the pub and kisses her like he did me.

Chase grins wickedly my way.

_______

Monday morning I’m in my usual seat in the library, going over my notes for Music Theory when Chase slumps into the chair beside me, not across from me. “Have a good weekend, Spooks?”

I start packing my things and he grips my hand, the one Jonas threw back, and since the swelling hasn’t gone down, I’m sure it’s broken. The pain radiates but I show no signs of weakness.

“We had agreatweekend. We won Friday. Partied on Saturday and then we fucked Cecilia Wells on Sunday.Togetherafter we did a few rails off her ass.”

My heart sinks. That pain is harder to hide.

Chase makes a pouty face. “Awww, don’t worrySpooks. I left them in bed together this morning after I fucked her ass, she started blowing him while he was still sleeping. He’s had blue balls for such a long time. You know… since he said you wouldn’t give it up.” He chuckles. “I have to know, what makes your pussy so special? Is it gilded? Nah, I felt it against me. Soft and tender. He wasn’t good enough for you, was he?”

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