Page 59 of The Marriage Policy

I place my hand on his chest, draw circles on his pec with the tip of my finger. “What are you talking about? You don’t let your mom down.”

“Not in the way you’re thinking. I know she loves me and is proud of me, but…I don’t know. She and Dad both grew up poor, and they worked hard to give me a comfortable middle-class upbringing. They both went to college, worked through college. They’re smart and had stable careers. They’d been together since they were eighteen. Mom would love it if I settled down, or at least had a serious relationship, and I’ve never even felt that kind of romantic connection that would make me want more. When I told her our plans to come to LA for school, she thought I was going to college too, but I didn’t. I love what I do, but it’s also just a job in some ways. I’ve worked for like, four companies in less than ten years, got fired, my best friend had to marry me because I didn’t even do what I needed to do to make sure I have medical insurance. You’re right—after how much your family struggled when you were young, and my dad’s cancer and treatments, Mom would have been devastated to find out that just a few years after getting off her policy, I didn’t have one of my own.”

“I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t meant to make you feel bad.”

“But it’s true. I don’t always make the best decisions, and the only thing I’ve ever been settled on in my whole life is you. My best friend. Go me.”

I’ve never heard Eric talk like this before, and it does something to my heart. Makes it tender and achy because anything that hurts him, hurts me, and I want nothing more than to fix it. “You’re being too hard on yourself. College doesn’t matter. Everyone has a different route to take, and college isn’t for everyone. You got fired because Cliff is an asshole. You left the job before that because he was cutting corners and you didn’t want to be part of a company that did that. Every job you’ve left is because they were shady or didn’t have the same work ethic as you. You’re a good person and care about others. You want to provide them with quality work. Those are good things, even if others are just out there to make a quick buck. You should start your own business.”

It’s a random thought, but it makes sense. Eric is the type who would do well working for himself and providing the quality work he wants. He always gets stuck with people who do shoddy work or people like Cliff who take advantage of him because of how good he is, then kick him to the curb when they’re done with him.

“Holy shit, babe. You should start your own company!”

He rolls his eyes. “I couldn’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I just couldn’t.”

“See! You can’t even think of a reason. You were practically running the whole operation for Cliff. You’re great at what you do.”

“You have to think that because you’re my husband.”

I shake my head. “Now you’re being a brat. I’m serious about this. It’s perfect for you. I think you’d be happy working for yourself.”

“I don’t know the first thing about running a business.”

“You’ll learn. Now is the perfect time for you to do this. You can research and start getting all your ducks in a row while you’re laid up. Do you need a contractor’s license for landscaping in California? I think you probably do, but we can look into that.” There’s excitement brewing in my gut that I don’t know if I have a right to feel. This is about Eric, not me. Maybe I’m way off and he doesn’t want this at all. Either way, I’ll support his decision, but something tells me he doesn’t want to want it because he doesn’t think he can have it.

“Feel free to tell me to shut up if I’m overstepping here,” I add.

“You’re not. It’s just…do you really think I could do it?” His gaze is soft, almost shy, when Eric doesn’t have a shy bone in his body, especially with me. That shows how important this is to him, how anxious he is about wanting it.

“Iknowyou could do it. And again, now is the perfect time. You’re living with me, so you don’t need to bring home as much money. You can stay as long as you need to, while you’re getting on your feet.”

“I don’t want to depend on you any more than I already am.”

“You’re not. I love having you here. Plus, you give me orgasms—not that you have to keep giving me orgasms. You can stop anytime you want. Oh God. Did that sound really gross? You can live with me forever and never give me another orgasm.”

He smiles. “I’m totally giving you more orgasms. Lots of them. All the time. I know what you’re trying to say, D.”

“Good. Just making sure I’m not sexually harassing you.”

He pulls me over so I’m lying on top of him, settled between his legs. “Zero harassment felt.” Eric cups my cheek and brushes his thumb against my skin. “I’ll look into it.”

“Yessss!”

“I’m not making any promises. I like the idea of it. I love it, really, it’s just…don’t know if it’s me. I don’t want to mess up.”

“You won’t. You’ll be perfect. I know it.”

Eric grabs my face and presses his mouth to mine. We don’t use tongues, just slowly move our lips together.

“I like kissing you,” Eric says when he pulls away.

He’s…God, he’s so fucking beautiful.Danger! Danger! Danger! Roll away. Stop this. Say it’s time for bed.“I like kissing you too.”

Stupid, annoying mouth. It never listens.

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