Page 138 of Speak

I know how much that hurts. The smiling. When you want to rage.

When I finally see them making an exit to leave, at barely nine, I know it’s because Ashleigh is drunk and Thadd wants to leave before she causes a scene. Never could hold her liquor, that one.

I tap Jonas twice on the elbow, to which he makes an excuse for me from his lovely mother, and we make our ways through the doors where the faculty is standing around, mingling, drinks in their hands, I catch Maverick’s and Damon’s eye, sending a wink their way, and they each give a nod. Maverick must think Jonas is taking me home to fuck, but I already saw the text he sent Damon.

Jojo: Lil B needs to fly. Tonight. Keep that beast occupied. See you at home.

So much secrecy, and unfortunately, necessary.

But how do I tell Maverick what I am? That it’s me causing chaos on the quad?

As much as I want to tell him, I can’t think about that right now.

I keep my focus on the pair ahead of me, Ashleigh’s wobbly steps, the train in her dress. She really does look beautiful tonight. I wish the lullaby wasn’t playing in my head where the duo is concerned… she was my friend after all. But I suppose, just because we knew each other, played together, slept over at each other’s houses and were in the same sorority together doesn’t mean we were actually ever friends.

As we follow in the dark, Jonas unzips my dress, I hide my bare breasts as it loosens, plunging my arms into the sleeves and feel it settle into place on me, hugging where it needs to hug, conforming to my shape. I keep walking, letting the dress fall as we get to the Rover, and Jonas simply picks it up for me without any hesitation and I open the bag tied to my thigh, pulling out the upgraded balaclava with mesh in the eye holes like my moth mask.

Jonas stops just behind the Rover, “You got it from here?”

I nod once, and continue my speed, leaving him behind, weaving in and out at a faster pace, gaining up on them.

They parked their SUV under a tree, the grill of it facing toward the parking lot and under a moonless sky, it’s easy to conform to the shadows. When Thadd unlocks the vehicle and opens the door for Ashleigh, the lights inside don’t come on. It stays dark, and I’m grateful for that. I slip into the back passenger door and lay on the floorboard as Thadd rounds the front of the car to slips into the driver’s side.

We’re on the road for not even five minutes when Thadd simply says, “You’re such an embarrassment, Ashleigh. Couldn’t even go one night in public without drinking, could you?”

Ashleigh slurs an almost incoherent “sorry,” before it all goes silent outside of my mind again.

______

"Please! Raven!" Ashleigh gasps. And I would but…

Ugh, thismusic.

A lullaby, a seductive melody, frenzied, rushed, then slow, it was angry and sweet and wanton and fuck this music is pure magic.It’s no longer in my head. It’s spread throughout like warm wax coating my insides, I felt it in the depths of my womb, in my toes, the base of my spine, between my fingers, like silk and warmth.

“Why?” I lean over her from behind, where I have her tied to a chair, loosely, as to not leave any conflicting restraint marks for the story I’m weaving here. But the GHB in her system makes her slow and sluggish, and it made her really fucking heavy, too.

“I hate… you.” She mumbles.

It should hurt, probably. I don’t know what I did to warrant her hatred, but, oh well. That warm wax feeling from the lullaby in my head curls around me, like a protective blanket. So warm as I slide the knife from under one ear, from behind, as though she did it herself, because that will be the story.

“Poor Ashleigh,”they’ll say,“finally had enough this time. Finally made good on her promises.”

I watch, mesmerized as her tan skin splits for me, the muscles tearing open, the music a growing crescendo as I deepened the blade like one of Maverick's studies showed me how by reading and listening to the interviews and... Maverick...

There’s a pang in my chest.

How could I ever tell him about this?

Pretty, pretty, psycho Raven.

I shake my head to rid myself of those thoughts, unwilling to let myself be distracted from what I need to do to make the enchanting music stop.

I will say, after slipping out of their SUV, following them from the garage and then hiding in the shadows of their bedroom, dropping just enough GHB into the waters on their bedside while they got ready for bed in the bathroom and waiting, again in the shadows wasn’t easy but hearing this fucking melody?

A balm to my soul.

"Raven! Please... you don’t have to do this. You can stop this!" Thadd sobs softly. I let my eyes find his, that music a dull throb in my veins is replaced by another emotion that's always simmering underneath the surface.

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