Page 129 of Speak

I want to tell him no, that she’ll be home because she can’t stand large crowds and he should know that, instead I just shrug, gripping the strap of my backpack. “I’m not sure.”

“I stopped by her dorm, she’s not there and it looks like she hasn’t been in a while.”

I nod. “Yeah, we’re living together off-campus.”

His eyes widen and I swear they flash a little greener with something akin of envy. “Where?”

I stop in my tracks and release an aggravated sigh in his direction. “Jesus, Axel, I’ve been awake since yesterday, I have a game tomorrow, I need to go to my dorm and get some sleep.”

“I thought you were living off-campus?”

“I have to be back up here for my classes, it’s almost four in the morning. It’ll be best if I sleep here.”

“So she’s alone?”

The tone in his voice makes my stomach flip. “No. She’s not alone. She’s never alone.” I reply. “And that’s all you need to know. I know her location at all times, no matter where I am and she knows mine.” I divulge.

His face softens, as he blinks rapidly. “I love her, Jonas.”

“I know.”

“She was my best friend. I tried to help her the only way I knew how.”

There’s a part of me that wants to question that, like there’s a deeper meaning behind his words but I’m too exhausted and I still have to walk a quarter mile through the rain to get to the dorms. I simply don’t respond, just start walking again without a backwards glance.

Once I’m in my dorm, I shower and change and get into bed, I reach for my phone, fighting the need to FaceTime my girl. It feels like ages since I’ve seen her but instead of calling, I scroll through my camera gallery, looking at all the pictures I’ve taken of her both when she is and isn’t aware of the camera. I find one Damon took of us on the sofa, a candid shot of her between my legs, her back to my chest only her winged eyes visible over the edge of the book, my hands on her tummy, holding her to me, my chin on her head, reading with her.

I play around with the filters, making it black and white, only highlighting the colors of her tattoo, blurring our surroundings. I hashtag it “Book Babe,” tag her and then darken my screen.

I had to turn off my notifications for Instagram a while ago when I started posting her, making our relationship official because the love and hate coming in was too much. Especially if I posted something that showed off her dangerous curves. I learned to turn off the comment settings on those before posting because if I couldprotect her in any way shape or form, including rude fucks, I would and I will.

There was just only one thing left to do to really cement it into people’s brains that this was my woman. My one and only. The love of my life.

Maybe I was crazy for only being twenty-two and being so fucking gone for this girl. My first psychiatrists diagnosis of Erotomania was right. I had fancied myself that Paris had loved me. That the way she had treated me at times was because she loved me. But in this case, that diagnosis was wrong.

This time, Raven and I are both obsessed with the other. We both love each other and it’s so fuckingeasythis time. Even when we were apart for those brief few weeks, I couldn’t stop loving her. It felt like a sin to even try to stop. Like it was wrong to not let myself love her. It was wrong to not be by her side. It was wrong to not fuck her wherever the need strikes, no matter who's watching.

And lately, it seems like everyone is watching.

Chapter Thirty

Raven.

There was a sordid feeling, ominous almost, when I slipped into the black and gold leotard and it molded to my body like a second skin. I can see now how it shimmers like snakeskin under the bright lights as I stand before the two judges and the other girls trying out who are watching my audition. As the sultry music begins to play, I force all thoughts of Jonas, Maverick, and Damon out of my mind and focus solely on making my body move, to rock my hips side to side, only to turn, dip low, arch my back, and follow my routine, careful, not to let my wings hit the floor.

I’m the only one that decided to try out in full get up.

I am a moth. Dainty. Dangerous. Possibly venomous. Scratch that. I am the dark poison woven into a silky exterior.

I’m not sure if there are poles in the cages or if they’re just cages, but I decided to go for this as well. I’ll need to be able to dance with or without one so, with that being said, I reach for the pole on a whim and grab up high, only to bring my leg up and around, spinning, letting my hair fall, my mask wants to slip free but I don’t let it. I just maneuver my body differently.

I know I don’t have the most beautiful one, I have bigger thighs, and rounder hips, and my tummy isn’t incredibly flat. With the way Damon and Jonas feed me, I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been and yet… there’s always that niggling insecurity in the back of my mind that I won’t be able to do this because of that. When the music stops, and I land with splits on the hardwood studio floors, a few of the girls waiting to try out or that have already done so, get up and leave.

I’m not Raven today. I’mChloe.

And I’ll be Chloe for as long as it takes.

“Step forward.” With the lights still shining on my face, and the dark mesh in the eyes of my mask, I’m not exactly sure which of the duo I’m auditioning for says it but I do so. The woman sitting in front of me to my right gets up and walks toward me. She rounds me, like a jungle cat circling its prey. She wears all black, from her stilettos to her tights to her pencil skirt and turtleneck, including the frames that sit on her small face, and her dark hair is up in a tight bun. The only splash of color on her are her matte red lips.

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