Page 79 of Speak

“Oui.Fun.” The Frenchman agrees with a chuckle that sends chills down my spine and straight to my balls.

Suddenly I’m curious. “Is she here?”

He shakes his head, taking a closer step to me and tugs on my tie. Fuck he smells even better than Jonas. “Non. She had to work and went straight to Hotel De Novo.”

I look over Jonas, “Is that why you said you’d see me around later?”

Jonas nods.

I look back at the Frenchman that looks like he fucks with precision. Like he’d know just how to make me cum in less than five minutes and then laugh at how fast he made me orgasm. Fuck Ineedthat. To cum and without thoughts of Axel plaguing me.

“Do you touch?” I ask in French, a heavy, relaxed feeling settling over me.

Frenchie gets so close to me I can smell the whiskey in his breath. “Oui, ami. I touch.”

Fuck I’m a goner.

______

I’m in the back of Jonas’ car, feeling up on Frenchie, the muscles under his shirt are tense. Or maybe I’m just drunk. No, that’s impossible. I only had five drinks this evening. Three of them at the repast and two at Inferno. Oh god, I need to throw up. I make them aware, and Jonas pulls over. Frenchie holds me.

We’re at De Novo. “Just a little too much to drink.” One of them says.

I’m floating. Up… Up… Upside-down. I grab whoever’s tight ass is in my face. Fuck yeah, this is gonna be fun.

“Check his wallet. Front pocket.”

“That’s my dick.” I laugh.

There’s a beep and I’m being set gently down on my bed; the back of my head hits my headboard and I’m sitting up. The room spins for a moment. Another drink is pushed into my face. Water. It goes black.

I’m… I’m swimming. No, I’m not swimming. I’m in the tub. The faucet is still going.

I open my eyes; a blurry vision of a ghost is sitting at the edge of the tub. Long, dark hair, red lips, winged brown eyes…

“Raven?” I mumble.

She scoots further up, closer to me. Her head tilts to the side. I try to sit up but it’s all so heavy. She grabs my hand, a mercy. Forgiveness, maybe? Does she know? Does she know what I did?

Something hurts. Something… it’s not right. My arm burns. I look down at the deep laceration running from the middle of my forearm down. “No…” I whisper. I look up at Raven, the light behind her casting an eerie glow around her head like a halo.

She leans down, hovering over my ear. “Why?” The whisper is barely a rasp, like it pains her to talk. Tears fill her eyes, spilling over them as she gets up and walks to the other side of the tub. I look around but we’re utterly alone. I try to flex my arm so I can get out but I… I can’t.

“Please.” I choke out.

The razor digs deep into my other arm, but she goes so achingly slow, I feel the deep burn of my muscles being shredded.“T, break h-h-her f-f-f—fu-fucking leg so she’ll fit.”

“Raven wait, please!”

“Sh-sh-she’ll s-s-stink up the place by M-M-Monday, S. We should t-t-take her to the Ravine…” She rasps, stuttering when she never had before. Chills breakout throughout me despite the warmth of the water surrounding me. Her voice is weak and so hoarse it breaks my heart. I did that to her... Wedid.“Let the w-w-water take her f-f-far away…”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “No, Raven, please. Please. It wasn’t… like that.”

Oh no. oh no. Nausea fills me and I vomit into the water now up to my chest. The razor finally digs into my artery. Her tears fall into the soiled water along with mine. And she only mutters one more choppy, hoarse word; “Why?”

I sink into the tub. Flashes of Axel fill my mind as the water rises at my nose. I’m too tired to breathe. To fight. So… so sleepy. I watch as Raven lets the straight razor fall into the water to wipe her DNA and then moves my arm so it all looks self-inflicted. Things I’ve done for my own clients. Something I did for my own initiation into the Syndicate.

My thoughts float back to Axel. To his laugh. His kisses. His initiation. What I did for him… a nightmare come full circle.

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