Page 19 of A World of Ruins

CHAPTEREIGHT

I close my bedroom door and turn just in time to see Freya rise from my bed. I pause beside the entrance, staring at her as if the apology I intended to say earlier will once again manifest in me.

Freya picks at her lower lips, making them bleed, and an uneasy gust of air appears to encircle us as her gaze is drawn to the ground. ‘Where is Tibith?’

‘With Link,’ I say curtly. As soon as my outing with Hira ended, I searched for Link, knowing he wouldn’t ask questions about where I was headed in such a rush.

‘Right, I—’ She rubs the back of her neck, and I hate this. I hate how awkward we are.

I walk towards her, but she backs away as if she is afraid. Shock guts me like a twisted blade as I jerk to a stop. ‘Freya, you know I wouldn’t hurt you, right? With everything that happened—’

‘I am not scared that you will hurt me; I am scared I will hurtyouagain.’

The chamber fills with silence.

She blames herself when it is not her fault.

I shake my head as a sigh escapes her lips in an almost sob, and she runs her hands through her tight curls. She stops me before I can speak.

‘I should have told you about Gus. Or at least forced him to say something.’ She paces the room. ‘I wanted to do the rightthing, but the more I kept it from you, the more everything became worse.’

My eyes track her nervous movements. The jittering of her fingers as she plays with them and the constant lip-picking. I had been the one to snap at her, to argue, and to egg her on until she used her magic on me. It shouldn’t be her apologising, and it shouldn’t be her carrying the weight of it all.

‘You didn’t do anything wrong, Freya,’ I whisper. ‘I am the one who keeps dragging you all down with me.’

She shakes her head. ‘That is not true, Nara—’

‘When I was five,’ I cut her off, and a chuckle escapes my lips as I recall the faintest of memories, ‘my only friends were my brothers. Then, when I turned six, I met someone who I never thought would be the man I am in love with today.’ I let out a deep breath. ‘But when I was twenty-one, I met the greatest person that I could finally call my best friend. Someone who, despite my lack of social skills, still cared for me and fought by my side even when she wasn’t sure of the outcome.’

Freya gives me a look on the verge of tearing up.

‘You couldn’t hurt me,’ I say, ‘even if you tried. I only hope that you can forgive me for how I have acted all these months.’ And if she didn’t want to, I would not blame her; I have been too hard to bear sometimes. Not even I can stand myself at times.

‘Solaris.’ She sniffles, wiping her nose before she rushes towards me and wraps me in her arms. ‘Why must you always make me cry?’

Her words have me chuckling. ‘I am hoping it is for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.’

She grabs me by the elbows and looks into my eyes as we part. Her cheeks are tear-stained. ‘You do know you aren’t dragging any of us down, though, right?’ I opt to stay quiet, and she lets go of me. ‘Nara, you quite literally have the world’s weight on your shoulders. You’re Solaris, for—’

‘What if I don’t want to be Solaris?’ I murmur a little too fast. Freya frowns, and I sigh, lifting my gaze to the ceiling as I laugh and shake my head. ‘I should have never been chosen.’ I look back down. ‘I am notyou, Freya. I am someone who used to trap animals for a living. How can it be that I am the world’s . . .’ I struggle to find the word before I spit out in shock, ‘saviour?’

She stares at me. Usually, I can guess what she is feeling or thinking, but right now, she is giving me nothing to help me figure her out.

Her gaze drops to the floor as she whispers, ‘Used to.’

‘What?’

‘You said youusedtotrap animals.’ Hazel eyes flash up. ‘That is the past. It is no longer who you are.’ She pauses for a few seconds, her lips pursed in thought. ‘But I also think you are too scared to let go of that.’

The space between my brows grows smaller as they furrow, and the back of my eyes sting. Despite it likely being the witch side of her, it is also the first time in a while that someone has read between the lines of the chaotic thoughts running through my mind and questioned them further.

And yes, I might be scared to let go of my past.

It was easier then.

‘Before . . . the only people I used to care for were my brothers,’ I say, a knot forming inside my throat. ‘Now there is so much at stake, I fear I won’t be able to protect everyone.’

Freya takes my hand. ‘And that is okay.’ Her smile is so kind and forgiving of the world. ‘You have to remember, Nara, we can protect ourselves. Your brothers? They’ve handled everything on their own while you were gone. Idris spent so much of his time teaching self-defence to younglings; Illias trained himself with no help; Link is no longer afraid of anything; Rydan matured – to an extent; and Iker? He took on the task of teaching children how to read and write. He even taught them to build traps forany intruders.’ She nudges my arm playfully. ‘Like his sister used to.’

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