Page 4 of Desperate Times

I was happy Rashad was home and I was truly enjoying myself. However, amidst the noisy crowd, interruptions from others, and constant clouds of smoke; I could feel my energy dwindling. My body was present, but my mind had drifted to Scarlett and halfway to the door. I was ready to go. It must've been written on my face, because shortly after our conversation Venus said,

“I know you, Crim. You're getting ready to go, aren’t you?”

“Hell yeah, she is.” Shad chimed in as we all laughed.

“Yeah, it's beginning to be a bit much for me. Baby, I can’t take too much more of this music, or the smoke, especially. I’mma have to wash my hair tonight to get the smell out. Y’all wanna go inside, play some cards?” I smiled, nudging Rashad. “Maybe I just need a quick break from all of this.”

“Nah, no cards.” Venus answered. “My man is home and I’m not about to be sharing him too much longer. Whole time, I’m about to shut all of this down in a minute.”

“Well excuse me Miss, ‘My Man My Man.” I half-heartedly joked. Lowkey, I felt a way. Because that was my blood and Venus was acting like she was his number one. I mean damn she had access to him the whole time he was locked up. Now that he was home and I wanted time, it felt like a problem. I don’t know, maybe I was reading too much into it.

“Yeah girl, I need my boo. You understand, right? Let me go tell my daddy not to make any more meat.” I nodded as she walked away.

“Well I guess I am going to head out. I'm ready to lay down anyway.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Shad please. Don’t act like you don’t know.”

“What?” he smirked.

“You are a terrible liar, you and Venus, because I know she told you.” I glared at her from across the yard. “You know good and well I'm staying at your mom’s crib.”

“Yeah, I do, more importantly, how did you end up there?”

“Niggas.” I replied. I refused to give my overprotective big cousin the whole story. If he had known that Que was pocketing my rent money, which eventually led to my eviction, he’d be in the back of a police car for killing him. “But I’m trying to catch up on some things. As soon as I do, I’ll be looking for a new place. You know how your mama is.”

“Yeah, I do, which is why you must have been desperate to go back there.”

“I was. Anyway, I see that ankle monitor ain't going nowhere for what, another year?”

“Not at all, I’ll be good in ninety days to six months according to my P.O.”

“Oh my God, yesssss! But still too long for you to meet my little angel. I’ll bring her by Sunday, okay?”

“Cool.” Shad stood and pulled me into a hug. And immediately, I knew everything would get better from here. Shad was my safety in a world full of chaos. He was back, and instantly, my life felt less heavy. My finances had not changed, nor had my living situation. But knowing he would be here as a shoulder to cry on or even just to tell me to suck it up meant the world to me.

I sighed as I stepped inside. The house was cooler, dimmer and blessedly quiet compared to the heat and noise outside. Crossing the living room slowly, I headed toward the back bathroom. Halfway down the hall, I stopped dead in my tracks. I thought I was losing my mind when a low, brash voice cut through the silence behind me.

“I knew you’d eventually step in here to get a break from the noise.”

Everything inside me went still.Everything.I didn’t have to turn around. That voice lived rent free in my memories. Its tone had once echoed in the back of my mind for years, soothing me to sleep. Now, it was torturous. I swallowed hard, praying I could contain what I was feeling. The moment I’d longed for was here.

It washim.

Jahsir

The scent of her hair hit me almost immediately. Damn near four years away from her and I still remember the scent lingering on my clothes and pillow whenever she’d leave. Her hair was my favorite thing about her, because it was her favorite thing about herself. She took pride in her coils, stating they were one of her only pure memories of her mother. To keep that memory alive, she took extra care with her hair, only letting a select few people tame it. She used specific products only, never deviating from them. Today, she stood before me with a mature beauty, a fuller figure, and sad eyes. But she was still my Crimson.

Red, I called her. And most people thought it was because of her hair, which was a deep crimson shade, giving her her namesake. But it wasn't; it was how her warm bronze skin flushed red whenever I was near her. She tried to hide her feelings for me, but the mere sound of my voice or hint of my cologne told the truth. Even now, her cheeks are filling with that special hue, only now I don’t know if it’s the love she once had for me, or the rage she is feeling.

“Jah- Jahsir?” She barely choked out. Her chest heaved up and down as if her heart violently slammed against her chest. All the emotions she buried came flooding back in an instant, written all over her face. I felt her hurt and anger. But beneath it all, there was still that lingering pull, the love and infatuation between the two of us. Still, her anger took precedence. She gathered herself and spoke again, this time with venom. "Excuse me," she spat, now avoiding my gaze.

I smirked, leaning off the doorframe. Her eyes, those deep dark brown eyes, hadn't changed. They begged for answers, answers she couldn’t get at the moment.

“Red. You’re still as beautiful as I remember.”

“Excuse me,” she urged again.

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