Page 47 of Pucking Forbidden

“I wish she had told me,” Sutton says quietly.

“I never wanted you to know. I never wanted you to look at me like you are right now.”

“How am I supposed to look at you?” she asks quietly. “I don’t even know you.”

He flinches like she hit him.

“At least tell me why,” she demands. “Why did you do it? Why’d you lie about it?”

“I don’t fucking know,” he says, his voice whisper quiet. “I was fucking up with her, making her miserable. But I couldn’t fucking accept that I was the problem. I convinced myself that Jordan was always following the two of you around because he wanted her. It was so fucking easy to convince myself that she felt the same way about him…” He shakes his head. “I never intended to show anyone those videos when I recorded them. But we had an argument before the game, and I just fucking…did it.”

“You need help,” Sutton whispers sadly. “Real help, Jamison. Not that bullshit rehab you went to last year, but one that you actually commit to.”

“I know.” He glances down at his hands. “I’ve known that for a long fucking time.”

“Then get it. And don’t come back here until you do.”

“I…”

“I mean it,” she says, her voice shaking. “I don’t want to see you again until you get help. I don’t want to hear from you. I don’t want to talk to you.”

He jerks his head in a nod, climbing unsteadily to his feet. I pull Sutton up against my side, holding her tightly as he looks at her like she just broke his heart. “Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?” he asks her.

“I don’t know. I really don’t.”

He flicks his gaze in my direction as if he’s asking me the same question…but any relationship we had ended a long fucking time ago. There’s no getting it back now. For her sake, I’ll learn to be civil if that’s what I have to do. But we won’t be friends. We won’t ever be cool. He’s not the kind of friend I need. He never was.

He sighs quietly and then walks out. “Take care of her,” he mutters to me before pulling the door closed behind him with one final look in her direction.

Sutton is completely silent for a long moment before her shoulders shake and a little whimper escapes her lips. I immediately swing her up into my arms, taking the stairs two at a time as heaving sobs wrack her body.

We curl up on the bed as she cries like her fucking heart is breaking all over again. I can’t stop it. All I can do is hold her through it, and promise her that I’m right here. And I am…right fucking here.

I don’t know how long she cries before her tears run dry. She’s so quiet that I think she’s sleeping.

“I thought about going to see him this morning,” she whispers, alerting me to the fact that she’s still wide awake and thinking.

“Is that why you weren’t in bed?”

“I was in the backyard. I couldn’t sleep.”

I roll toward her, tracing the trail of tears on her cheek. They’re dry now, just the remnants left behind. “I was worried you walked out on me,” I admit, my voice a rasp. “You scared me.”

“Walked out on you?” She blinks up at me, clearly shocked. “Why would I do that?”

“Because he’s your brother. Because I should have told you all this shit a long time ago.” I hesitate. “Because maybe I feel guilty and responsible, too.” I mean, Jesus Christ. He convinced himself I was in love with his girl because I was always following Sutton around…and she was always with Sutton. It’s hard not to feel guilty and responsible.

“I get why you didn’t tell me,” Sutton whispers sadly. “Part of me wishes I didn’t know.”

“You regret it?”

“No.” She quickly shakes her head. “I just wish… I guess I wish I didn’t have to know, you know? I wish he hadn’t done it. I wish I could believe him when he says he regrets it. I wish we could undo the last five years.”

“He regrets it,” I murmur.

“How can you be so sure?”

“I saw it on his face when he was talking about Vanessa. He ruined what they had for nothing. He fucking hates himself for that.” I know that look because I’ve seen the same damn look on my face for five years. I hated myself for letting Sutton believe the lie. I hated that I wasn’t good enough for her, and we never got a chance. I lost her before she was ever mine, and that shit haunted me. I think Vanessa haunts Jamison the same way.

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