Page 6 of Desperate Times

The surprise of my favorite cousin returning home from prison was one thing. But Jahsir, my first and only love, showing up there was another. I had to wrap my mind around his appearance. With so much time and distance between us, one would think that I would have moved on. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not only because I loved him so much, but also because I needed answers to the questions that took root inside me over the last few years. Why did he leave me the way he did and ghost me like I never mattered? How could he stand there, looking at me like time hadn’t shattered everything we were?

‘Red,’ he called me. The sound of it alone wrapped me in a warm embrace. It was soft and familiar and protective. But I was bitter and angry, and those emotions fought with my love for Jahsir. And while I tried to be strong by ignoring his calls over the past week, it was pointless. Everyone knew it was a matter of time before I cracked under the pressure of our connection weighing on me.

I hadn’t spoken to Venus since Rashad’s welcome home party. And I was upset that she was the one who gave Jahsir my number. Between both of their returns, It was all a lot to process. Today was the day to do so. Since we had a few rain-free days, Venus suggested we do a mini picnic. Warm weather and food were a no-brainer. We met at a park not far from Auntie Ruby’s house. We both brought our favorite foods, and I brought a bottle of milk and some strained peaches for Scarlett.

“She's getting big, bff,” Venus stated, smiling at Scarlett.

"I know. Look, watch this," I encouraged her. I turned to Scarlett, who was sitting in her Bugaboo. "Say bye-bye, Scarlett, bye-bye," I spoke to her in a soft, high pitched voice. I opened and closed my hand slowly, hoping Scarlett would show off her new skill for me. Instead, she ignored me, her hand tightly secured around her rattle. "How did I know she was gonna do that?" I laughed.

"Girl, you know these kids will embarrass you when you put the spotlight on them. Do you remember that time I asked my nephew what his name was, and he said,"

"Birthday Cake." I fell out laughing, remembering it clear as day. "Yes, girl, I remember. Aries was so mad at me. Honey, I was crying laughing, okay! He was so confident!"

"Girl, okay! And it wasn’t even the fact that you were laughing. It was your laughter in general. You take it too far, bff, hollering, screaming, and falling all over the place. That's enough to hurt anybody's feelings," we both laughed.

Sighing, I took in the clean air and released a breath, taking in the beauty of the clear blue sky. The weather in Mulholland Falls had been so unpredictable lately. It was either randomly and unnecessarily hot, or raining cats and dogs. It felt good to be out of the rain for a while. It also felt good to have Rashad home and to know Jahsir was around, as well. For a moment,it seemed that things were somewhat normal.. I had questions, and they all had the answers.

I ate a spoonful of broccoli salad while Venus tore a chicken wing apart. I knew she wanted to discuss the barbecue, but I needed to process Jahsir’s return without the outside noise. However, the silence was awkward, so I kicked it off instead of continuing to avoid the conversation.

"Say what you gotta say, Venus." I sighed.

"Girl, how do you know I want to say something? I mean, I heard about you slapping Jahsir. But that ain't my business." She laughed. "Why you jack that man up like that?"

"Well, he's lucky that's all I did. Showing up like nothing had happened. Did you know he was coming?"

"I knew it was possible, Crim. I mean, his best friend was getting out."

"So his bromance with my cousin is more important than his relationship with me? That’s the reason he came back to town. Lowkey, I was clearly not important to either of them. Rashad didn't even have me on the visitation list and never called me. Only words between us were communicated by you, now that I’m thinking about it."

"Please, Crimson. Now, you’re being a brat!"

"I'm not!"

"You sitting here acting like you don’t know how this game is played. They robbed two banks and a Brinks truck, Crim. Dro died in the process. Rashad was locked up based on circumstantial evidence. If Rashad had called you, the first thing you would have done was ask about Jahsir. Connecting the dots for the Feds and Implicating all of them. He couldn't call you!"

"What the hell are you saying?” I scoffed. “You think I’m dumb enough to say some shit that would bring them down?"

"Damn near! Either that or your love for Jah could have also put you under the radar. You were just another person for them to question, follow, or whatever the case may be.”

“And what were you? You’ve had contact with Rashad, MY blood, the entire time, Venus! Why are you acting like if the shoe was on the other foot, you wouldn’t feel a way, too?”

“Stop taking this so personal."

"Four years without a wordISpersonal. Rashad was my protector and damn near my best friend. He and I went through stuff that nobody would understand. For him to choose to keep me out the loop is hurtful. I’m not trying to be woe is me and all, but I lost my lover and my family.”

“I hear you girl but it's all over now. Rashad and Jahsir are both home.”

“It's not over, because the more I think about it, the more upset I get. Jahsir didn't just show up at the party. Somebody informed him Rashad was getting out. So, who knew how to contact him?" Rolling her eyes, Venus took a sip of her green tea. Maybe I was being unreasonable, or maybe she was tired of hearing me complain all of these years. She was tight-lipped, which brought me to one conclusion.

"Venus?! Please tell me you didn't know where Jahsir was all this time?"

“No.”

"I mean, it wouldn't be the first time you lied to me. You told Rashad I was back at his mama’s house when I asked you not to. Does he know Que is Scarlett's father?"

"No, of course he doesn't, I mean I haven’t said anything but the streets talk, bff.” Giving her a blank stare, I questioned her with my eyes, and she continued. “Crim, I didn't know where Jahsir was, okay. But I knew he was still around. When money got tight, Rashad arranged for me to get more.I only assumedthat it was Jahsir helping him out, considering he didn't trust anybody but him."

“And speaking of trust, can you trust me, Venus?”

---