So I call again. And then one more time before I give up with a short, irritated scream and call Sienna.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Her voice is soft with sympathy. She obviously heard what went down.
“Yeah, I’m… Is Carson okay?”
“Dohkay!” Zoey sings in the background.
“Uh… he had a bit of a rough night. I’m guessing you guys aren’t together anymore?”
I shake my head, my throat swelling so tight I can’t speak.
But my heart is still racing.
Why is it racing?
“Look, I know he doesn’t want to talk to me or anything, but can you just check on him for me? I’ve got this weird feeling, like something’s wrong, and I just have this overwhelming urge to make sure he’s okay.”
“Oh… uh, I wish I could, but… he left a few hours ago. I don’t know where he is.”
“Shit,” I whimper, lightly biting my knuckle. “Well, can you just, like… call me when he gets back? I just need to know that he’s okay.”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll text Zander too. Maybe he’s seen him. You sound really worried.”
“I am. I can’t even explain why, I just… Something’s wrong, Sienna. Something’s really wrong.”
CHAPTER54
CARSON
Holding my foot out, I let it dangle in the air. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing on the edge like this, but I’m frozen in time, contemplating my next move.
One step.
Just one more step and I could end it all right now.
My body tenses, my heart picking up speed as I picture my body tumbling down the cliff, the crunch of bones, the flash of agony before my ultimate death.
Death.
Seriously? That’s what you want?
“I don’t know what I fucking want,” I whisper.
And won’t it be better for everyone if I just go?
The world seems to still around me as I wait for the answer.
It doesn’t come.
I don’t hear any voices in my head. There’s no sign or symbol that I shouldn’t throw my life away right now.
Yet I step back.
My boots scuff the dirt, my chest starting to heave as I stumble back a few more paces, then hit the dirt, my elbow landing on a stone, my hip thumping onto the hard ground.
Pain fires through me and I flop onto my back, fisting my hair and screaming, “Fuck!”
I can’t even kill myself.