Page 71 of The Boss

She thinks. But does she know? Does she even realize that she’s shared sentiments like that with me before? Maybe not so bluntly, but I’ve known of her genuine affections for quite a while now. To say I’m not shocked is an understatement. “As you should. I’m the only woman you’ll ever need, Lessie.”

“I’m serious.” Her eyes flutter open. All right. She compels me to pull away from her and tidy up. Not because I’m trying to avoid the topic, but because I’m a pragmatic woman. If Alessa is going to get wrapped up in these thoughts, then I need to take charge and do what needs to be done. I can listen while I work. “I’m not saying that to make you happy or because it feels like the right thing to say.” She sits up, robe falling off her body and legs slowly shutting again. Is she going to be offended if I go wash up in the bathroom? “I do think that I’m falling in love with you, Jules, and I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

“Why in the world would you feel upset about having nice feelings toward me?”

At least she’s still blunt. “Because I have no idea how you feel about me.”

I suppose that is a conundrum for most. I won’t pretend to understand everything people worry about in their relationships. It’s not my job to understand. Suppose it is my job to listen, though. Especially if I fancy myself having a serious relationship with such a woman… so if Alessa is expressing any kind of doubt, I must be right there listening to her.

Right?

“I feel many wonderful things for you, Lessa.” As tempting as it is to say that with a chuckle, I refrain. If my girlfriend is saying things like this, then I need to be so sensitive that no other respectable woman would take me seriously. “I’m fine if we don’t say any big L words right now. As long as you are too.”

“Jules…”

“We’ve got many potential years ahead of us.” That’s right, I said the Y word.Years. Together. Suppose that’s two words… “Just because we had sex right away doesn’t mean we have to rush through everything else. Although when your lease is up, I suggest moving in here.”

Alessa sits up, her tangled hair brushing against my skin. So soft. So… what’s the word for it? Delightful? Think I’ll go with that. “It’s not only about our pace, Jules. It’s the fact that you’re a relatively closed-off woman. You say a lot of nice things, you do a lot of nice things… but sometimes it’s difficult for me to ascertain how sincere they are. Are you saying and doing nice things because you genuinely want to, or because you know that’s what I want?”

With any other woman, I would have the perfect answer on standby.“I’m saying whatever will make you happy.”Alessa’s right. I’m a closed-off bitch. When I do feel emotions, I bottlethem up. Redirect them through work, exercise, sex… I was raised to keep all my feelings to myself. For most of my twenties, that sage Marcon advice took good care of me. Now that I’m in my thirties? Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate what I want my emotions to do for me.

With Alessa, however, I need to change my tactics.

“Honesty is the best policy, yes?”

She narrows her eyes, exasperated. “Of course.”

“Then I’ll be honest with you. I enjoy spending my days and evenings with you, Lessa. I enjoy what we explore with one another. I enjoy waking up to see your beautiful face, and you make my damn day when you strut into my office. Even if it’s to talk charts and schedules and not to bend over with your ass in the air.”

My girlfriend rolls her eyes. “This is the closest to a love confession I’m ever going to get,” she mutters. “Typical Julianna Marcon.”

“Is it so bad? I don’t expect you to say that you love me right now.”

She rolls back onto her pillow and pulls the covers up over her breasts. So much for the view. “But you wouldn’t mind, I’m sure.”

“Lessie, if there’s a problem, please tell me.” I don’t want to play games. I also don’t want her angry at me because I misread her mood. The more peace exists between us, the happier we can be. And what’s the point of all of this if we’re not happy, damnit?

“No problem, Jules. Guess I’m as confused as you are, which is fine.”

“I never said I was confused.”

She sighs. “I am now.”

Soon, we fall asleep. I don’t know how my girlfriend feels, but I know how I feel.

Good.

Chapter 33

Alessa

It’s rare for me to have a whole Saturday to myself these days. Between Julianna demanding more of my time, and finals creeping up on me, my weekends are usually packed with homework, romance,morehomework, and those fancy gatherings my girlfriend insists on taking me to. (You should’ve seen me when we met up with her parents at a cozy villa up in Washington Park. She practically twirled me around her mother’s Persian carpet and dipped me to the amusement of her half-drunk father.)

This auspicious weekend, however, I have so much precious time to myself. I’ve handed in a bunch of term papers and I’ve permitted myself to take a break from studying to give my brain a rest. Julianna’s up in Seattle until later this evening. I’m supposed to go to her place around eight. But until then?

Shopping on her dime!

When I announced I was going shopping with friends this weekend, she immediately reached into her wallet and handed me her black card. “No limit,” she said with a yawn. “Knock yourself out. Buy something cute that we both enjoy.”

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