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MARCO

I'm drowningin nieces and nephews.

Elio's house is a veritable hive of children. There are babies or young children literally everywhere, including in Elio’s arms. We’re outside, looking at the carved winter wonderland that Elio had ice sculptors put into place prior to the holiday. The kids, predictably, are still enjoying the many wonders of a backyard filled with ice sculptures that they can walk into.

Elio, Caterina, Sal, and Gia are all chasing each other around the yard. Marisol and Dino, and the twins, are laughing from the top floor of the two-story ice palace that Elio spent an obscene amount of money on.

I stare at Elio, shaking my head.

It would be pretty fucking funny, seeing a man that I once witnessed burn through an entire platoon of bottle girls in a week, covered completely in babies and wearing an apron, but somehow, it's not really that funny.

None of this, in fact, feels like how I wanted it to feel.

I wanted it to feel...

Good.

Instead, looking out at the family holiday gathering, I feel something else entirely.

Nothing.

An emptiness that I know too fucking well, perhaps..

But nothing like the wave of happiness and satisfaction that I had expected.

"Zio Marco!" Luna shouts, her face wide and her eyes a little crazy from eating nothing but straight candy for the past twenty-four hours. "Come play!" She zooms over, her cheeks red with the cold.

I give her the best smile I can muster. "In a minute, stellina."

Luna pouts, a look that's so achingly familiar to me. Caterina looked like that as a kid too, and fuck if it didn't wear me the fuck down.

Time and time again.

I’ve never been able to say no to my siblings. Not in any way, shape, or form. I might frequently have to navigate my way around many dangers to figure out how to do what’s best for them…

But an outright refusal has been something I’ve been incapable of.

So, looking into my niece’s eyes, I give her a wink. I hope to not convey any of my melancholy.

I can’t be her favorite zio, after all, if I’m not fun.

"I'll come to play in a minute," I say gently.

Luna sighs, but zips quickly to play with her cousins in the massive ice castle that Elio constructed for all of the cousins. We're in that post-holiday time between Christmas and New Year's where nothing really happens. The kids are all enjoying their gifts, which were an absolute mountain of brightly-wrapped presents mere days ago, and us adults are just snacking on whatever food we can find while drinking our way through Elio's admittedly impressive wine collection.

It's a moment that happens every year. But, considering how much unrest and strife we've been through in the past few years, this one feels special.

This one feels like...

Well. It should feel like a fucking amazing thing. I've worked my ass off to make this day happen. For years, I've been the one pulling the strings to make sure that my siblings can all enjoy this fucking moment.

My siblings are all enjoying the time with their respective families.

Elio and Caterina, with their daughter Luna and their new baby. Dino, my half-brother who has lived his life as the black sheep of our family for so long. Seeing him enjoy his wife, Marisol, and take time out of running the cartel that used to belong to Marisol’s father, is wonderful. Their twin daughters, the nieces that I went above and beyond to protect when Dino couldn’t, are screaming with laughter as they slide on the ice.

Sal, my second brother and the jack-of-all-trades spymaster for our family, tugs his wife Gia close. Gia is Elio’s twin, and arguably one of the most terrifying people on the face of the planet.