Page 36 of The Marriage Policy

Just like I’ve always been that person for him, which leads to the second thing I’m feeling right now, and the one I’m prouder of—unlike the part about me sitting here feeling lonely because Donovan went out.

I’m so fucking glad he’s found his crew. That he’s found Anthony and Hayes. He deserves to have good friends, people who see how awesome he is the way I always have, people who want to spend time with him and care about him and have his back, which means I can suck up feeling all butt hurt.

And thinking about last night.

Why am I still thinking about last night?

Jerking off to your best friend for the first time probably does call for a bit of overthinking, though. Like…did I imagine Donovan just because of the random boner and knowing what he was doing in the next room, or am I kind of into guys and never realized it? Is that a thing that can happen? Donovan said he’s always known he’s gay, even before he had the words for it. Wouldn’t I have always known if I’d wanted to jack off to men? Can this be something one figures out at twenty-eight? Am I questioning something that doesn’t have one answer because people are nuanced and different and not everyone has the same experience?

“Ugh!” I drop my head against the back of the couch. When is Donovan going to be home? He’s the perfect person to talk to about this. He always has the answers. He’s the smartest person I know, but then, maybe I should try and sort things out by myself first. How can he help me if I haven’t done any self-experimentation first? Then I can go to Donovan with more details.

Decision made, I grab my crutches and go to my bedroom. My laptop is already on my bed. I strip off my clothes, settle onto the mattress, and grab the lube from my nightstand.

What is a good website for gay porn? I rack my brain, trying to remember a site Donovan might have mentioned, but I come up empty. So I do a search and click on one of the first I find. I sign up for a free trial, then look at the categories. What does one search for when they’re new to gay porn? Age gap…hmm, not my thing. I don’t want to jump onto any of the kink trains yet either. I figure I should start out slow.

I scroll down until a title jumps out at me:One Night with my Straight Roommate. That is…oddly specific and seems to fit my situation.

I hit Play, and the video starts with two guys in their twenties, sitting on the couch together, a bowl of popcorn between them,and…is this some kind of joke? We didn’t have the popcorn, and no one is getting petted in the video, which they should totally try, but I’m surprised at how on the nose it is.

They’re close and laughing at something on the screen. When their hands accidentally brush on the bowl, one of the guys looks at the other one. Which one is he? The gay one or the straight one? Because in our situation, I’m pretty sure I’d be the one looking at Donovan, yet I’m the one who’s supposedly straight.

My dick is soft against my leg, and I play with it some, trying to wake it up while watching the screen. The popcorn touches happen a few times, and eventually, they’re glancing at each other when it happens. The camera shoots to the screen, and two men in the show they’re watching start making out.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know it was that kind of movie. I can turn it off,” one of the roommates says, reaching for the remote.

The other guy puts his hand on top of the first and says, “Nah, it’s all good. We can watch.”

Blood starts pooling in my groin, making my dick grow. So far, so good. I’m getting some action down there.

I watch the men as they find themselves closer and closer, more and more touches. One starts tickling the other guy’s thigh with his finger, and goose bumps pebble on his skin.

Do I think either of the men on the screen is hot? One of them is pretty, just like Donovan, but D has shorter, curlier hair. You can’t tell how curly it can get because he has it cut so close to his head right now. Donovan’s jaw is softer, his cheekbones slightly more pronounced, his lips plumper. The guy on the screen isn’t biracial like Donovan either, doesn’t have the same gorgeous brown skin. But yeah, they’re both pretty. If I like guys, I think pretty is my thing.

Things start moving faster from there—bowl on the coffee table, hands on thighs, big, thick bulges under their shorts,which makes me think of Donovan getting hard last night and how curious I am about his cock.

By the time they’re kissing and clothes start coming off, my dick is fuckingthrobbing, my balls high and tight with what I know is another big load. I pump lube into my hand, stroke myself with more passion, using my other hand to play with my balls.

They both have smooth chests, and I think I like that. I watch as one of the guys plays with the other’s small nipples, and I reach one of my hands up and squeeze my own. Pleasure zings through me. Huh. This is nice. No one has played with my pecs before.

“Have you done this before?” one of the guys asks. He’s the one who apologized at the beginning, so I make an educated guess that he’s playing the gay guy in this video.

“No,” the other says.

“I’ll suck you, and then you can fuck me,” is his reply, which immediately makes my dick twitch in my hand and precum run down my crown.

Watching a guy blow another one? Totally fucking hot. I’m all into it, gaze firm on the screen, cock aching, and I’m acknowledging that yes, this is something I’m into. I don’t know if that’s new, but it feels right for me, so I’m going with it.

My whole body is tingly and needy, and as ridiculous as it sounds, one of my thoughts is how I want to share this with Donovan. The fact that I’m into it, I mean. He always knows the right things to say and how to sort through confusing thoughts.

What does it feel like to suck a cock? I bet D would tell me if I asked. Does he like doing it? Would I? All these questions are like a battering ram, slamming into my brain.

“I want your hole,” Straight Bro says, and okay, my dick is for sure into that.

Gay Bro bends over the arm of the couch, knees resting on the cushion. He reaches back and spreads his ass cheeks, the camera getting way up in there, so I get a good visual of his tight little pucker.

“Fuck,” grits past my lips. I’m already on edge, so close to emptying my balls. The hand not going wild on my cock is still slick, so I slip a finger down below my nuts and rub my rim like Straight Bro is doing in the video.

Like always, it feels good, and I can’t help wondering what it would be like to do this to Donovan…or to have him do it to me. I’ve performed anal on a woman before, but I’ve never had a woman play with my ass. While I’m not shy when it comes to sex, I’ve just never felt comfortable enough to ask her to give me a little finger action.

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