Page 97 of Backhanded Compliments

Luca almost manages to smile.

THIRTY-SEVENJULIETTE

If loneliness is an island, Juliette has shipwrecked herself.

She has never had her heart broken before. There have been moments she thought her heart was broken, like when the doctors told her she would have to undergo wrist surgery or when she lost the Australian Open final. But this hits different. It’s raw and unlike anything she’s ever felt before. It’s worse.

Juliette thought she would feel better if she broke up with Luca, tried to be just friends, but Luca’s words still ring in her ears. She stumbles off Remi’s boat and onto the marina. Music and conversation laps in from the bobbing boats, but Juliette heads toward the end of the dock. She sits down on the damp planks and hangs her feet over the dark water.

She reaches for her phone, tucked in her purse. Her father’s notes taunt her as she opens it. “This is for the best,” Juliette whispers to herself, but the words taste like ash in her mouth. A lie, one she’s failed to convince herself to believe. She looks at her shaking hands and remembers Luca’s gentle touch as she calmed her out of the panic attack.

She taps out a message to the one person who will understand.

Juliette looks up, her breath coming unsteadily as she searches for the stars, for something to guide her. But, of course, this is the city, and the light pollution leaves the sky as simply a void of darkness smoked with orange-tinged clouds.

Footsteps clatter on the boards behind her, but she doesn’t look until there is a soft grunt.

“What’s wrong, Jules?” Claudia asks urgently.

Juliette opens her mouth to explain, but no words come to her lips. She has snapped her own heart into pieces. She closes her eyes. She feels washed out. Would her skin be gray if she looked? She isn’t used to feeling deadened, words meaningless against her tongue.

“What happened?” Claudia asks, her eyes pleading for answers.

“I broke up with Luca,” she says, simply. It is the hard and cold truth.

“What?” Claudia slumps onto the dock next to her. “Why?”

Juliette opens her phone and turns it to Claudia, shows her the notes on her practice. “Luca is too distracting. I can’t handle having a relationship with her.”

Claudia breathes out heavily. “Fuck,” she mutters.

Juliette looks at Claudia. Rain mists down, glittering like diamonds on her gold curls. It’s cool and soothing against Juliette’s skin. “I know it’s better this way, but it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

Claudia sighs. “So, you let her go because you think it’s best for both of you.” Her lips purse. “Like I did.”

Only Juliette and her sisters know that Claudia let the love of her life go because it was the best for her. And even though it broke her heart, she knew it would be better for her lover to find her soulmate. Claudia may not have a soulmark, but she believes in the idea of them enough to not stand in the way of soulmates. “Did it feel like this when you did it?”

Claudia nods, biting her lip. It’s clear she wants to say something she thinks Juliette won’t want to hear.

“What? Tell me what you’re thinking.” Juliette swallows roughly.

“Jules, I won’t try to tell you what’s best for you, but I think you were beginning to know what love is. How all-consuming and intense it is, but also, how hard it is. There isn’t a day that I don’t regret what I did. This is… different. I think you’re afraid, Juliette.”

Juliette hates how Claudia’s words hit her like a hammer. “I am afraid, Claudia! I didn’t even want a soulmate. I just want to play tennis!” She drops her head to her hands.

Claudia strokes her back. “I know. And you’re the only one whocan decide what is more important to you. For what it’s worth, I think you can fight for both.”

“You think I’m an idiot,” Juliette mumbles miserably.

Claudia sighs. “No, Jules, I think you’re reacting to change, and that’s normal. I only want you to be happy, and this decision doesn’t seem like it’ll make you happy.”

Juliette looks up and tilts her head to the sky again, rain and tears dampening her face. “I guess I’ll find out.”

Claudia pulls her into a hug but says nothing else.

LUCA

Luca has four days to pull herself back together and refocus. The grind of a tournament is exactly what she needs to put thoughts of Juliette behind her, but everywhere she looks, she’s reminded of what she could have had.

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