Page 3 of Speak

Me. I would. It’s the most pretentious fucking thing ever. A big, ostentatious, flashing of money Sofia and John get to do for any little thing they can. Birthdays, holidays, Mother and Father’s Day, their anniversary… it’s all a big fucking show and I seem to be the only one that hates it.

When I was turning sixteen and I just wanted to have a sleepover, something small with friends, Sofia and John had scoffed at me, said they’d already booked Justin Bieber for the event. I didn’t even like him. Fall Out Boy or Good Charlotte would have been way cooler. But I understood I was different from my teen-pop friends inthat regard. I could appreciate pop music; an artist is an artist and music is music. But there was something about actual instruments that consumed my soul, even as a kid.

“Okay. Good night.” He pecks my cheek and goes to the blonde that’s waiting for him. I check her out a little. She looks familiar. She’s older, maybe a senior, but she’s cute.Good job, kiddo.I think, smirking because I know if he heard me, he’d be scowling. I’m a month older and he also hated that as kids.

“We’re the same age, Ray.”

“For a whole month we’re not, and as your big sister-“

“STEP.”

“As your big stepsister, you have to give me a bite of your chocolate chip cookie. It’s the rules.”

“Galvina made these just for me, because I’m sick.” He sniffles.

“I bet they’re store bought.”

He coughs. “No way.”

“Prove it and give me a bite.”

“Raaayyyy.” He whined. I made big eyes at him; the ones he could never refuse and handed me the cookie. “Fine.”

I ate the whole thing and then cackled as he chased me out into the snowy yard. We both got pneumonia that winter. Mom blamed me when we ended up in the hospital but he ended up in the ICU.

I guess it was my fault. It’salwaysmy fault. I push Axel to do the things he doesn’t want to do and when it goes bad, well, yeah.

I cut through the courtyard, chuckling at my memory, even though the bite of guilt of seeing him in the hospital getting his lung drained makes my stomach churn.

He’s okay now, Ray.I tell myself, cutting through the quad to make it to the Music Hall a little faster when I feel a breeze flip my skirt up. I’m really regretting not changing out of my uniform or at least pulling on tights before the game now. Late September nights in Massachusetts can get really fucking cold. I walk faster when I hear an owl hoot close to me.

Fuck that.

I rush to the music hall just as Lex, the custodian, flips off the lights and only the ones at the end of the hallways are on. It’s creepy,but not too dark. Besides, this building is new, only ten years old. There’s no ghosts here. I pass the six dark, empty classrooms, three on either side of me, turn to the left, past the auditorium, go down the flight of stairs to get to the practice room. It’s so fucking silent I can hear my heart beating.

“Who’s there!”

I scream and start laughing when I see Lex at the door. “Jesus, Lex, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Me? Miss Raven I almost had a heart attack.”

I let the broad smile stay on my face. “You practicing tonight, Lex?”

“Nah, storm’s coming. Might come back tomorrow in case it floods. Should’ve called this placeRayne-Less.” He jokes for the thousandth time since I’ve known him but I still smirk his way. What can I say? The old guy’s grown on me. “Maybe then it wouldn’t rain or snow so much. You practicing tonight honey?”

I shrug. “I might. Julliard and Berklee accepted my requests to audition to hopefully transfer next semester. Just, you know, don’t tell Mr. And Mrs. Monroe.” I wink at him.

His brown eyes light up and a wide toothy grin spreads across his face. Arms out wide, he comes to embrace me. “Oh, honey, I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard! You know, we’re gonna have to jam out before you go. I know Jolene would just love to have you over for dinner again.” He chuckles and his laugh reverberates through me.

He smells of old spice and cinnamon and he gives me all the good feelings with this hug. It’s the first full hug I’ve had in years. I can’t even remember the last time my own mother hugged me withbotharms. It’s usually one of those one-arm side-hug things at Christmas with a pat on my shoulder. She’ll embrace Axel, sure. Me? The hellcat? Her “fat” daughter? The bane of her existence? Not so much.

“I would love that.” I say, willing the tear that wants to drop back into my eyeball.

He finally lets me go, unshed tears shining in his eyes. Eyes that are full of wisdom, that crinkle at the sides, revealing his age and laugh lines that say he’s lived a happy life, even if he never became a world-famous composer and had a music career cut short due to acar accident that left his dominant hand broken. By the time he was able to play again… he was no longer a prodigy and was forgotten about. He took a job working at the university cleaning the halls to support him and his young pregnant wife. He’s a good man, this man.

“You be good, okay? I wanna hear all about what you’re going to play during your audition.”

I nod. “Yes, sir.”

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