Page 156 of The Off-Limits Play

When she turned back and spotted me staring, she almost looked scared, whipping back around and running away with her little sister in tow.

I did that.

If I hadn’t pushed her away from me, she would have been in those stands cheering me on. She would have gotten to see me in the second half, when Coach finally came over and asked, “You ready to play?”

“I’m ready to win, Coach.”

He smiled down at me, chewed his gum for two more beats, then laughed. “Yeah, you are.”

Pulling me up, he slapped me on the shoulder and gave me my instructions. I ran out onto the field with my teammates, and I played some of the best football I ever had. I didn’t score any touchdowns, but I caught that ball, I blocked for my team, and I helped get that pigskin across the line twice.

It was fucking epic, and I celebrated with the rest of them, piling on top of my buddies as we owned that win.

Coach got covered in ice and Gatorade, and we celebrated until the early hours of the morning.

We flew back to Denver on a high, and the bus ride to Nolan U was noisy and chaotic.

But I didn’t feel like talking much, because all I could see was the back of Nylah’s head as she walked up those stairs away from me.

I did that.

Just like my dad did to Mom.

She would have waited for him. And I wish she’d told me that.

We’ve spent a lot of time talking. She decided to stay after our counseling session, rearranged her flight, and has been sleeping in Zander’s old room at Football Frat. Baxter finished the garage renovations just before Christmas, and they moved in as soon as they got back from Idaho. Sienna’s stoked and loving the extra space. Zoey totters between the two places, still getting under our feet, but at least she doesn’t wake us up in the middle of the night anymore or stink out the house with her epic shits.

“Bee!” Zoey skips toward my mom the second she walks into the kitchen.

“Hey, sweet girl.” Mom bends down to pick her up, laughing as she tickles Zoey’s tummy and makes her giggle. “What’s this?”

She lets Zoey show off one of her latest “Kissmass” toys, and I sit at the table watching them. It’s actually been really nice having Mom around. She flies home tonight. We’re due to leave for the airport right after dinner. She’ll catch the red-eye home, and things will go back to normal.

Except they won’t.

Because I still don’t have Nylah.

Why not? You’re ready for her, man.

I swallow, still unsure. I’ve come a long way in the last month. People keep telling me I should be proud of what I’ve achieved.

But what if I lose it again?

What if that anger surges and I can’t stop it?

Kylie’s promised me that if I keep practicing the techniques she showed me and continue coming to see her, then I’ll be able to maintain control.

But a part of me still worries that I’ll snap.

Sienna opens the back door, walking into the kitchen with a little pout.

Zander notices immediately and hands the spatula to Wily so he can keep flipping pancakes. “What’s the matter, Sparks?”

He moves into her space, wrapping his arm around her.

“We just lost our babysitter.”

“What? Why?”

---